ACIM Mentor

Last week I wrote how the mystical Holy relationship corrects cause and effect. Instead of seeing another as the source (cause) of Love (effect) for you, you recognize Love is the Source (cause) of your relationship (effect).   Another way to say this is that the mystical Holy relationship’s purpose is not to cause Love, but to express Love. Part of correcting cause and effect is redefining the purpose of everything from cause to expression. What happens in time is not to bring a certain end into existence (salvation, atonement, undoing, etc). That end has already occurred. The moment the idea of not-Truth arose, it was undone by Truth’s all-encompassing nature. So time does not bring about the Undoing (Atonement). It expresses it. In time, it seems like the idea of not-Truth arose long ago and its undoing is in some indefinite future. Time takes an idea that was over in a moment and tells it as an unfolding story. So the Undoing is always happening, only in slooooooow motion...

In my first mystical Holy relationship with E thirty-four years ago, I experienced great joy, but I also sensed the “cost” of the Holy relationship. The cost was the special relationship. The cost was the ego (personal thought system). I couldn’t characterize then the shift that the Holy relationship would bring. I could only sense it. But I now know that the Holy relationship corrects the confusion of cause and effect, completely undoing the special relationship. The special relationship is the ego’s greatest deception. The experience of the ego is lack, and the special relationship is supposed to supply that lack. Mostly, we don’t think in those terms. But we do feel that the special relationship will save or fix us or make us whole somehow. The idea is that this other person, be it parent, sibling, friend, lover, or partner will supply our lack. We are drawn to them because we see them as the source of Love, Which is an experience of Wholeness. In the special relationsh...

From what I’ve read and heard, when the ego (personal thought system) falls from a mind, what follows is a unique experience. Some things seem universal, like emptiness and varying degrees of disorientation. Also, acclimating to the absence as well as the Peace that comes. But exactly what process a mind embarks on to recognize what happened and to adjust to it seems pretty idiosyncratic. So don’t expect that the particulars that I write about my experience will be your own. I went into three and a half years of shock after the ego fell from this mind. Three years in, the emptiness, which I did not yet understand, became a delicious Spaciousness. This was filled with a Golden experience of Love. But I didn’t understand why this was happening. I didn’t dare think the ego had fallen. That seemed, well, egotistical! And, moreover, I was still having egoic responses. Only those had become very shallow. The events I’ve written about lately that began four months ago, however, made...

Often I have written that this path has not unfolded the way I thought it would. I had expectations based on what I read, but had not yet experienced. So they were formed through the filters of my past and what I only understood so far. Other expectations were formed in guilt and fear. And still others were based on the specific experiences of others, which were never meant to be applied to everyone. There was a time when my study was all in my intellect and I pushed away my mystical experiences. Intellectual study led to new concepts, but brought no peace and no clarity. Only experience would bring peace and clarity. I eventually learned to let my experiences, rather than what I read in a book, lead the way. And only then did I really understand what I had read. Thankfully, miraculously, my willingness to experience for myself overrode my expectations. And this has led to shattered expectations, but fascinating, illuminating experiences. My recent articles rattled some o...

It’s no surprise that last week’s article ( Committed to the Spiritual Process ) rattled a lot of readers. Expectations of what happens when the ego (personal thought system) falls away were shattered. Personal values were challenged. As I mentioned in that article, from the personal view, it makes no sense to me to change out one partner for another. I’ll encounter the same things with Hannah that I encountered with Courtney; as I would sharing my life with anyone. She’ll have habits that I find endearing one moment and detest the next. She’ll meet some of my needs, but not others. The excitement of a new relationship will pass as we settle in with each other. Ga-ga-in-love-with-each-other stages will come and go over time, with less and less frequency. For a long while I thought if Courtney left or died I wouldn’t seek out another partner. Who the hell wants to start all over with a new person and have to navigate those first couple of years where you both accidently step in em...

If you’ve been reading my blog/newsletter for the past few weeks then you know significant things have occurred in the life of this mind. Four years ago the ego (personal thought system) fell away. I didn’t realize it fully and I spent three and a half years personally in a rather barren place in this mind, though there was peace in the rest of my mind. I did feel done with the world, but I didn’t know what that meant. I just stayed with the feeling, wondering what would come next. The next thing arrived in this mind last summer with a subtle shift from emptiness to a delicious Spaciousness. This was followed by beautiful Golden Light, Love, and Joy filling the Space. Bewilderingly, an effect of this was a romance novel! From there, the Light and the shifts continued. During this time a client in Australia whom I have called Zelda in these articles, but whose real name is Hannah, became a friend as well. We grew closer over several months and began to experience a lot of sync...

“I've been a student of ACIM for four years now. I feel I have been making steady progress in remembering who I am and my relationship to the ‘world’ and ‘others’, but lately I've been hit left, right and center by what I call ‘disappointments’. It seems that everything I once enjoyed about life is either gone, changing for the worse, or just plain a big disappointment. Is this a natural part of waking up, is it aging, or am I completely on the wrong path since I feel this way? I've been talking this over with the Holy Spirit, which feels very comforting, but I can't help but feel sad these days… ” – JB What you feel is typical for a new student of A Course in Miracles . Disillusionment, lack of motivation, lack of interest, depression, etc. often occurs in the first few years. Even though you are still in the intellectual stage, you have learned to question the ego (personal thought system) and your values are changing. The meaning you gave to the things you enj...

The first time I saw her was last August when the Golden Light came into my mind and my first novel came through. There were only brief flashes of her. She was a dynamic, confident, and lighthearted personality. When she was around, the body stood straight and the muscles in its face relaxed. On one occasion, one of her sisters looked curiously at her when she responded to something with uncharacteristic lighthearted wit. “Oh, there she is,” I thought. “Even her sister doesn’t recognize her.” Suddenly, there was a Stranger within animating the self this mind projects. Since the Holy relationship came in April and this mind went through huge shifts in May and June, this new Animator emerges more and more. Over the years, when I was identified with the self, I experienced disorienting changes through personal growth and shifts in self-concepts that had me wondering briefly, “Who am I?” These were changes I felt were in me in my self-identification. But this time, I did not reco...

The ego (personal thought system) comes up with a lot of funny ideas about how the self one projects will show up when they realize Higher Awareness. It’s been implied to me by more than one person that as I rise in consciousness I will become an impersonal automaton. Ha, ha! No. It’s not like that. First, let me explain what I mean by “Higher Awareness”. The Awareness of Truth (Holy Spirit) is in every mind.   Higher Awareness is an individual expression of the Awareness of Truth. It is the awareness/consciousness/perception that replaces the ego in relation to the self. When I am in the Awareness of Truth I am looking inward at Love. When I am in Higher Awareness, I am looking outward from Love at the experience of the self. The difference between the view from lower awareness (the level of the self) and the view from Higher Awareness is stark. It is like the difference between seeing the Himalayas from Nepal and seeing them from the International Space Station. Highe...

“The holy relationship is the expression of the holy instant in living in this world. Like everything about salvation, the holy instant is a practical device, witnessed to by its results. The holy instant never fails. The experience of it is always felt. Yet without expression it is not remembered. The holy relationship is a constant reminder of the experience in which the relationship became what it is.   ” (T-17.V.1) I have written over the years about this mind’s two different experiences of the Holy relationship. One I call “mystical”. The mystical Holy relationship is what Bill and Helen experienced. I did, too, when I first became a student of A Course in Miracles thirty four years ago. I recognized everything written about it in ACIM at the time. That experience was intense, but brief. And, if you have been reading my articles these past two weeks, then you know I am blessed to have another mystical Holy relationship. That one isn’t going anywhere, because I am now ...

Some of you may be having a reaction to my last two articles about the ego (personal thought system) falling away from this mind. Your response may be like what happens after a higher miracle. What I call a higher miracle is an experience where you either see that the Truth is true, that illusion is illusion, or both. Whether or not you experience peace or joy with this experience, it is followed by shock as you realize that what A Course in Miracles teaches is true. It’s not just theory anymore! An ego backlash then follows on the heels of this. The shock and backlash may pass in days or weeks, depending on how advanced you are in your awareness of Truth. The more advanced, the less intense the reaction. Watching the ego fall and this mind rise in consciousness in “real time”, as it were, seems to be having a similar effect on some of my clients and readers. This is what I meant when I said some of you may “ride in my slipstream” in the article about the ego falling away. In es...

He thought he learned willingness, but now he sees that he does not know what the willingness is for. (T-4.I.A.7) Nothing prepared this mind for dropping the ego (personal thought system). ( http://acimmentor.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-ego-has-fallen.html) . When it happened I was prepared to handle it, but not for the specific nature of the process I was to go through. That is unique to each mind, because each mind has its own distinct expectations, structures, and habits to undo. The shock and the need for ensuing adjustments, however, do seem universal. The “life” in this mind before last summer when the Golden Light came to stay is over. It was not really a “life”, but a misidentification. So to the part of this mind that was identified with the self (body/personality) and ego (personal thought system), it is as though it “died”. I was very amused to find at the end of May that I wrote an article at the end of April saying the ego falling away is not frightening. I didn’t...

Normally, I don’t write about my experiences until I have processed them and they have or are about to pass. But such a huge shift has occurred in this mind that it will affect what I write going forward and I need to lay the groundwork for sharing what occurs as I go. I cannot even begin to describe the May I just had. I came to fully see that the ego (personal thought system) has fallen from this mind. The even better news is I began to slip into a Higher Awareness and have had regular experiences of unbounded Love and Joy. Every day of May was filled with thunderous insights, realizations, and copious processing. This episode is not over. It’s just less intense. At least for now. Who knows what’s up ahead? Last April, I wrote an article describing how I knew self-concepts had fallen from this mind. The following week I wrote how writing that article helped me to see that self-identification had fallen away, only my mind had not caught up with this fact. What is self-identi...

“What is your interpretation of the quote from Lesson 135, paragraph 18: ‘…everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?’” – KA To understand this idea, you must read the whole paragraph: “What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good? Perhaps you have misunderstood His plan, for He would never offer pain to you. But your defenses did not let you see His loving blessing shine in every step you ever took. While you made plans for death, He led you gently to eternal life.” (W-135.18) The lines after the part you quoted make it clear that the Holy Spirit’s “plan” is an interpretation of the self’s experiences in the world. The same “steps” it took can be looked at in two ways, one leading to the idea of death, the other to awareness of Eternal Life. I wrote about this mo...

“…Would you explain your understanding of the ego dynamics of the unholy relationship from (T-17.III) ‘Shadows of the Past’.” – WW (May 25, 2018) What A Course in Miracles refers to as an “unholy relationship” in that section is one where you see, usually unconsciously, someone from your past in another in the present, and you then play out your anger with the person in the past in the present relationship. For example, someone may unconsciously remind you of the uncle who abused you, or the fifth grade teacher who was unfair to you, or your mother who abandoned you, or your father who was emotionally absent, etc. The unconscious reminder may be triggered by appearance, personality, or behavior. This projection of the past on present relationships is how all personal relationships begin. After all, all we know is the past. It is not always negative. Sometimes you may instantly like someone because they remind you of someone you liked in the past. This is why it is important...

In order to undo all the false beliefs in your mind that stand in the way of inner peace, you have to be willing to be radically honest with yourself. If you are not honest with yourself you cannot be honest with anyone else—including the Holy Spirit (Awareness of Truth in your mind). It is not enough to say to the Holy Spirit, “I have this emotional/psychological pain. Please take it from me.” If you really want it removed, what you have to mean is, “I have this emotional/psychological pain. Please help me find the thoughts causing it so we can undo them together.” This means you have to be completely honest with yourself first about all that you feel and think. Oh, were you expecting the path to peace to be a comfortable process? Alas, no! You have to face your beliefs in guilt and sin and the fear they cause, in their many forms, no matter how trivial, stupid, or shameful you think them, to undo them. This is very difficult at first because they seem very real to you. T...

I have used my spirituality to not fully experience the pain of the human experience. I have not denied the pain completely, but I also have not acknowledged the pain completely. And now I see that I will not let it go until I fully accept the experience as it is . Otherwise, I hold back pieces of it and cannot totally release it. For example, the Holy Relationship I had with E was also a special relationship that ended. Oh, I felt the pain. But I also used the Holy part of our relationship to mitigate the pain. I’d tell myself things like, “but there was no real loss” because of the Holy Relationship, which I remained aware of. But there was a loss! And, real or not, I experienced it as very real. In form, in time, loss happens. And it is never undone in time. One goes on, maybe even gets over. Time does mitigate the pain. But, in the story of time, the loss occurred at that point in time . The way out of loss is not using Truth to deny it where it seems to happen. The wa...

“ I've been studying/reading Circle of Atonement's Robert Perry's (co-author of the New ACIM Complete and Annotated Edition) " Return to the Heart of God" and in a passage about the Holy Spirit he talks about paradoxes the Holy Spirit as both the Voice for God and He (HS) is God's Voice. Then he brings up another paradox the Course paints a picture of Heaven in which there are beings that have their own identity and their own will, yet are also at one with the whole and in perfect unison with a larger will. This is a bit perplexing; how much do we bring with us, our individual identity into Heaven?” - JW I’m not certain why the Holy Spirit as the “Voice for God” or as “God’s Voice” would be a paradox unless one reads “God’s Voice” as God speaking rather than as “God’s Spokesman”. If you read it as the latter, it means the same as “Voice for God”. (Voice for God = Spokesman for God/God’s Voice = God’s Spokesman). But perhaps the paradox is something el...

The belief in guilt fell away from this mind. Then the self-concept fell away. This mind is now in the process of “unlearning” self-identification. Which is to say, the ego is falling away. It is not frightening. I tell you this because all along the way on the path to transcending the ego (personal thought system), the ego says you are dying, you are killing yourself, it is impossible, it is terrifying, you will cease to exist, etc. And it was wrong. Surprise! I knew this intellectually. I knew the ego was always speaking for itself and not for this mind. But now I can report, from experience, that it is not frightening for it to fall away. It is unfamiliar, yet natural. It is fascinating and awe inspiring. It is confusing and disorienting. So it is “unsettling”, as this stage is labeled in the Development of Trust in A Course in Miracles . But there is nothing to fear. It is the ultimate paradigm shift. It feels like a massive undertaking. But, for this mind, anyway, ju...