The Gift of Letting Go of Potential

I have never been interested in fame, fortune, or power but there were certain assumptions people made about me when I became a life-coach back around 2000. One of them was that I was looking to become the next Dr. Phil, or some equivalent world-renowned life-coach. It’s true that some with whom I studied life-coaching were looking for recognition, either on a large or a small scale. Many were actively and openly looking for ways to get on Oprah! But my idea of success has always been inner peace, not a particular life style. Since I’ve written the translation of A Course in Miracles I find these assumptions (projections?) happening again. Some think that I wrote the book to become some sort of great guru, if not in the world at large, at least in the Course community. But in fact I still want only what I already have, which is everything I’ve ever really wanted: A loving life-partner, a sweet little home, and lots and lots of time for contemplation and meditation. I like my little mentoring practice and only want it to fill out. For me, awakening to God has always been an inward path that requires a quiet, simple outer life with a minimum of distractions.

The problem was that I was finding myself getting defensive whenever someone suggested that I was on track to become some well-known teacher in the world. What was that defensiveness about? Did I secretly want recognition? Fortune? Power? As often as I looked I could not find any part of me that wanted any of this. Then it occurred to me that this experience was just like the conflict I felt in high school. I’ve always been an introvert, not out of fear but out of preference. I always found the inner world of the mind far more interesting than the outer world. I could never understand the desire to be popular, though my two best friends longed for it. I didn’t understand why other kids joined clubs and organizations. When school was out I felt set free to pursue my own quiet interests – why would I want to waste my precious free time in these groups? But I felt a conflict that was more than just being different because I really was okay with who I was. Something within me was nagging at me to reach a potential that deep down I knew I had. I could be anything I wanted. And this is the same conflict that was coming up for me thirty years later. It’s not that I want recognition or power or money but that a part of me wants me to stretch Liz, not necessarily to the limit, but enough to see some of what she’s made.

So the defensiveness I felt when others suggested my goal was something other than the quiet life I really want came out of the obligation I felt, in my identification with a personal self, to discover that personal self’s potential. I felt guilty wanting a simple, quiet, inward life when I had a potential to discover. Of course, as soon as I recognized this conflict I realized how meaningless it is to develop a personal self, which isn’t me. It only makes sense to develop my awareness of What I really am. Initially I felt some grief because I enjoyed making “Liz”: stretching her wings, making her grow, testing her potential. But the grief passed quickly and was replaced by a subtle relief that left me feeling light as air. Making a personal self is a lot of work! This is one of those examples the Course speaks of where I thought something was being taken away and I found a gift instead.

>>>>>
Read The Message of A Course in Miracles: A translation of the Text in plain language at www.themessageofacim.com.