Ask: What if someone's request is harmful?
“Our Course group…(is) stumped as to what it says in Chapter 12-3:4…We understand, as Ken says, if someone asks you to jump off the Brooklyn bridge you don’t do that. What if someone is obviously taking advantage of you? Allowing them to is not helpful to them or to you. Examples would be most helpful!” – SB
You refer to T-12.III.4:
“Recognize what does not matter, and if your brothers ask you for something ‘outrageous,’ do it because it does not matter. Refuse, and your opposition establishes that it does matter to you. It is only you, therefore, who have made the request outrageous, and every request of a brother is for you. Why would you insist in denying him? For to do so is to deny yourself and impoverish both. He is asking for salvation, as you are. Poverty is of the ego, and never of God. No ‘outrageous’ requests can be made of one who recognizes what is valuable and wants to accept nothing else.”
A Course in Miracles was first for Helen Schucman
and Bill Thetford in their relationship as they took down the Course. One
of the things students need to discern is what is specific to Helen and Bill
and what can be generalized from lessons meant for them. This is one of those
situations. Obviously, something was going on for one or both when this passage
was taken down, indicated by the term outrageous being in quotes. One or
both was thinking, “This is outrageous! How dare (whoever) ask (whatever) of
me!” And the Voice was telling them that making a big deal out of it was
reinforcing ego in them and the requester. It would help if we knew what it
was, but alas, we don’t have that information.
Someone was “asking for
salvation”, meaning they were requesting something they had set up in their
mind as important, as necessary for their peace or happiness. You know this is
so for someone when they become insistent. Helen and/or Bill was being told
that to consider the request “outrageous” was to make the same mistake. Now
they felt that refusing was necessary for their own “salvation.” They were in a
clash of egos.
The first line says all you
need to know: Recognize what does not matter…The quotes around
outrageous indicate this was the judgment of the receiver of the request, and the
Voice was showing them that, in this situation, the request was not something
that mattered. And as it says elsewhere in the Course, the one who is
sanest at the moment (meaning, able to turn to Spirit) should be the one to
pull out of the conflict of egos.
You do not have to toss out
common sense to be a good student of the Course. You gave a fine example
of situations in which your refusal is common sense, no matter how important it
may seem to the other. But you don’t have to get upset yourself to refuse. You
can simply say no and walk away, putting up a boundary around the other’s drama.
But there are many situations
in which ego simply wants its way, and the outcome really is not important. For
example, you and a friend are spending time together and your friend wants to
watch something you have already seen and are not in the mood to see again. You
can see it is important to your friend to see this movie, so you determine this
is not something important and you can sit through the movie again.
However, let’s say the movie
disturbed you and it was your intention to never see it again. You don’t
have to be a martyr. You can express yourself and tell your friend how you feel
about the movie. Or you could suggest a compromise. Perhaps there is no other
way for your friend to see this movie but on your streaming service. So, you could
suggest they watch it while you go in another room.
The “valuable” mentioned at the end of the paragraph refers to Spirit. A growing awareness of Spirit shows up as maturity. You know when ego is being selfish and childish. That’s what that paragraph was about, two or more behaving selfishly and childishly. And you know what a mature response would be. Putting aside the specifics of a situation in which ego is triggered to insist on its way, the general take away from that paragraph is recognize when ego is triggered, and know if you continue in it, you are reinforcing it in your mind.
>>>>>
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Comments
Jesus teaches the first 10-15 Lessons of A Course In Miracles over and over and over again. That is what Jesus is doing here.
Like the 12 disciples we are having a difficult time understanding the Master.
In the sorting out, discerment of truth from illusion and relinquishment of blocks to the awareness of love's presence, saying YES to a brothers request, was part of our learning process, helping us raise the blocks to the awareness of love's presence and learning what we were valuing. That didn't always mean we ended up fulfilling the request as sometimes. Sometimes, the request would fall away or it became obvious we didn't need to carry through with the form based actiton. But it did help us discern what we were valuing.... i.e. the valueable = contents of the mind/love/peace/perceiving our brother's/willingess to learn we had everything to give/infinite supply and our own worth/innocence or form based outcomes and the belief in a separate self apart from God that could lose out, be vulnerable, be upset etc....
So this instruction from Jesus for me and many has been completely applicable in our learning so not just about a specific incident Helen or Bill was facing. It was an instruction used to help us learn what we were valuing/discernment and reminds me of YES MAN - the movie with Jim Carrey.
And of course the ego's concern is, you'd just be doing what everyone asked of you but it's important to remember, part of the learning is learning to receive and follow guidance - LISTEN, LEARN & DO so saying YES in the face of the situation mentioned in the OP, doesn't mean saying YES to every little thing anyone asks of us.
We are healing the mind that is projecting these non existing events.