Ego Holds Itself Apart

           Last week I wrote, “Ego holds itself off from what appears as though what happens is supposed to be at its direction and feels confused at best and furious at worst when things don’t go its way.” What I meant by ego holding itself off is it sees itself as autonomous rather than part of a whole—the whole being appearances in consciousness. It projects this autonomy onto the neutral person, something that, like ego, is also just appearing in consciousness. This never changes for ego. It never comes to feel it “belongs” except maybe temporarily with other egos and bodies. This is easily shattered, though, when ego realizes its expression is unique and it is different or it feels others don’t see it correctly.

If you have a sense of being part of something larger, a greater whole, that is not ego but is due to truth rising toward your conscious awareness. It’s a dim sense of the wholeness of truth (pure consciousness) and/or an awareness that despite the diversity of appearances they are all interconnected parts of a singular story. Ego builds its spiritualities around this sense of belonging or wholeness, although the experience does not belong to it. So it is safe, it will never be “absorbed” into a greater whole and lose its autonomy, which it values more than belonging. However, it is threatened by the idea.

In ego’s point of view that it is autonomous and separate from what is appearing, it makes sense for it to ask questions like, “I wanted T to happen but T didn’t happen. I got R instead. Why? Why couldn’t I have what I want?” Sometimes ego accepts the way the world works, so for example it will accept that it couldn’t afford T so had to settle for R. But for some egos, this constant, though reasonable, adjustment is infuriating. At some point, there may be a massive explosion of self-pity or resistance: “Why can’t I ever have what I want or all that I want?” “Why do I always have to settle?” “Why don’t things go my way?” “I’ve been good, where’s my reward?” “I work hard, why can’t I get ahead?”

These questions reveal that ego decides how things are to be, it sees itself as the arbiter of reality—a god. So, when things don’t go its way, it is confused and/or angry. It feels it has been wronged, that something cruel is standing in its way. How is it supposed to get what it wants? What’s the magic trick, the magic formula, the magic way of thinking that will lead to it getting all it wants? Ego cannot understand that what appears in consciousness, including it, is an expression and that it is predetermined.

When ego hears this idea, it asks questions like, “Why am I having this painful experience instead of that better one?” “Why has that person had an easy story and mine has been so hard?” This shows that ego thinks it is an “I” apart from what is appearing, perhaps a “soul” having a temporary experience, that maybe when the person dies will “go on” to heaven or another temporary experience of a person. But there is no “I” apart from what is appearing that is experiencing what is appearing. The “I” is an appearance along with other appearances. One ego has a hard time, another has an easy time, but these “I”s are not apart from the hard time or easy time. They are part of that expression.

The experiences happening, the stories unfolding, are simply what is happening and unfolding, they are not happening to anyone or anything apart from the experience happening and the story unfolding. In other words, there is only the character, there is no actor playing that character. What unfolds in consciousness is less like a play or movie, where actors play parts and have “real lives” apart from the play. It is more like a cartoon or animation, where the entire thing is made up and no “real” person inhabits the characters.

So, nothing real experiences having an ego. Ego experiences ego. And this is why A Course in Miracles points out: “You are doing this to yourself.” No, not the event, which is neutral and has no meaning in itself. But the interpretation is up to ego, which can learn and change and accept another way. You don’t like how you feel? Ask your inner teacher for guidance to get help with that. You don’t like making compromises, adjusting to the world? Ask your inner teacher to help you grow into an adult. You don’t like your story so far? Ask your inner teacher for another way to look at it. You feel isolated, your life feels pointless? Ask your inner teacher to help you see how you are an essential part of a greater whole, no matter how your life has looked or how it looks now. Open your mind to a better way of seeing. 

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