Ask: How can I be happy when others are unhappy?

             A common question clients and readers ask when they begin to see the way to peace is, “How can I be happy when others are unhappy?” Sometimes, the “others” are distant people, in war torn countries, for example. Other times, the “others” are people close to them. They feel it is selfish to choose peace.

A Course in Miracles states at least three times that your only responsibility is to “accept the Atonement” for yourself. In the Course, Atonement means “correction of the perception that you are separate from God.” That correction means to lead to your happiness. But in many ways, the Course tells you that your shift in perception away from separation toward unity also helps others. It is not difficult to see how this works if you think in terms of energy. Your joining others in their unhappiness only increases the amount of misery in the room—or in the world. And certainly, if someone cares about you, they don’t want you to be unhappy, too. Your unhappiness will actually increase theirs. Your peace and happiness puts a break on the extension of unhappy energy in the world.

Imagine a bucket of dirty water. If you remove a dropper full of water and purify it and put the purified water back in the bucket, the water is that much less dirty. Depending on how much water is in the bucket the change may not be noticeable, but it is there. Imagine if many droppers of water were purified. In time, you would certainly see the water becoming clearer. That process must begin somewhere, why not with you?

When it comes to happiness or unhappiness, the “dirty water” and the “clean water” are the way you think about things. The same ability you have to change your mind about things is there in others. Whether they access that or not is their path to walk, which is, frankly, none of your business. That is between them and the Holy Spirit. It is respectful, not neglectful, to honor this.

The Course says true empathy is not joining others in their unhappiness but joining with the truth in them. You overlook their illusion of unhappiness, remembering for them that there is more in their mind than whatever thoughts make them unhappy. This is how you reinforce the awareness of truth in both of you. Compassion should not lead to the unhappiness of the compassionate. Compassion says, “I see you are hurting. If it brings you comfort, I will sit with you in your unhappiness but not join you there.” Your peace and happiness models for others—whether it is time for them to see it or not—that there is another way.

This is where some will say, “Oh, but my peace makes me feel separate from others.” Truth is wholeness, in which, by definition, there is no sense of separation. So, what you feel is detachment where you used to feel—or you hoped to feel—attachment (connection). If your awareness of truth brings about detachment from something, that something, and what used to feel or hoped to feel attachment to it, must have been illusions. In fact, the awareness of truth does bring about detachment from the idea that there are “others” because there is only the one truth right here. 

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If you have a question the answer to which you feel may be helpful to others, send it to Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered in this newsletter/blog.