An Update on the Holy Relationship

 (The “I” in this article is consciousness, not Christ).

 

As some of you know, I am in a mystical holy relationship with an Australian woman named Hannah. I am asked about this relationship now and then, so I thought I would give an update.

But first, since many of you may not have read my memoir or may be new to this newsletter/blog, I want to explain a few things to catch you up.

First, I have experienced the holy relationship in two ways, mystical and practical. These are my terms and not from A Course in Miracles. Most students of the Course eventually make it a practice to bring Spirit into their relationships, and this results in what I call the practical holy relationship. A mystical holy relationship, however, involves spiritual Vision, which is a perception (consciousness, awareness) of Christ beyond consciousness. This is not something you can choose or make happen. If it is to happen for you, it will. Of course, anyone in a mystical holy relationship will naturally try to also make it a practical holy relationship.

My first experience of a mystical holy relationship came when I was twenty-one and first a student of the Course. In a relationship with a woman named Emily, who was also a student of the Course, I became aware of my Self, Christ. Merely thinking about Emily was like looking into a mirror where I saw this Self. I didn’t identify this Self as Christ at the time, but I was certainly aware that the Self I saw was not the self, or person, I thought I was. Seeing my Self brought me great joy, but also threatened the ego to the hilt, so I also experienced tremendous fear and fierce resistance. I was made vividly aware of the split mind.

Understand, a mystical holy relationship is not an idealized relationship of any kind. It is not about your person getting their needs met. It is not soul mates who really get each other. It is not about a deep emotional connection where your person feels truly seen and understood. A mystical holy relationship is where a tear occurs in the veil of consciousness and the Light of Christ pours through, joining with Its Self on the other side of the veil, and revealing consciousness to be an insubstantial illusion. In other words, the mystical holy relationship is not about persons or personalities, and in fact wipes out any illusion of their significance, thus threatening ego. And whether the two get along swimmingly (not likely initially, given ego’s resistance) or are at each other’s throats (likely, for at least some time) does not matter to the mystical holy relationship one iota. It is untouched by anything happening between the two involved and is experienced as deeply disruptive to the material relationship, even as it brings joy to the mind of the perceivers.

The material relationship of my first mystical holy relationship passed in a few months. The mystical Vision of the holy relationship remained for a few years, but eventually petered out after I realized the holy relationship was always with me in the Holy Spirit. I went on to practical holy relationships, including a happy marriage.

When I shifted consciousness a few years ago, the Golden Light of Christ’s Love burst into my conscious awareness, and I recognized it as the Vision of the holy relationship I had always hoped would return. I had long understood the holy relationship to be this Vision, and in fact, Vision had come to be what I meant when I used the term holy relationship. So, I did not expect to experience another singular expression of the holy relationship. But then, into that time of returned Vision came Hannah, who had also had mystical experiences involving me. (You can read the details in my memoir.) My experience with Hannah is different from what I experienced with Emily. Instead of a reflection of my Self, I simply know my Self. I know the Unity of Christ.

Light disrupts darkness and Truth breaking into conscious awareness both illuminates and disrupts consciousness. In my case, the result was my material life coming apart. Wife, house, dogs—all gone. The Light of Christ brought a new experience of existence that could not be reconciled with the old one. I spent a year in Australia with Hannah. It was wonderful in many ways, but our relationship was often difficult. We both would have let the relationship go but for the strong sense we were to stay in touch.

When I returned to the US it was with vague plans to return to Australia after fulfilling the time away necessary to secure another visa. (I was too old for a work visa.) Hannah and I also made plans for her to visit me here before I went back. But then the pandemic hit, and our countries shut down.

We stayed in touch fairly consistently for a little while, but then began to drift apart, sometimes drifting back toward each other, but our relationship deteriorated. For me, Vision has remained the same. Our conflicts are ridiculous and always about trivial things that would probably not bother us in other circumstances. We can see this, yet we cannot stop ramped up, threatened egos, only let their triggers run their course. All this while, ego has been winding down in me while Spirit emerges more and more, but any of ego left is still wholly resistant to Hannah. What has become clear for me is that first there is resistance and then ego will point to anything it can in Hannah to justify that resistance. In other words, there is nothing about Hannah that justifies ego’s resistance to her. In fact, I am very much in touch with how the resistance is not to her at all, but to the Light of Christ piercing consciousness where I seem to see her. Ego wishes to destroy Truth, not her.

 I sometimes think the only way we could resume any kind of relationship is if ego goes dormant in at least one of us. For me, the difficulty is that she is an empath, so even when I can move quickly past a triggered ego in me, it’s too late. She has felt it and is triggered herself. We then end up in a death spiral of mutually assured triggerage.

After going through a very dark time transitioning out of the delusion of ego, I have emerged into the Light. And I now view our contentious relationship with amusement. It’s so silly. Unity is here and yet this ridiculous triggering occurs. But no matter. Unity is all that is real.

It's not that Hannah is a special case for me, either. The resistance in ego to the Light I experience with her occurs everywhere all the time. It’s just that the Light rents the veil of consciousness in this relationship, illuminating the resistance.

 Hannah and I are not currently in touch by mutual agreement. I do no know why. What occurs happens because it is to happen, and the cause is never feelings. For example, I experienced much worse resistance earlier, yet knew I was to stay in touch with her. When I said goodbye this last time, it was because I felt it was time to do so.

Who knows when—or even if—we will be in touch again. Yet, the Vision of Unity is still here, completely untouched either way.

 

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If you have a question the answer to which you feel may be helpful to others, send it to Liz@acimmentor.com and I will answer it in this newsletter/blog.