“I am 39 and single, childless. I have spent the last 15 years doing everything (and at times letting go) to find a partner (and be the best I can be and absolutely everything under the sun) and have a family. This has not happened. I am a few months shy of 40, and am accepting the painful truth that it hasn’t and probably will not happen (I am not prepared to have a child on my own). It is so hard not to judge this as 'devastating' and 'wrong'. I can’t even judge it as 'for the best' or 'meant to be'. I can’t seem to connect to the HS in my mind at the lesson or truth of this. There is shock, grief and denial. I’ve been able to accept spiritual understanding with so many things, but not this. In saying that, I am definitely in a process right now, and am quite certain I will come out the other side- I always do. Insights?” - HE
The first thing you need to clarify for yourself is that what does or does not happen in the universe of form has nothing at all to do with God (True Being). I say this in case you feel some anger toward the Holy Spirit for what has nothing to do with the Holy Spirit. This anger could be why you are unable to connect to the Holy Spirit lately.
Also your statement that you have been “the best I can be” may indicate that you believe that you have to “earn” what you desire from some power over and outside of you (a god). That god does not exist and the universe of form does not function as a system of reward and punishment.
The universe of form is an expression of the idea of not-God. It is an idea that was over as soon as it was thought. And it is meaningless because the opposite-of-God is not possible. But the ego (personal thought system) in your mind, which is part of that idea, teaches you that form is reality and therefore meaningful. It teaches you that you are part of form (a self, or body/personality) and to seek to fulfill your sense of lack through form. On the other hand, the Holy Spirit (awareness of Truth) in your mind teaches you that you are already whole in Truth and to just observe the unfolding story of the universe of form.
It has been my observation, of this self’s life as well as of other selves’ lives, that a self’s deepest authentic desires generally express the role that self will play out in the story of the universe of form. However, that does not mean it will play out exactly as one assumes or in the time frame one would like. For example, for much of this self’s early life it thought it wanted to raise children. This self is a nurturer and the natural assumption was that the desire to nurture would be satisfied by raising children. But this self nurtured in other ways and realized she didn’t need to have children to be fulfilled and does not regret not having children.
Also, this self always wanted to be married. She wanted to experience a life-long commitment with another. But she didn’t meet her mate until she was 30 years old. So the lesson is to trust the unfolding for the self and to open your mind to the possibility of the self’s desires being fulfilled in ways you perhaps have not considered. Where the Holy Spirit comes into this is in living present in the wholeness of Truth. When you know that you are whole in Truth you stop looking to the self’s unfolding life for wholeness. This frees you to trust and watch the unfolding for the self.
Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, and Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace at www.acimmentor.com.