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Showing posts from March, 2019

The Little Will Returneth

When I say the ego (personal thought system) fell away from this mind, what I mean is the structure of that thought system is gone. The structure of it was made up of values and beliefs and the thoughts and concepts that uphold them. And I simply no longer believe in them. The habits of thinking and reacting with the ego—what I call the “echo” of the ego—is ever diminishing. One of those habits is the exertion of what I call the “little will”. A few weeks ago I mentioned how I used to try to look upon this will as an alien thing I had to release. But I found that unhelpful, because the little will is part of my True Will, so it cannot be released. Trying to do so felt to me like I was trying to undo myself, which, besides being undesirable, is impossible! I’ve been through many episodes in the past nineteen months. One of those episodes I call The Hugeness. There was a sense of a Huge Presence over me during this time. That Presence was Me—It was my Will, Which is the Will …

The Two Fantasies

I wrote long ago about how when I was young I had the very frightening experience of fantasizing about women I was attracted to and then finding my fantasy didn’t line up with pseudoreality (my term for what is called “reality” in the world). For example, I’d have a crush on a woman at work and fantasize about her in off hours or over the weekend and then when I saw her again at work I’d realize my fantasy had nothing to do with who she really was. Then I was terrified—what the hell was I doing in my mind? Then along came A Course in Miracles and it described this phenomenon in a few different ways. (Writing scripts for others; we make an ego not just for ourselves, but for others; you change your relationship to others even when you are not with them, etc.) Phew! At least I knew I wasn’t the only crazy person around! But knowing this didn’t stop it. In fact, I became aware I did it in more than just romantic situations. It was always a disturbing experience. I wasn’t “livi…

Projecting From Central Casting

As most of you know, I have come to Australia to be in a Holy Relationship with Hannah. I have been here for five months now. One of the things I discovered about Hannah is she has many facets. She has the usual sides to her personality that everyone has, but she also has qualities that, for me anyway, are not fully “sides” so I think of them as “facets”. For a long while, I felt I could not see her clearly. It felt like I was looking at her through a fog, but I couldn’t see what the fog was made of. However, as I slowly became familiar with her sides and her facets, the fog seemed to disperse, and she came into clearer focus. Then one day, without even thinking about it, I saw what the fog was made of: My projections. And I saw how I formed them. A Course in Miracles tells us that, unconsciously, we see people in our past in the people in our lives in the present. They may have a physical or a personality resemblance to someone in our past, resulting in us responding to th…

The Other Consiousness

I have felt for quite some time in a borderland. (Not to be confused with the “Borderland” in A Course in Miracles, which is the Real World). I have left darkness and I’m headed into the Light (Holy Spirit—the Awareness of Truth in my mind). I do not see as far and as clearly as I do when I am in the Light, but It does illuminate the borderland so I see much more than I did before. As I have shared, I have seen much deeper into the ego (personal though system) and into this mind’s relationship to it. But the Light Itself has also been illuminated for me. I wrote a few weeks ago about how I’d come to see what I call “Higher Awareness” (egolessness) is not only a result of an awareness of Truth but that it can be attained simply through the willingness for it. (Forgiveness, HigherAwareness, and Christ Consciousness). This didn’t cause a shift in me so much as an adjustment to my view. But it’s an important correction. I feel as I would if on the eve of my wedding I learned s…