Posts

Showing posts from February, 2020

From Death to Life

Years ago I discovered something about the ego: What it told me to fear was what it secretly desired for me. Is there some disaster you are projecting in your life now? Maybe you are afraid you will lose someone or something, like a job. Maybe you fear for a loved one who is in trouble or sick. Maybe you have financial concerns. Maybe your life and your loved ones are settled for now, yet you still catastrophize over something, perhaps your country’s direction or the planet as a whole. Whatever it is, the ego hopes the disaster you fear will come to pass. Fear is really a wish. And nowhere is this more clear than with the idea of death. It is the ego’s ultimate goal for you. I have faced this lately as I have come to experience my immortality. For the past couple of years, since I became aware the ego has been gone for a while, a part of me has grieved over my “death”. “This means I’m dead” is what I heard at first. The bulk of the grief passed a few months ago after a momen…

Seeing the Past in the Present

A Course in Miracles teaches us that through the ego we project onto the present from our individual past in the hopes of healing past hurts. We hold against those in the present injuries we perceive others caused in the past and expect them to make up for what we think those others did to us in the past. For example, you felt your mother was emotionally distant so you find yourself drawn (usually unconsciously) to emotionally distant partners in the (again, unconscious) hope that they will give you what your mother didn’t. If they do, you feel it is a “match made in heaven”. If they do not, you resent them and replay your drama with your mother over and over. Why, you wonder, can you never get your needs met? Recently I discovered that I was projecting hurt from my first holy relationship onto Hannah, with whom I am presently in a holy relationship. This erupted in a horrific way, but cleared up something that had been very confusing and difficult for me in my relationship with her.…

Back to "God"

I have gone back to “God”. I am writing a memoir about my path up through, well, when I finish it! The title—as of now—is A Memoir of Christ: A Student of A Course in Miracles Awakens. I was not planning this. One day the prologue for the book came to me, I wrote it, and suddenly there was a preface, and I’ve gone from there. You can see the thread of it in the title. It was a surprise to me. Suddenly the whole of my former life was re-framed as Christ’s journey. And my new experience of existence is given new context. A year ago I had an experience on a walk where I was my Self, the one we all share. Jesus was there and I knew I was experiencing me as I am, Christ. If you know my story, you know I point to the start of my spiritual path as a moment when I was a teenager and suddenly knew that what Jesus was everyone was. In that moment a year ago I realized this in my experience. A few days later I knew I was going to go forward in my teaching using the term Christ. Wel…

A Whole New Experience of Existence

When the ego had fallen away but I had not recognized this, I had an ongoing experience of detachment and something else, what I came to call the “ghost in the world” experience. I wrote at the time that I felt like Bruce Willis’s character in The Sixth Sense (spoiler alert!): Walking the world as though part of it, not realizing I was dead. Except, unlike his character, I knew I was not the same, although I could not describe how. A bit over a year and half ago I realized I am Spirit. A couple of months later I felt this again and after that it came over me now and then. I realized this was a more direct experience of the ghost in the world feeling. But there was something to the experience I couldn’t quite grasp. What did it mean to be Spirit? How do you go about being Spirit? The experience faded as I went about dealing with all the other incredible stuff occurring in my mind and life. Then something crept quietly into my ongoing awareness: I am immortal. This is what the ghost and…