Ask: Any insights on accepting not having the partner and family I want?
“I am 39 and single, childless. I have spent the
last 15 years doing everything (and at times letting go) to find a partner (and
be the best I can be and absolutely everything under the sun) and have a
family. This has not happened. I am a few months shy of 40, and am accepting
the painful truth that it hasn’t and probably will not happen (I am not
prepared to have a child on my own). It is so hard not to judge this as
'devastating' and 'wrong'. I can’t even judge it as 'for the best' or
'meant to be'. I can’t seem to connect to the HS in my mind at the lesson or
truth of this. There is shock, grief and denial. I’ve been able to accept
spiritual understanding with so many things, but not this. In saying that, I am
definitely in a process right now, and am quite certain I will come out the
other side- I always do. Insights?” - HE
The
first thing you need to clarify for yourself is that what does or does not
happen in the universe of form has nothing at all to do with God (True
Being). I say this in case you feel some
anger toward the Holy Spirit for what has nothing to do with the Holy Spirit.
This anger could be why you are unable to connect to the Holy Spirit lately.
Also
your statement that you have been “the best I can be” may indicate that you believe
that you have to “earn” what you desire from some power over and outside of you
(a god). That god does not exist and the universe of form does not function as
a system of reward and punishment.
The
universe of form is an expression of the idea of not-God. It is an idea that
was over as soon as it was thought. And it is meaningless because the
opposite-of-God is not possible. But the ego (personal thought system) in your
mind, which is part of that idea, teaches you that form is reality and
therefore meaningful. It teaches you that you are part of form (a self, or
body/personality) and to seek to fulfill your sense of lack through form. On
the other hand, the Holy Spirit (awareness of Truth) in your mind teaches you
that you are already whole in Truth and to just observe the unfolding story of
the universe of form.
It
has been my observation, of this self’s life as well as of other selves’ lives,
that a self’s deepest authentic desires generally express the role that self
will play out in the story of the universe of form. However, that does not mean
it will play out exactly as one assumes or in the time frame one would like.
For example, for much of this self’s early life it thought it wanted to raise
children. This self is a nurturer and the natural assumption was that the
desire to nurture would be satisfied by raising children. But this self
nurtured in other ways and realized she didn’t need to have children to be
fulfilled and does not regret not having children.
Also,
this self always wanted to be married. She wanted to experience a life-long
commitment with another. But she didn’t meet her mate until she was 30 years
old. So the lesson is to trust the
unfolding for the self and to open your mind to the possibility of the self’s
desires being fulfilled in ways you perhaps have not considered. Where the Holy
Spirit comes into this is in living present in the wholeness of Truth. When you
know that you are whole in Truth you stop looking to the self’s unfolding life
for wholeness. This frees you to trust and watch the unfolding for the self.
>>>>>
Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, and Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace at www.acimmentor.com.
Comments
For so long I believed in what my story should be but it didn't turn out that way. At the age of 49 I married the man of my dreams and he was, the man of my dreams. Oh how this man cherished, adored and loved me, all the while when I didn't love me. He kept showing me how lovable I was but I didn't believe it. I didn't believe I was worthy. I was not ready to receive his love and then he passed but his love never did because in a holy instant, on a warm summer day this past July, I finally recognized in my mind what he loved all those years and in that instant, I accepted It. You see, I had to first learn how to love that little girl crying to be loved before I could accept His Love. I am loving her now and she is brilliant, she is radiant, she is Love. I finally see her. Aren't we all that little girl or that little boy that wants to be loved, that wants to know they are deserving, that they are worthy of love, that they are the Love?
Ask to be shown your hearts desires and right now, in this holy moment, just love her, love him and continue developing Trust that God Loves You!
So lesson 161 says, “Select one brother, symbol of the rest, and ask salvation of him . . . one who can forgive you all your sins . . . Give me your blessing, holy Son of God. I would behold you with the eyes of Christ, and see my perfect sinlessness in you.”
Now how perfect is this, that the IRS be the symbol of the rest. Laughing out loud.
So what I would like to add, that speaks to this post is, don't be fooled by the ego that tells you, you need this, you need that to make you Whole. You are that perfect Child of God. Be that child who knows her wholeness and talks to the frogs in the garden and gives them special names, who doesn't have judgment of self and eats a three scoop sundae and wears the chocolate fudge on her brand new blouse with pride, be the one that laughs at an illusory monster that I call the IRS. Be that empowering child that knows her wholeness.
That was my 'old sense' of forgiveness, too, before the Course was in my life years later...but it was a start. To forgive him (not for what he did to me, but to our Mother) was like raising the Titanic to me.She was a very helpful practitioner - and was in an abusive marriage - my Mom said her husband was always yelling at her and complaining when she was on the phone with clients! Anyway - just Looking at forgiveness started my Awareness of Wholeness. I came from Wholeness anywhere I went (more and more)...and by the time I met my husband of 17 years now, I wasn't even "hunting" for a man! I did get out a little, but wasn't scanning the room for potential mates anymore - and really having a peaceful time, I recall....it all just happened so easily and as if it were all orchestrated that we should meet.
Anyway - practicing True Forgiveness and having the Awareness of wholeness - you're not lacking true companionship - it is flowing out of you.
Annonymous - I too name critters in my back yard!
The "real' healing is the miracle which is our Awareness of our not needing anything at all (not lacking) but a lot of us aren't 'there' yet.
I had a parrot, too...Charlie, laid eggs in my kitchen cabinet one blizzardy night!
im finding that bringing my mind back to the awareness that these issues in my mind, the conflict and lack thoughts, have a purpose is really helpful! the feelings around the issue become instantly much quieter, softer, or even disappear. and i can see that only my desire for my self to be real makes this choice feel difficult sometimes.
its been a dance random jigs kind of day! to think the last time around i found this lesson boring!!
im finding that bringing my mind back to the awareness that these issues in my mind, the conflict and lack thoughts, have a purpose is really helpful! the feelings around the issue become instantly much quieter, softer, or even disappear. and i can see that only my desire for my self to be real makes this choice feel difficult sometimes.
its been a dance random jigs kind of day! to think the last time around i found this lesson boring!!
We have to stay out of the pucker brush, the pucker brush, the pucker brush, we have to stay out of the pucker brush so early in the morning.
It takes forever to pull them out, to pull them out, to pull them out, it takes forever to pull them out so early in the morning.
We need to poop some other place, some other place, some other place, we have to poop some other place so early in the morning.
It wasn't so bad after all, after all, after all, it wasn't so bad, after all so early in the morning.
Forgive it and be peaceful, peaceful, peaceful, forgive it and be peaceful so early in the morning.
THANK you for the love and the laughter.. God bless us, everyOne ;)
“In gentle laughter does the Holy Spirit perceive the cause, and looks not to effects. How else could He correct your error, who have overlooked the cause entirely? He bids you bring each terrible effect to Him that you may look together on its foolish cause and laugh with Him a while. You judge effects, but He has judged their cause. And by His judgment are effects removed. Perhaps you come in tears. But hear Him say, ‘My brother, holy Son of God, behold your idle dream, in which this could occur. And you will leave the holy instant with your laughter and your brother’s joined with His.” (A Course in Miracles Chapter 27, VIII. The “Hero” of the Dream, paragraph 9)
In the beginning of Ch.3 in the Message of ACIM it is explaining separation and says "This is not real. You are Eternally One with God...Believing in illusion is a choice and it will disappear in an instant if you want it to ...etc" this is addressing the decision maker who is asleep. The course is explaining to the decision maker what has happened. None of it is addressed to the personal mind. Does this sound right.
So when I, Will with a personal mind with free will, make the choice to practice ACIM, it really isn't about Will, it's about the personal mind Will getting the message to the decision maker.
So when we write on the blog about how we are experiencing this or that with the course or have had this or that happen in our lives we have got it wrong. It would be more accurate to say the mind is projecting this or that happening to Will.
But in the beginning the Holy Spirit uses the belief in a personal self/body to teach us.
i guess its more accurate for a seemingly separate self to say 'my right-minded will is for me to know my reality' and wake from the dream of a self, whereas my wrong-minded will is for me to keep searching for happiness in the world, because that makes that self seem real? wow the course is amazing at meeting us where we think we are. i was just thinking 'gee, theres so much in it thats misleading, but thats only if i hold on to my old interpretations.' its not misleading, its brilliant how it can be read from changing perspectives and help us where we are.
If separation is the illusion, then trying to figure out what is or isn't illusion is just an extension of illusion. Lesson 80 reminds me that we can keep it simple and not chase our tails in circles over illusory conundrums. So we can get Real. Cut to the chase. It feels good! (I don't think feeling good is an illusion).
Thanks Liz. I will check out those links.
“What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?” (W-135.18)
We can accept and be grateful for everything we have from God and quietly notice the ego wanting more more more! If we appreciate and work with our God-given gifts instead of our ego perceived lacks, then we're on the right track!
What you write in the blog comments is the decision maker writing about its experiences with the personal mind and trying to transcend the personal mind.
What I have been looking at is a quote from the first page of Chapter 2, "Fourth, you believe (the decision maker believes, not the personal mind) that you are your own source and that what you are is your own choice." This is directed only to the sleeping mind (NOT to the personal mind, Will)to explain what has happened, that it is asleep. The purpose of forgiveness is to awaken the sleeping mind it has nothing to do with us as people doing the course. The course really has nothing to do with us as people other than to reflect back to the sleeping mind that it is asleep. Yes?
I don't know that I have experienced Beyond but the pull is very strong. It is consciously there most every day.
Personal mind (ego): This body is overweight and should lose 30 pounds. I need a diet plan of feeding this body nothing but salads and exercising it at least 4 hours a day.
Decision maker: Sees the self judging thoughts of not good enough and wants peace, wants to awaken from this dream and chooses once again, asking the Holy Spirit for guidance.
Right Mind: Receives a two word loving response, “Self Love” and experiences Love's Embrace, losing the self judgment.
Personal mind (ego): Later takes this body for a ride and stops for ice cream. Orders a 3 scoop sundae topped with caramel sauce, chocolate fudge, cream topping, nuts and a big fat cherry. Eats the whole thing and feels fat and awful.
Decision maker: Understands the mind's resistance as this has happened many times before after receiving a miracle. So instead of eating the sundae with Love, her right mind, she ate it with guilt, her wrong mind and so once again looks to Truth in her mind.
Right Mind: Reminded, the problem is not outside yourself but in your mind and remembers the miracle “Self Love” and with gentle laughter, she smiles a chocolate fudge smile knowing none of this matters in Truth and goes for a walk with her pups who never judge and only see her Spirit. I am peaceful because God Loves Me. I Am Worthy, I am a perfect Child of God.
Decision maker: I need to post this on Liz's blog.
Go to You Tube and put in the search: DDP Yoga. Then scroll down to the video "Never, Ever give up. Arthur's Inspirational Transformation." I've done this DDP Yoga and it is incredible if you keep up with it.
I was at my sisters this past weekend and the question was raised, "what is the key to weight loss, diet or exercise?" Well the debate ensued and then I was asked directly and replied, both and neither, it is what your mind's belief is. Then I hear a comment, oh Deb, you are so "out there" and I said, well, more like, "in there"! Ha!
Will, you are the second person mentioning yoga to me, hmm. I use to practice yoga and ddp's style looks restorative. So keeping in mind purpose, I will investigate. Still chuckling about a yoga instructor with the voice of a pro wrestlers. Sweetly received, Deb
Deb,
It's the real deal. I used to run for exercise. I kept at it for a number of years. I ran 11 marathons in a two year period and god only knows how many other races. I was in my fifties when this was going on. I was running from 20-50 miles a week to stay in shape. For a period I got up every Saturday morning and ran 20 miles. Now running for me who has genetics from Yugoslavia and was built like those guys you see covered in grease wrestling over there was more like a jog. But I digress. If I did not stay on a strict diet I would gain weight even with all that exercise.
The links I sent you weren't meant to be watched with "belief being the optimum word." They are not an intellectual exercise to be figured out just a couple of videos that someone who is familiar with exercise found interesting and then followed up on. My hear rate while doing the exercises was in the 130's.
For some time I practiced svaroopa yoga for flexibility and peace. Now I walk and peace is found through my course practice. I was not kidding though, I will check out ddp further and it would be what Deb decides to do for self care, self love as it's purpose. Check out Liz's new blog on accepting what is. Peace out.