Committed to the Spiritual Process


If you’ve been reading my blog/newsletter for the past few weeks then you know significant things have occurred in the life of this mind. Four years ago the ego (personal thought system) fell away. I didn’t realize it fully and I spent three and a half years personally in a rather barren place in this mind, though there was peace in the rest of my mind. I did feel done with the world, but I didn’t know what that meant. I just stayed with the feeling, wondering what would come next.

The next thing arrived in this mind last summer with a subtle shift from emptiness to a delicious Spaciousness. This was followed by beautiful Golden Light, Love, and Joy filling the Space. Bewilderingly, an effect of this was a romance novel! From there, the Light and the shifts continued.

During this time a client in Australia whom I have called Zelda in these articles, but whose real name is Hannah, became a friend as well. We grew closer over several months and began to experience a lot of synchronicity and other things that signaled that our minds had joined. In April, we acknowledged we had a Holy relationship. In May, I acknowledged to her that for me personal feelings for her had come with the Holy relationship. I already knew she had personal feelings for me.

I was married, so I was bothered by the feeling that I had another “partner”, even though it was a spiritual partner. And so I told my wife, Courtney. I explained the Holy relationship and I was honest that there were also personal feelings, but they were secondary. Hannah is on the other side of the world. The Holy relationship is what matters. Our marital boat rocked for a bit, but we set boundaries and things settled in that regard.

But not within me. Huge shifts began to occur. I came to realize I had “died”—the ego had fallen away and it was all new within. I could feel my old way of thinking with an ego dismantling every day. I could feel my mind shifting to Higher Awareness. I became aware, as I shared in an article two weeks ago, that a new Animator had come to live through the self. But, more than those already rocking experiences, I was sensing outward movement, too. I resisted this hard. I was having visions of myself in Australia with Hannah. I was hearing, within, that she was my new partner, and that I needed to get to know her. In fact, I felt in some ways that I was already with her, on every level, even though that was not appearing in form. I hardly knew her, but I felt my life with her was more real than the life the body was in. I fought this. I told myself the shifts were only internal. New Life, New Love, New Land—this is only a metaphor for what is going on within.

I didn’t ask for this! I felt complete in my life in every way. I was happy in my marriage. I wasn’t looking for anything but deepening awareness of Truth. And yet, I was given this gift of the Holy relationship, and Hannah to love, in every way. Because I didn’t need this, because there was no lack to fill, it was pure Joyful Abundance. But I recognized, on some level, that her arrival signaled that the old Liz truly was “dead”. She was the partner for the emerging self that is now directed by the new Animator within. It was the new Liz’s heart that leapt in Joyful recognition of Hannah as her given partner.

For two months I struggled hard against what I knew was happening. It was too huge! The conflict was enormous. I jerked poor Hannah around with my mixed signals. An intuitive, she, too, saw me with her, but my telling her it was not happening now threw her into doubt about what she could trust. Courtney was accepting of our situation, but not really comfortable. In the past she and I had discussed open marriages and polyamory, but we both felt these did not really fit our situation with Hannah. I struggled to stay in the life I was in—the life that I had felt was over for so long—and still somehow have the Holy relationship with Hannah.

Then, at the end of June, I finally had to face that I could not reconcile my “dead” life with the new one emerging within me. I left Courtney, who had been the former Liz’s wife, best friend, and partner in every way for twenty-four years. In a few months I will be taking the self to Australia; to a Holy and every-other-way relationship with Hannah.

At first there was more grief than relief. And so many surreal moments of confusion that sometimes seemed like doubt, but never lasted for long. Am I really making a wholesale life change at fifty-four? Yes, I am. I no longer have the illusion that the self belongs to this consciousness. Something Else has come to live through the self this mind projects. And the old life needs to be brought down to zero so It can.

One of my first thoughts after I left Courtney was, “How can I tell my readers/clients about this humungous life shift that followed the dropping of the ego without terrifying them?” But I have always been honest about my process and I’m not going to stop now. Of course, it does not unfold the same way for everyone. Certainly, most will not be called on to make such a wholesale change in their life. (It remains to be seen why I was!) And, of course, I am no longer in a mindset of lack, sacrifice, and loss. Yes, I grieve, but in a process of transformation, not loss. (More on this next week). Whatever your part in the Undoing (Atonement) requires, you will be ready for it, as I was ready for this.

When Courtney and I got together she told me her 12-step program came first for her. I said that was okay, because my spiritual process came first for me. It was my primary commitment. It preceded everything else, in time, but also in importance, to me. My mistake was thinking I could make any other commitment. Courtney has said no spiritual path would ask someone to leave their wife. I must be acting from ego. I understand what she is saying, because hers is a path of spiritualizing the ego, not transcending it. But, actually, my making a commitment beyond my commitment to my awareness of Truth was ego. I was looking to make something unchanging in the world. Hannah understands that my only honest commitment now can be to my spiritual process. And it is the same for her. We will see where our commitment to Truth takes us together.

Of course, Courtney and my family think I’ve had a mental break or I’m having a midlife crisis. I am dismantling an entire life, down to nearly zero, and going to another country I’ve never been to, to be with a woman I’ve never met in person. Oh, I understand their perspective. Sometimes I’ve shared it! From the outside it does look insane. But within, I trust this unfolding with deepening serenity.

My family and friends grieve the leaving Liz. But, from my perspective, they are only catching up with where I have been for a while. I cannot find the old Liz. She truly is gone. A new one is emerging. There is no way they can understand that I am wholly new within. Who could understand this but someone who has experienced it?

I realize what I have shared here will make some readers uncomfortable for various reasons. I welcome your questions and will answer them in private or in this newsletter/blog if you prefer.

And, in answer to the inevitable questions: Yes, I will continue to write, teach, and mentor, just from a new country. I plan to maintain my relationships with my current clients, if they are willing, if necessary, to make some time adjustments.

>>>>> 
A mentor is someone who walks the path ahead of you. If you want to benefit from my experience and perhaps shorten your process, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.

If you have a question the answer to which you think will help others email it to me at Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered in the newsletter/blog.

Comments

Do you think the more we walk this path of Undoing, the higher the chances our partner will have to undue, close or exceed our level just to keep that relationship united? I ask because I think about what you are saying and I think about the partnered successes of Kennith Wapnick, Gary Renard, Jesus for that matter.
Christine said…
Hi Martin...Kenneth Wapnick was married before and divorced, one daughter, I think I read...so he met Gloria and it was right...Gary Renard was married, then the two images showed up in his livingroom, and he wrote that interesting book, Undoing of the Universe, or something...and Jesus was single, I think, I couldn't imagine his cutting a lawn with a white picket fence, or picking up a gallon of milk from the grocery store on his way home from work!
So, we sometimes outgrow our partners, and they us...I hope Courtney is ok, but your leaving is not to hurt her, it is a new chapter in your eternal unfolding Life. This is funny, today I took the morning off to ride my horse...after I bathed him, he walked over and was fixated on a mare's saddle blanket which has the name Hannah on it! I had to drag him away from it!
ACIM Mentor said…
Martin, how one's awareness of Truth shows up in form will be different for each. I would not have any expectations! I so did not see this coming.
ACIM Mentor said…
Christine, there is a theory that the wedding Jesus was at in the Bible was his own. He acted as host, after all. (One theory is that he was married to Mary Magdalene, who had a unique place among his disciples).

Courtney is okay, though deeply hurt. She has lost a lot through my inner shift. But she also had a very profound spiritual year that prepared her, though neither of us knew it was for this.

I'm sure Hannah would love the synchronicity with the saddle blanket!
hannah said…
i did love the synchronicity with the saddle blanket!
Cara said…
What a fabulous journey and I wish you the very best with your new holy relationship! I understand what you have been through since I went through the same thing. When this happens, the old self falls away and there is no going back. How brave of you to make peace with this transition necessary for Truth and to accept it just as it is. Good luck with your new adventures and thank you for sharing <3
ACIM Mentor said…
Thank you, Cara.
Thanks for posting this Liz and welcome to Australia. It's irrelevant but kind of curious where you'll be here and if you'll be living anywhere near me? Northern NSW - Byron Bay area

ACIM Mentor said…
Albany, WA, WtP.
JontheArtist said…
Blessings. How does that work on phone connection out of country?
ACIM Mentor said…
Jon, I will have an international plan on my mobile or we can Skype.
Deb Baczewski said…
Since this mind's ego hasn't fallen as yet it still spoke first and the loudest. This share raised some needed forgiveness that I must say was surprising. Powerful stuff. Now mind quiet, I am here to offer mighty blessings to all. Courageous!

Deb Baczewski said…
The Holy Spirit shined through these words spoken by Kirsten about one of her relationships.

"When it's maximized it's maximized. The Love is what's true so the Love never ends, it just gets deeper and deeper."

Anna Poulin said…
just a thought about one of your statements.. And yet, I was given this gift of the Holy relationship, and Hannah to love, in every way... ACIM states you can not have been given anything.. for 1. it doesn't exist and 2. to be given something usually means it comes from outside of us.. there is no out there out there to give us anything.. especially when it is unreal. That you have found a stronger connection that appears to resemble more of who you truly are is good.. you can pursue your path of atonement with the help of ACIM with a stronger connection to your True Self... that you believe that your ego has fallen away is not for me to agree or not agree.. actually I think its irrelevant. my thought is that to be aware of stages of the ego falling away is just an individual ego unlearning the lie of separation. while in Australia you should look up Dave Phare… may your journey to TRUTH be awesome as you continue to get closer to knowing the experience of being "ONE".
Frank C said…
Liz... I can totally identify with this aspect of the journey "home"... although my experience is similar in some aspects (no two are ever exactly the same), the upheaval, grieving, chaos and seeming loss (that is a required part of most higher level "quantum leaps") has been very evident in my recent past, triggered by the loss of my wife in January. Like you, I felt "I didn't ask for this", but on closer examination, I can see that it has opened the door to a whole new arena of exploration and awakening that would never have been possible if she was still in a body. I'm not going to go into all the details here, but I just wanted to say that .... well, I don't really know what I wanted to say, except ...

I am the Light of the World...

Frank C
ACIM Mentor said…
Anna, Love exists. And what we experience in the world is not real, but it is an expression of Love as it is the unfolding Undoing (Atonement).

In a special relationship you love the other because of physical and/or personality traits that you find attractive and that seem to give you something that will make you happy or whole. That has not been my experience with Hannah. I did not fall in love with her in the "usual" way. I found her within the Love that is already here within--this is what I mean by "given". And as I am whole, and I am Love, loving her is the only thing to "do" in this relationship.

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely adore Hannah and I am attracted to her in every way. But all of that came AFTER Love. Our relationship, in all its manifestations, is therefore an *expression* of Love. That is a Holy relationship.
ACIM Mentor said…
Frank, you are indeed!
nicci said…
liz,
i have two questions regarding the Holy Relationship as you are experiencing it with hannah.

first, you say that you had experiences that signaled your minds had joined. when this occurred for me, it was a realization that my mind and the mind of the other had always been joined. a falling away of all form, personal history, and separation occurred, and in its place there is now this profoundly Intimate Unbounded Formless Love that was - is - all that we are. in the larger view, does this distinction between a joining of mind occurring and a realization that it has always been joined matter? rereading what i just wrote, i am now thinking it is simply a matter of It showing up in form differently...

second, you share that along with the acknowledgement of your Holy relationship you have personal feelings for Hannah. if one has not only been freed from identification with a personal self, but it has actually fallen away, how does one then have personal feelings for another? i think you have touched on this in past blogs, but the distinction continues to allude me. i am having experiences of identification with the ps loosening and taking a background position, but it has not fallen away. perhaps i need only be patient for this confusion to clear up.

i know i am being gently directed (by the HS) toward integrating my own experience of the Holy Relationship into my relationship with all of God's Creation; this is a significant aspect of my path as it is unfolding now. i am hopeful that your experience with the Holy Relationship will help me with this.

(i see that while writing this, you have added another comment i haven't read ... perhaps further clarification is there.)

endlessly grateful, n

nicci said…
hello again liz. after writing the above questions, i'd run out of computer time and had to move on to other commitments. now i have a moment to return here and read your response to anna. i think you clarified both my questions there. so you were answering as i was asking..... i Love this dance.
endless Love, nicci
Anna - Where in ACIM does it state "you can not have been given anything" I thought it said the opposite - you have been given everything.

And Liz - I don't know why - it's kind of weird but there's a few of us who are very excited to have you in Australia.
George Fordham said…
Thanks for being so open, Liz, with such a personal matter. I'm sure there is a lesson here for all of us. Myself, I find it quite disturbing, but then the Course is quite disturbing ! Are you building another "house of cards", Liz,like I've done so frequently ? Is changing what is external the answer to our problems ? Will "personal feelings" get in the way of our spiritual progress ? Love to all, George.
Anonymous said…
Liz,
I think you're off your rocker. I'm amazed so many of your readers seem to be so interested in your personal life which is of no interest or help to me.
G'day mate!
hannah said…
something i wanted to share, (and i have to say these are my thoughts and experiences, and not necessarily ideas that liz sees in the same way!) is an experience i had re what happens to the personal relationship when we shift into the holy relationship within. i was concerned with an idea that when relationships shifted away from specialness (lack fulfilment) and the One (impersonal/non-directional/all-inclusive/all-infused) Love i have experienced in flashes of the higher miracle (i call it going the full golden!) the personal relationships would fall away too. liz had expressed a similar 'concern' herself. then suddenly, i just KNEW that that was not so.. (though it may be the authentic experience of some) that it made ZERO sense in light if what ACIM says, let alone in light of the Total Love i have experienced a couple of times, or the less intense experiences i have had more of. acim says nothing is taken from us.. just re-purposed. i got it, and though i couldnt express it well, and maybe still cant, lol, it was clear to me it was so. only seeking Wholeness through relationships falls away. identification falls away, not the experiences of being here, of being human. guilt falls away for seeming to be human, seeming to be many, at the expense of One. i am not there yet, i go in and out of specialness all the time, though the growth already feels astonishing.. in not judgeing, (oh the bliss of it, even in this early BLOODY uncomfortable and vacillating stage!) not growth in fulfilling any idea i may have held what a spiritual person looked like, or being a better person etc.

since then the basic lesson keeps presenting itself in 'other' scenarios. "guilt tells us that as we progress 'x' and 'y' kind of things will fall away from us, from our minds, from the way we 'be' as humans. but most of these pictures are the egos ideas.. we will become some kind of rarefied human. but all this you have felt would fall away is just the ego making sure that you miss the point entirely!" god, the number of times i heard ken wapnick say it, but couldnt REALLY accept it.. when you have inner peace, youll just be normal, and more authentic. what falls away is guilt, identification with the person, and thus fearful, guilty seeking. youll naturally follow something else when youre not following the fearful seeker. anyway.. i keep coming up against the same basic lesson in other forms.. only sin/guilt/fear fall away, and so actions that arise from those ideas, leading to a dream of peace.. and as ken also said, any actions that a peaceful person will take would still be interpreted as 'wrong', or as 'right' from minds still coming from a place of sin/guilt/fear, but will nonetheless be coming from a place of wholeness.. following HS does not look ANY one way in the world of form.. what changes is where you come from, the content of love and respect, (no victim-victimiser viewing). so, there will be this inner change in content, but you will not be able to tell from the choices in form when a person's choices now come from a peaceful mind.

hannah said…
of course added to this there is also the highly individualised experience of learning to follow the HS. which it seems clear to me is naturally going to evolve with each of us pesoanlly.. for me, i still often trust in synchronicity when my own inner world is too loud to feel/hear purely Mind within me.. i listen to HS within via 'without!'! i expereinced some pretty damn mind blowing synchro, the first expression of which was over 15 years ago, and culminated in experiences liz and i shared .. i dont want to go into it, but they have kept me here in this experience with liz, despite the personal though system throwing every possible tool in its belt at me. personally, i would have run despite the HR, except.. i would be insane not to follow the HS. i know this sounds odd considering the feelings i have in all this, and personal love as well, but honestly the ego is threatened big time, in same rather surprising ways, and only following the HS and valuing the HR within me and the reflection of this that shows up in the world between this mind and liz' mind, has stopped me form running in abject terror form love on all levels. in fact, liz has astonished me with her (Holy Spirit in all of us') natural patience while i vacillate all over the damn shop!
hannah said…
lol.. Freudian slip? ;) from not form on both counts.. 'has stopped me form running in abject terror form love on all levels.'
hannah said…
ah.. just realised i came round to the title of this blog.. committed to the spiritual process. willingness to listen to and follow HS in the face of 'whatever shows up', either inside or in reflection outside.
Deb Baczewski said…
Yes, content vs form. Early teachings not to lose sight of.

Thank you Hannah for this share. I am in a place of processing as I rest in God. Lovingly Pointed to lesson 109.

Then these words while writing a short story in light of a teaching learning situation. It ended with this . . .

"You can see the miraculous in everything if you look with Holy Sight."
Oneness brought Liz and Hannah together, nothing else. Much love
ACIM Mentor said…
WtP, thank you. I look forward to being there and learning why I'm there!
ACIM Mentor said…
George, I'm sure I'm not building a house of cards. This is not the result of external searching, or even of personal desire. See the article. Those have fallen for me. Thank you for your concern.

No, personal feelings do not get in the way when they follow Love rather than try to conjure It. See Hannah's postings, which are right on.
ACIM Mentor said…
Anonymous, except perhaps at this blogsite, your point of view is with the majority.
ACIM Mentor said…
Hannah, bless you for your willingness! I am so grateful for you. As you still have an ego, you have the harder part in this, making your willingness all the more a miracle to me.
ACIM Mentor said…
Deb and Cairn, thank you!
will said…
Hannah, Your role in this unfolding story, for us students, is as important as what is happening to Liz. We are watching the unfolding in real time. If you can try to document as much as possible What is happening in your mind and how it is happening. All of us are being allowed a front row seat to the workings of spirit.
ES said…
For those who feel non-plussed by events unfolding here and for those who are getting frustrated with acim I suggest once again looking into studying the direct path or non-dualism. In essence is the same as acim but predates it by a couple thousand years. No magic bullet or shortcuts but you won't be slogging through a swamp of doctrine laced with arcane language. No meandering through dead end personal stories and off the wall spin. Google Rupert Spira, an excellent Western teacher. Watch some of his videos on youtube and see what you think.
will said…
ES, We are all in agreement with you about the difficulty of the Course. For about the first five years it was a daily Struggle trying to make sense of it. Friends of mine have looked at the Course and have gotten angry to the point that spirituality is off the table. As I tell them I would never recommend the Course to anyone. It either grabs you or it doesn't. The Course is non-dualism but God it is hard putting the pieces together. If you can fight your way through your current frustration, don't expect it to get easier. It doesn't. Your frustration is a clear sign you are on the right track. I'll check out the videos.
will said…
ES, something that may help. In human terms this takes a long time. Eight to ten years for it to BEGIN to gel. After that you will find relief and an acceleration and enjoyment of learning.
will said…
ES, The timeline I gave is my own. Different for everyone.
will said…
ES, Sorry for all the posts. I did not recognize the name Spira but I have a few of his books and he is the real deal for sure. I found him to be very difficult to learn from. Nothing against him of course.
laurie said…
One thing I heard Ken say over and over again is "If someone tells you they no longer have an ego, run like hell! Only an ego would say that....

I'm just sayin'....
hannah said…
hi will.. i'll just share something that i have only now written out elsewhere.. there will be times i share, but i'll just follow my gut on that, and share when i feel moved to do so, as ive always done.

'im basically not wanting right now to talk about it all.. no thats not accurate., I dont want to try and sort my way through it.. understand it via the thought process. I want to ride the 'thing' ive been riding, it is taking me somewhere and the thoughts/processing come after the experiences. im experiencing the (or at least a) shift within regarding what has been niggling at me for months about a certain mode of thought and problem solving being part of specialness.. the key anchoring part, the big distracting identity-gluing smokescreen. necessary up to a point.. by necessary I mean.. THERE lol, so what is worked with/via. (oh oh.. just saw.. its more about getting cause and effect the right way round, this is another example of the repeating lesson about what does *not* fall away that the ego says will fall away.. the template just is, you cant change it but you can cease to believe it is reality.. the ego is not the problem, the belief in the ego is the problem.. but when cause and effect are the right way round, you can/naturally follow truth not the self.. like.. oh.. one will, not my will, as i heard before having the higher miracle experience.)'

so all i wanna say now is, right now is a very tricky time in this mind. many moments/glimpses of great calm beauty, but much time struggling against real inner change. i need to be quiet with it all, when i talk too much i get into 'directing it' more rather than allowing One Will to unfold/blossom in my heart.. trying to understand and so to 'force/bring about' experience, rather than experiencing and allowing the understanding to flow after experience. another aspect is that im very aware that if i share a lot right now, im likely to anchor in a kind of personal importance that is already raging in me, battlefield of resistance to ceasing to choose specialness. i need to be with that without judgement, but i also feel the need to be with it without oh.. a certain kind of focus. hard to explain.. but a part of me that feels vitally important is blurring and talking about the process NOW at this stage feels counter intuitive. dont get me wrong btw about what i said just above.. i still try and direct/create experience i think i should be having (want) all the time.. but no need to exacerbate that :D
ACIM Mentor said…
Laurie, I agree with Ken in general. But I've been on this path for 34 years and I have shared my evolution, from the start until now, in detail through my writings at this blog for the past 12 years. (Some of these articles are contained in a book called The ACIM Mentor Articles. The rest will be out in books as soon as I get settled and can start putting them together). So you can judge for yourself the authenticity of my statement that the ego fell away.
Anonymous said…
This blog used to be a resource for me but now seems to have evolved into a an "All about Liz"
blog. The enthusiasm of your readers for your crazy plan smacks of cultism.
laurie said…
My understanding is that when the ego entirely falls away there is nothing left but a pure expression of the Holy Spirit. Even Ken couldn't be pinned down as to whether or not he was in an egoless state. He simply wouldn't answer the question (while taking care not to embarrass the one asking). He also said there is no way to tell if someone has or has not transcended their ego because the only one who would care is another ego. So reading all your blogs wouldn't help in that regard since I am clearly still coming from the vantage point of an ego.

I do hope, however, that Hannah is not at too much of a disadvantage in this budding relationship. You know, for the same reason that therapists are not permitted to enter into romantic relationships with their clients. It's all to easy to manipulate someone if they feel they are not on the same level as you.

Regardless, this is going to play out the way it all should play out. The Holy Spirit certainly doesn't need me to try to direct the course of anyone's life. I'm just offering my opinion because, well, it seems I'm offering my opinion....lol
Anonymous said…
I am in total agreement with Laurie. It is at the time when you think you are awakened, that you’ve transcended your ego that you need to keep up with your forgiveness practice full on. Since it is not about anything we do on the level of form, it makes no sense to me whatsoever that you are choosing this. You said you were completely happy and fulfilled in your marriage, and not lacking in any way. So it seems unfathomable to leave your family of 24 years for what good reason? Why not continue as clients, friends, visit, call write. Youve already had experiences over the phone and could continue to do so. If you have to be in each other’s presence then it sounds completely physical to me aka EGO
nicci said…
thank you laurie. your sharing has been helpful for me. and anonymous, i have not felt enthusiastic about what liz has shared with us. i feel cautionary, and have spent some time in contemplation with the HS over my responsibilities to others outside my marriage with whom i have a spiritual involvement. i hold a high value on fidelity in marriage and still do, whether falling personally in love occurs within the context of a Holy relationship or not. many years ago i experienced falling in love outside my marriage and was also once the recipient of another's love who was not my husband. in both cases, though we were at the time very unhappy, we stepped away from active involvement with each other out of respect for my husband and my marriage to him, our belief in the importance of fidelity, and most important, to give us time to take a deep look at the next step in our lives. it was absolutely the correct choice for me to have made. had this space not been allowed i could easily made a decision i would have regretted.

there must be many details of courtney, liz and hannah's situation beyond what liz has shared that have played into what is unfolding for them. i don't need to know them or wish to have an opinion about their circumstances (i do feel courtney's sadness deeply). but i know that the HS has directed me often to liz for support in my path, and this latest sharing is one i need to continue to take to Him for help in uncovering its meaning for me. perhaps, as a result, i will make some changes. i am looking at this with Him, and through Him, extending Love to all. always, Love is the bigger picture.

endlessly grateful, n
Deb Baczewski said…
Perched above the battleground, taking a bird's eye view of all comments, I am able to see with more spaciousness . . . one mind reflecting light and darkness.

Leaving judgments aside and choosing not to take much serious, this has been a fascinating classroom. Thank you all as I remember this blog was built from Love.

Peace to the one mind in it's remembrance of Truth.
nicci said…
oh anom: i just saw your latest posting. it came on while i was writing mine. thank you for reminding me how necessary forgiveness is to my healing. it truly is my one function. n
laurie said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deb Baczewski said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
laurie said…
I just want to clarify that I haven't an opinion for or against the dissolving of any marriage or the forming of a new one with a new partner. The Course itself points out that most relationships are not life long. And upon reflection, if indeed there is an imbalance of power in a relationship then that too can be used to help us grow.

My only real point I suppose is I found the statement Liz made to Hannah in the comments above "As you still have an ego, you have the harder part in this....." a little odd coming from someone who has transcended the ego.

But what the hell do I know? All I know is that I certainly haven't transcended mine or I wouldn't be involved in this little drama...

None of this matters really. Nothing here does.
Anonymous said…
What is the purpose of sharing this?
ACIM Mentor said…
Many of the thoughts shared here will be addressed in coming articles. Some of them have already been addressed in recent articles.

Remember, I often say that much of this path has not unfolded as I thought it would. The ego's expectations were not met! How could it know how things would go? That would be like a bird deciding how a fish's life should unfold. It is all so much softer and more loving and without the sacrifice of the personal it tells you to expect (and which ACIM consistently teaches is not necessary). All I can say is: If you follow the Holy Spirit, keep an open mind!

Laurie, I'm not certain what you think is odd about that comment. Certainly I know what it is to have an ego, having had one! My mind is so quiet now. I am not experiencing the ego attacks she is. Could you explain what you think is odd?
will said…


LISTEN PEOPLE, WE ARE IN A WAR RIGHT NOW

Just a friendly reminder. We all know the ego is always looking for an opening to attack. Well, there is an opening the size of the Grand Canyon right now. Change is hard, Liz "changing" is a real opportunity for the ego to come in the back door. If your angry, first, don't kick the dog, second, Be Aware, your anger may have nothing to do with a damn thing except you are under attack. If you are angry at the Course, regroup etc etc etc
ACIM Mentor said…
Anonymous, I'm not certain your question was directed at me, but in case it was: I share my experience so others can learn from it (if they read it with the Holy Spirit). In this case, I was sharing how as one goes along, expectations are shattered. This was both in joyous and in painful ways. The joyous way was what Hannah and I have learned about personal relationships. Read our posts above. The painful way was having to drop one of my most cherished values, which was my marital commitment. But, as ACIM says, at this stage (period of unsettling) one has to be willing to give up judgment. Ah! This was so not how I expected that to show up, either! However, it also points out that one is heavily reinforced at this stage. And, indeed, I have a very strong feeling of being carried along, of being lived through, and a very deep serenity through it all. The ripples are on the surface of a vast, deep ocean of peace. So I also share all of that as well. Again, willingness must come with an open mind.
nicci said…
i decided to check in one last time, before my evening winds down. thank you deeply liz, for your patience, instruction, openness, and the Love i feel from you. i will continue to practice opening this mind to the HS' Direction. n
Anonymous said…
I've been following this blog for a while but I will no longer subscribe to it because I feel I need another teacher.
Anonymous said…
A couple of hundred years ago, a single man living let's say in Australia, could post an ad in an English newspaper for a bride. Some young (or not-so-young) gal might respond, pack her bags and off she'd go to start a new life with a man - sight unseen. It was extreme but acceptable. Today however most cultures would view someone who abandons their spouse for someone they've been flirting with and yet never met and move to the other side of the world to be with, as a nutjob. The readers here who support this and who claim to understand it (just as they claim to understand acim) would be considered nutjobs too. It just goes to show that anyone can rationalize anything.
I agree with the reader above who said it's time to find a new mentor.
Deb Baczewski said…
Liz, so much gratitude flows through this mind as I am pulled up and away from linear thinking. The Love from you is immense. What you said about expectations are shattered and dropping cherished values brought in further expansion and clarity. I am in a space of loving appreciation for all that is given so freely. I love God and love His son who is what I am in Truth. Mighty blessings.
ACIM Mentor said…
Laurie, just a comment on there not being many lifelong relationships: My relationship with Courtney has not ended. It has just transformed into something else.
will said…
careful
ACIM Mentor said…
Someone mentioned my crossing an ethical boundary with Hannah, who was a client before she was a friend and a partner in a Holy relationship. I can't find the comment, so perhaps it was removed? But I will address this.

I did look at this myself in my months of conflict. And I concluded that, yes, for all intents and purposes, I did cross an ethical boundary. Another place in this where my personal values were challenged.

As to whether or not Hannah is a victim of mine in this, well, that's up to her, isn't it? She does not treat me as her guru, but as her partner. She teaches me quite a lot. And I do not see or approach her as a follower, but as a partner. But as her possible victimiser, perhaps I cannot see us clearly. She has a good support system around her, however, so they'll let her know if I'm brainwashing her.

I will be addressing my responsibility in being a consciousness through which the Awareness of Truth (the new Animator of the self I wrote about last week) extends into the world in an upcoming article.
laurie said…
Liz, my comment about most relationships not being life long was directed to those who suggested you should not leave Courtney. It was intended to remind them that it is the Church that decrees that we shouldn't divorce, not the Course. Strictly speaking, it is impossible to end a relationship anyway given that we never know how the future will unfold. At best, relationships might go on hiatus for a while.

As to finding it odd that you feel comfortable announcing your ego free state, perhaps my discomfort comes from being a student of Ken's from the late 80's. He was an extremely private man, and very humble as well. He cautioned us to be aware how tricky the ego is and to be vigilant against the ways we try to separate ourselves from others, and pointed to "I'm enlightened but you are not" as one of the more subtle but obvious ones. The person who has not yet awoken can feel it though, like a tiny punch to the gut.

Or perhaps Ken had not yet advanced to your level and that is why he never said that he had transcended the ego. Who knows....?

It's all silliness really...

Frank C said…
What an amazing forgiveness opportunity for all of us.... just let it go, and Let God (HS/JC)!
ACIM Mentor said…
Ah, I see, Laurie, you were saying my saying the ego had dropped was odd. Yes, it's not something I was comfortable stating until I was certain. If you've been reading me for a while you will remember I wrote for a long while that self-concepts had fallen but not the ego, because I was not comfortable saying the ego had fallen! (See my June 6 article). It's not something you want to say prematurely. That would be so egoic! And I still live with its echo and I'm undoing the habits of thinking with it, so I truly was not certain for a while. Even sometimes lately I wonder, but...no, can't find the thing in here. It is so blissfully quiet!

I was so entangled with it when I was identified with it that it was not until it had fallen that I could be sure what was me (this consciousness) and what was it. That's where I came to see a lot of my expectations of what would fall away with it were mistaken.
will said…
The picking and pulling apart of this situation is appropriate. Some are wrestling with societies rules, some with how they sound to others, some wrestling with who knows what. Then there is this:
Does this fit with ACIM?
To me it has gone from complete comfort with what is happening to a gut feeling that something is amiss. No judgement at all of good or bad...so far, knock on wood. I am so curious about these things.
will said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
will said…
I had a doozy of a mid life crises that ended up with me leaving my wife and going off with another woman. The pull to be with this woman so intense. As here, it was played out in public and as here, I left town never to return.
will said…
I would add, in my case, it was the best thing that ever happened to my ex. Those are my ex wife's words. She soon remarried to a man who gave her an infinitely better life than I ever did.
ACIM Mentor said…
Will, I, too, may be having a midlife crisis. I may also have cracked, as my family thinks. The vast majority feel something is amiss here. So what do I know? I am curious. I am keeping an open mind. We'll see how it unfolds.
will said…
The mid life crises in my experience is a tidal wave. Cracked? No, the spiritual stuff sounds very right.
Anonymous said…
Midlife crisis turned right side up, midlife opportunity
laurie said…
I don't know why, other than fear of change in their own lives, that people think we are necessarily having a crisis when we make a decision to change our lives. When I was 25 I sold everything I owned and moved to California to be with a man I had spent one night and one weekend with. I left Montreal an atheist and came back 3 months later on a spiritual path that eventually led me to here. So clearly it was a pivotal decision in my life but it turned out it wasn't about the relationship at all. The relationship was the bait (or catalyst) that got me there that allowed the change to take place.

Plus, I think we forget that the path we are on is a path we have already trod upon before. Just reviewing what has already gone by etc.....
laurie said…
"That's where I came to see a lot of my expectations of what would fall away with it were mistaken". (from previous comment- Liz)

Can you give us some examples of these previous expectations? (Or maybe that will be addressed in this weeks blog).

Hannah also mentioned something about a template not changing. I'd like to hear more on that as well.
ACIM Mentor said…
Laurie, we already wrote in here about one of the main things: That personal relationships would fall away. Especially romantic/sexual relationships. Nope. You just come from a different place with them. I had confused specialness with personal. They're not the same thing.

Also, that personal responses, especially negative ones, would fall away. Nope. They just go by in a flash. They're shallow and, really, meaningless. It's as though the human is set free to be human, without the ego giving it more meaning (judgment) than it has. And you experience it without identifying with it.
Annette said…
Like many of you I was extremely shocked when I realized what Fridays newsletter was saying, and I too have found myself judging Liz. But how do any of us know what we will do the further we progress on our path? Maybe in some ways we are terrified that we could do exactly the same thing. I’m sure Liz has no idea where this will end up, it may be a short lived stepping stone or something larger, who knows. Anyway because I’ve been bothered by this I’ve been asking The Holy Spirit for help in forgiving the minds belief in the reality of the body, world and special self. I just watched One of Ken Wapnicks many YouTube videos entitled This World was over Long Ago, so wonderful and really helped set my mind straight again. Check it out it’s only 10 minutes.
Christine said…
So helpful. We are all projecting a wee bit here! Looking like in a mirror at ourselves (our self), interesting. I seem to have come into this self's life with an open less judgemental mind...I think I have seen shifts in form/ action/ things, like a change in the music at a dance...its still the same dance hall, but the music is now a Rumba rather than a Foxtrot. I divorced my first husband due to his alcoholism and not working...years later, I met and married my just right husband. He is not religious or spiritual, but supports my studying the Course and reading Goldsmith etc.sometimes pearls if wisdom other worldly come from his mouth...my midlife crisis had me buy a horse! Am on the second one now...all cool learning experiences. In fact, our minds just joined yesterday! No joke. I felt it happen, there was no separation, boundary for that second.Then he planted his feet like a mule and wouldn't budge, horse again! But, we have to remain Open to Truth...formless, yes, but for now shows up in different forms.
hannah said…
laurie.. i had an experience one day at a cafe, and the pieces came together regarding things id read in acim and previous experiences i had. im not sure if its the 'highest vision; you can have regarding this, or a stepping stone perception, but it brought SUCH love with it, total forgiveness.

i saw and expereinced, in that moment, that to know myself (and therefor everyone) as i am, i truly needed to stop trying to change the world but change my mind about it. i saw how there is a template to 'being here' that just IS. (ken used to say that the world is what it is, people will always be people-y, and so the world aint goin' nowhere nice!)

when i identify with the template, there is sin guilt and fear attached to the template, both to my personal experience of humanness and the outer appearance of life. everything matters emotionally very much, and so there can be no trust because everything appears so concrete and real that being a person, and being in the world, cant help but both feel like prisons with no constant experience of Love. and without that experience of Love, we are fully locked into all the experiences of the template, and stuck in the sin-guilt-fear-projection cycle. 'others' will always feel 'other-y, and there is no way to experience sustained identity as Mind.

but when i move past *identifying* with the template, (the dream of many varied beings with differing wills) and start to identify as Mind, which has only One Will, then i DO start to experience the template differently. its still the same template, but experienced differently. without identification fully immersed in a separated individual (identification is where our sense of reality sits, and our personal identity INCLUDES others being real and separate from us as well) then sin guilt and fear CAN start to fall away. because those things arise from a sense of having damaged/split apart/rejected Reality. then, in acim speak, we can actually 'forgive' what we know is only a 'dream', can forgive all that we have ever experienced, knowing fully that it has no effect whatsoever on Truth, and this includes, experientially, the dream having no effect upon the knowledge of truth in the seemingly individual mind.

so, our experience of being DOES change, but NOT because weve done something to change the template. it changes when we accept the template, and stop trying to do something with it.. which is always an expression of guilt. without guilt and fear, anything that may rise in a mind that rests usually in peace, is simply dropped automatically, it has nothing to build on to allow it to stay and fester or grow.

hannah said…
personally, im not 100% SURE the experience stops there. but as ive heard both ken and liz say, if you are experiencing True forgiveness, and so resting in Peace, the question of whether the path continues to evolve will not be one of 'mattering-ness' to you. experiencing peace means youve already gone beyond seeking for wholeness where it isnt and foundIt where It Is. what i personally imagine (and this is just from reading others experiences) is that at that point youd be *totally* just going along for the ride, it wouldnt matter in the SLIGHTEST if there was more evolution toward Truth or not. i think acim also says something like.. there are those who experience full awakening, but it is so rare as to not be worth bothering about'?? i may be mistakenly recalling that.. but its added to my belief that there is a space attainable where we do move beyond ALL momentary experiences of resistance.. even mild frustration, the.. CONSTANTLY FULL present memory. but really.. yeah, irrelevant to attaining peace.. you dont need that for peace, you need True Forgiveness!

oh.. i found the quote was thinking of.. i was off a bit on it.. but will leave these ponderings here anyway

"M-26.3. Sometimes a teacher of God may have a brief experience of direct union with God. 2 In this world, it is almost impossible that this endure. 3 It can, perhaps, be won after much devotion and dedication, and then be maintained for much of the time on earth. 4 But this is so rare that it cannot be considered a realistic goal. 5 If it happens, so be it. 6 If it does not happen, so be it as well. 7 All worldly states must be illusory. 8 If God were reached directly in sustained awareness, the body would not be long maintained. 9 Those who have laid the body down merely to extend their helpfulness to those remaining behind are few indeed. 10 And they need helpers who are still in bondage and still asleep, so that by their awakening can God's Voice be heard."

oh, thought id add this quote from a book im reading atm, (when fear falls away by jan frazier)

"i used to think that enlightenment was *rising above* humanity. now i see its coming fully into it. human nature is allowed to come to full flower. liberation transmutes the familiar human condition by making it possible to stop the suffering inflicted by the mind. it ends attachment, and brings about a condition of well-being that is entirely independent of anything external to the inner life."
Anonymous said…
Reading these comments is like drinking bad wine - you can't stop because you can't believe how bad it is! What incoherent mumbojumbo! Hey Liz, Go already!
Anonymous said…
This week's blog has attracted more comments than any other so how about this: When you get to Australia you can reinvent yourself as a reality show star and we can follow every detail of your "new life" like we do the Kardashians and Trump. You clearly love the attention.
Nina said…
Well, what I have learned is that so called "spiritual teachers" listen to the ego now and then and this is certainly the case. Anyone who says the ego has dissolved still has an ego.
Deb Baczewski said…
I am going to continue to skip down the path in summer lined with wild flowers in childlike curiosity which trusts and follows the fluttering wings of the butterfly that flys ahead of me. With this trust I'll even follow as It seems to detour into the field of wild flowers and still, with the energy of curiosity, I follow with a questioning mind, What is It that creates the wings of flutter, that allows it to glide through the air, and softly land on a beautiful flower and share it's Love. A child will even interpret this joining of a butterfly and flower as Love because it only knows how to see that way.

I want to see that way always, so I'll continue to follow and trust the butterflies on the path chosen for me.
Anonymous said…
I do have to agree about the mumbojumbo. I practice the simple foundations of the Course and you would think peace and Truth would be expressed simply. Some of these lengthy, wordy posts are mind numbing and make no sense. They don’t feel peaceful to read and don’t add to my peace of mind. When I read something Ken has written, or watch his videos, I get very choked up and immediately feel enveloped in Peace. It’s sounds like every word he speaks comes from Jesus. I don’t pretend to know much about the Course intellectually. I don’t pick apart what the Text says, and I dont want to at this stage.
Anonymous said…
In a book I'm reading on spiritual matters the author (Robert Wolfe) talks about how all the great spiritual teachers had to make great sacrifices to move forward. He states,"Exposure to profound illumination is exposure to risk of radical transformation of one's material existence or security. The willingness to risk is not separate from the openness to awakening. One who is not willing to take this risk - of possessions, career, family, security, stature, future, and past - has encountered the first barrier, the eye of the needle." Having read that I thought, Gee, maybe that's what's happening with Liz. On further reflection, I doubt it. Moving to a friendly foreign country with a similar culture, to a ready-made relationship, and resuming an established wireless business requiring no employees or inventory doesn't sound like a risky, radical change or sacrifice to me. If things don't work out there is always that US passport and a ticket back home.

So there is my attempt to see meaning in Liz's "great change". Just a run-of-the-mill life change that takes place all the time. Certainly not on par with Prince Edward VIII abdicating the English throne to marry Wallis Simpson or even Woody Allen dumping Mia Farrow to marry her stepdaughter. But you can bet your bottom dollar that next week Liz will give us a bellyful about her process and lost ego (what was lost is her credibility).

The only question for me is whether I will continue to give my attention to someone else's drama. Is my life that empty I need that kind of diversion?

Words, words, everywhere,
but not a drop of peace.
We'll spin our minds 'til they're worn out,
This nonsense has got to cease.
will said…
Anonymous, I just use this as an example because it is familiar to me.
When people go to AA meetings they invariable say what you are saying or some variation like it. Whether its addiction or wanting a spiritual life people are trying to move towards something. But we have the baggage. Lots and lots of baggage. Eventually it will be replaced by something else. Your reading some of the baggage but not the Course?
will said…
Anonymous,
In your second email you lay out the acceptable boundaries for sacrifice or change. I'll tell you a secret that a lot of us are missing. We are continuing to focus on the body. The body is moving to a different location etc. The body is not following societies rules for a 'good person.'
Do you remember this:

Two roads diverted in a yellow wood,
And Sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Anonymous you may have chosen to follow a body down the wrong path. Back up to where the roads divert and follow her spirit down the other.
Anonymous said…
Hey will,
You say that something other than the course is baggage? How arrogant can you get? Maybe YOU should start reading something else. I think you are too in love with your own spin to allow real wisdom sink in. Try it
will said…
I don't understand
Hahahahah Anonymous - "this blog smacks of cultism" - I'm on the floor laughing. I have been under the influence of cult thinking and was so terrorized and cultified, I"m still after 20 years attempting to undo and release the "damage" I did to myself through it. To me Liz's blog has always been a FAR FAR cry from that set up and I certainly don't see people elevating Liz to some demi-god saviourship role and through her teaching, sharing of her experience and learnings and suggestions she certainly doesn't seem to me to promote that about herself.
Will you don't understand what anonymous said because he/she has misread the comment you made. You said, "You're reading some of the baggage but not the Course?"

Anonymous has read what you said as if you said, reading something other than the Course is baggage which is not what you said.

(Quote Anonymous: "You say that something other than the course is baggage?)
will said…
I would never have been able to untangle that. It is probably time for me to leave anonymous in peace.
W said…
Liz when I read your last newsletter I suspected a strong response. I am rather new to your newsletter so may I may be missing some background, but not the content. It is very difficult to accept the strongest pillar of the course's foundation "There is no world".
It's apparent that the world is still very real to many.
I recall Ken Wapnick at the top of his lungs pleading with people to understand "There is no World" in much the same way Jesus would implore people to understand "You Are the Kingdom"" as if to say "don't you see this" I am sure some have laid the ACIM course down after reading just those few words, but not many. It is so easy to intellectualize the Course and go off course as Helen often did being an intellectual. It is not for everyone yet very simple but had to be very repetitive for a reason.
I saw the word cult come up among your readers. I don't recall who said it but this is how he defined cults.... Cults are very easy to get into but extremely difficult to get out of whereas the course is the opposite.
will said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
ACIM Mentor said…
W, I agree ACIM is not for everyone. It even says so!

ACIM is a self-study course. It's meant to be between you and the Holy Spirit within. So, yes, easy to put aside if one finds it doesn't fit. Outside teachers are meant to be listened to and read with the HS. But, alas, a few cult-like groups have arisen around it. A cult requires a strong personality that others give their power to. Which means they have totally missed the message of ACIM!
hannah said…
Laurie - i just posted this elsewhere and realised that it really belonged here with the question!

ah... Laurie, if youre reading,. lol.. i just found a clearer way to say this re the template.. truth and not-truth are oil and water, they cant mix. truth doesnt change the template of not truth any more than not-truth can change the nature of truth. but because Truth is Love, and is inherent in our being, we *can* experience the template (which includes pain, grief etc) without SUFFERING.
hannah said…
re cultisim.. just heard this is a talk given by ken w, hes speaking about shifting from body identification to mind identification, which led him to discussing the difference in the course between the jesus of the bible, and the jesus of ACIM.

he said

"thats the reason i always emphasise, dont confuse difference between the jesus of the course and the jesus of the bible. they are totally different characters. the jesus of the bible is obsessed with bodies. because his father is obsessed with bodies. and why is this? because the people who wrote the stories were obsessed with bodies. the stories have nothing to do with jesus, with god, with salvation or atonement, they have to do with the glorification of the body, the glorification of individuality. talk about cults, thats the original cult, certainly in the western world, the cult of individuality is the bible. and what make us an individual? our bodies. all of the biblical stories, all of the miracles, are about bodies. what was it that resurrects? jesus' body. what was it that was crucified? jesus' body? what sat at gods right hand? jesus' body. dont confuse the two. the jesus of this course is a symbol of right minded Love.
Yourself said…
As I look out at 'another' I hear Holy Spirit say, "This is Yourself.'
A physical relationship is not necessary as it is nothing.
You are the One Self. There isn't anything else but You as No-thing.
That's it. That is all. Be.

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