The Little Will Returneth
When I say the ego (personal thought system) fell away from this mind, what I mean is the structure of that thought system is gone. The structure of it was made up of values and beliefs and the thoughts and concepts that uphold them. And I simply no longer believe in them. The habits of thinking and reacting with the ego—what I call the “echo” of the ego—is ever diminishing.
One of those habits is the exertion of what I call the “little will”. A few weeks ago I mentioned how I used to try to look upon this will as an alien thing I had to release. But I found that unhelpful, because the little will is part of my True Will, so it cannot be released. Trying to do so felt to me like I was trying to undo myself, which, besides being undesirable, is impossible!
I’ve been through many episodes in the past nineteen months. One of those episodes I call The Hugeness. There was a sense of a Huge Presence over me during this time. That Presence was Me—It was my Will, Which is the Will That is. It wasn’t really “over” me, but I was, in the little will, sensing the rest of my Will as though it was around me instead of What I am.
True Will and the little will are expressed in many ways in spiritual teachings: Father and son, Self and self, Higher Power and ego. Sometimes it is taught that the little will needs to “submit” to True Will, but this implies they are separate entities and keeps one feeling little and as if their True Will is other. Nor does the little will eventually get “absorbed” by True Will, Which, again, makes it seem like something is lost rather than that your sense of existence expands when you accept your True Will. The little will is never lost. It simply returns to its whole state.