Journey to the Center of Ego

If the personal mind was a sphere like Earth, and you bore down to its core, you’d find guilt and fear. Guilt and fear are the foundation of the personal mind, not in the sense that they give rise to the personal mind, but in the sense that without guilt and fear the personal mind would cease to exist. Guilt and fear are the personal mind’s self-perpetuating mechanism because they are what keep you from God.

Many years ago I walked out my front door on my way to get something out of my car and suddenly the world was washed with Innocence. It was the same world it had been a moment before: the same street, the same cars parked in the street, the same winter-bald trees. The physical world did not change, but my mind did. Or, rather, I changed minds. For whatever reason, at that moment I was open to the Vision of my Christ Mind. The moment passed and I realized that, except for that moment and moments like it, I am perceiving guilt and fear. I didn’t think I felt guilty, but now I understood that guilt and fear are the state of being of a personal identity. A personal identity is the belief that I have separated from God (guilt), and that I will be punished for it (fear).

I have entered a stage now where I am facing the guilt and fear of the personal mind head on. I have worked away many, many layers of denial and defense and there is nothing left to do but deal with the core of the personal mind. The personal mind still tries to deny what is at its center because it doesn’t want me looking at it. It tells me that I can’t have guilt because I wasn’t raised in a guilt-layering religion, nor have I ever done anything very wrong. But of course, this isn’t about guilt from a personal life. That guilt is just a symptom of The Guilt that is the foundation of the personal mind. Certainly, I understand intellectually that I am not guilty for anything, and I feel the Presence of the Holy Spirit with me, so obviously I’m not separate from God. But the belief persists; it is very deep-seated. I see and feel the evidence of it in my perceptions that conflict, disease, and discord are real; in random fears; in pain in the body; in the hateful thoughts that pass through my mind, about others or myself. The belief originates in the split mind and is fostered by the personal mind, but I, the decision maker who is really One with God but identifies with a personal self, have taken it on as my own. I really, really do believe that I’m guilty. Oh, how uncomfortable! But it’s a relief, too, because I always saw the evidence that that belief was there within me, and I knew that I would have to confront it some day. This was not something I could force, because, as A Course in Miracles says, it takes some preparation to look at stark insanity. I couldn’t do it without knowing that the Holy Spirit is in me, too. This awareness acts as a sort of counter-weight so that I don’t topple into the abyss of the personal mind as I descend into its pit of guilt and fear. I must look at what I have made to undo it, but once I acknowledge it is there, the only appropriate response is to let it go and return to Truth. This is what I am doing over and over again. I have no idea what this process is going to be like, or how long it may take, but I’m glad to be finally undoing the personal mind at its core. Next week’s article will be more on The Guilt.

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Read The Message of A Course in Miracles: A translation of the Text in plain language at www.themessageofacim.com.


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