Sometimes I hope
there is some reason for the journey through fear I have taken these past two
years since I rose in consciousness. I have seen fear up close and intimately;
raw, unmasked, and unmodified. But then I see that it is just as insignificant
as the experience of existence (ego) that is gone for me and when it is over I
will not give it any thought.
This is just the
way this split mind comes to an end.
Everything A Course in Miracles says about the ego I
have visited, experientially, not as just
a concept. I have been through the fear of death and I’ve been through death. (Not
of the body, obviously, which is irrelevant.) A much worse experience was fear
of nonexistence. Because, as the Course
points out, at least death “proves” there had
been a life. Nothing terrifies the ego more than the idea that it doesn’t
exist. Because it doesn’t. And I’ve seen that, too.
When I reached
the furthest edge of fear of nonexistence I had only one place to go if I didn’t
pull back: Insan…
You Don’t Have to Go It Alone
When I was a new student of A Course in Miracles going through the long and uncomfortable
(sometimes downright painful) “period of sorting out” it would have been so
nice to speak every now and then with someone who had been through what I was
going through and who had actually attained the inner peace I wanted. But there
was no one around then who offered a professional relationship like that. So I
muddled through in more discomfort and pain than was necessary. And,
eventually, when I was ready I became a mentor for others so that they could
have an easier time than I did as they made their way to inner peace.
Obviously I do have clients so some people have taken me up
on this offer. But it is frustrating for
me to hear of others who are still trying to go it alone. Clients tell me of
friends who have questions or blocks to peace that they need help working out.
They tell them, “Call Liz!” But they rarely do. Sometimes I can tell from
comments people wr…
When I was first
a student of A Course in Miracles I
noticed a pattern: Whenever I had a positive spiritual experience, anything
from a significant insight all the way up to a higher miracle, I would then
have a “backlash” from the ego. This showed up as fears, attacks on me, attacks
on others, obsessing angrily on a social or political issue, etc. The initial
backlash seemed to be in direct proportion to the strength of the spiritual experience.
But, for a long while, even one simple insight could lead to weeks of backlash.
noticed the pattern and came to accept that the backlash would happen. Simply recognizing
the pattern helped mitigate it. In time I learned to not resist at all, because
that seemed to lengthen and strengthen it. This shortened the duration and
intensity of the backlash considerably.
When I started
teaching and coaching Course students
I discovered I was not alone. In fact, this pendulum swing is a universal
experience—and one of the more uncomfortab…