Ask: I feel like I'm never going to "get it"...

I read the lessons for the day. It's breathtaking, yet I feel so far from experiencing what the Course talks about. I feel pain in the body, emotional distress, and obsess about people places and things. When I notice this going on ~ how much of my mental, emotional and physical space it all takes up I feel like I'm just never going to "get it" or be able to keep my mind focused on "God" or not be affected or afflicted by all the things people suffer. I can't really say I've ever experienced a moment's respite from these afflictive thoughts of what happened in the past, what will happen in the future, what I did wrong, what they said, what they meant bla bla bla! …I'm wondering what your days are like? Is your mind clear? What does it all feel like? Or are you just telling yourself certain things? I feel like I have no new thoughts, just recycling the same ole same ole. - MCD

Don’t aim for a perfectly quiet mind. Instead, simply open yourself to the Eternal Quiet (God; Truth) beyond all of the thoughts in your mind. Grow your awareness of This through meditation. Bring your mind into the present and turn inward. Become aware of your thoughts and then go past them. You will find yourself dipping into the Quiet and then back into the thoughts; into the Quiet and back into the thoughts. Just let the thoughts go and listen past them for the Quiet. The Quiet will grow stronger in your awareness. Devote a few minutes of each day to opening to the Quiet.
During the day don’t try to force your mind to stay in the Quiet. Just take moments when you can throughout the day to bring your mind into the present, turn inward, and remember God. You can do this with your eyes opened or closed; when you are alone or with others.
Once you become aware of God within you, you will be ready to deal with the personal thought system. You need to question and correct these thoughts to undo the hold that they seem to have over you. They represent false beliefs that are obstacles to peace. Do not argue with the personal thought system. It is what it is: the idea of the opposite of Truth (God). It is not going to change. But with the Teacher of Truth (Holy Spirit) in your mind you can correct its thoughts for yourself.
Yes, this takes effort. At first, it seems like a lot of effort because you are not used to attending to your mind. You are used to letting it just run on and run you. You are going to have to slow down your mind, which often means slow down your outer life. But you are worth the effort this will take and if you believe this you will find the willingness to work through your obstacles to peace.
As long as you identify with a personal self you are going to be affected and afflicted by the limitations, lack, and loss of the personal experience. But you can use these experiences to transcend the personal experience by looking at them as reminders to turn within to Truth.
My mind used to be like yours. But now it is much, much quieter and it is very clear. My days are simple and quiet. Peace is always in my awareness now. The personal thought system is also still in my awareness but it shrinks as my awareness of peace continues to grow.

(Next week I will be on vacation and there will be no blog.)

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Will said…

From your comments it sounds like you are doing the Course exactly right. Your state of mind, your worries and fears sound exactly right for where you are in the Course. Just keep going a day at a time. It's when people start talking about how beautiful everything is, how wonderful life is, the joy they feel, the gratitude, that you know they have gotten off track.
Sue said…
Will-I tend to agree with you to a certain degree. However, when the Truth comes into my Awareness - that "in This Moment" I am one with the All - I can't help but experience joy, gratitude, and see beauty where before was just "same old". While on a trip to San Francisco, I had a few minutes of absolute "connection" with every living thing. The trees, bushes, etc. outside the bus window appeared as old "friends" - it was such a joyous experience that it couldn't be put into words adequately. And I think that's the point - those types of experiences truly can't be communicated to one who is not on the spiritual path (you would be tagged as insane).
But, just as quickly as that gift was given, I was back to consensual reality (which makes the distinction between the two so much more uncomfortable!)
The course really does bring out the fact that we are living a false reality that we need to be awakened from - but it ain't easy!
Anxiety, fear and all the rest are present just as before, but the periods of peace do come a little easier and stay a little longer when I am able to "let go".

MCD- If you have any relationship with Jesus, I encourage you to go to him. I was DOWN and I reminded him of all his promises to those who are looking for the kingdom.
I became very insistent - sort of like the parable of the woman who kept going to the judge. Well, very shortly, I became aware of little bits of truths and small soft reminders of where I was going astray. The more I tuned into this "voice" the more I became aware that it was there for me. A sort of "knowing" of what to do, and sometimes, an actual soft voice of guidance.
So, as it says in the text, "you do not ask for too much, you ask for far too little".
For me, I think I had too little trust in the fact that I did have the Holy Spirit within me, but I did have a relationship with Jesus - so that's where I went.
The text also says that any spiritual "teacher" can help you and guide you with your permission.
Stick with it - you're worth it!

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