The "Evidence" For Truth

My wife and her friends play role-playing games, online and in person. They create elaborate fantasy worlds and if you overhear them you hear how real their characters (avatars) and fantasy worlds are to them. Years ago I had huge judgments against this. There was one friend of hers in particular that I judged as immature and unable to deal with life. He “hid out” in these fantasy worlds. I couldn’t just release these judgments so I realized I must be projecting. I was willing to look at my own thoughts and beliefs with the Holy Spirit (Awareness of Truth in my mind) and what came up out of the depths of my subconscious mind was, “How is this any different from what you do with A Course in Miracles?”


Here was the ego’s (personal thought system’s) total unawareness of Truth. Of course Truth is not real to it because it is the opposite of Truth and cannot understand Truth. But my projections of judgment meant I held its lack of awareness of Truth as my own doubts about Truth. In dark periods of severe doubt I’d listen to the ego explain away my spiritual experiences and fear it was right. For example, it would say that my Revelations and higher miracles were just the result of random chemical or electrical changes in the brain. It would mock me for thinking that certain “convenient” thoughts were the “Holy Spirit”. It would tell me that I was just an anxious person who could not cope with life so I had to “hide out” in a fantasy of another reality that I called “Truth”, etc. It could be quite vicious and frankly convincing.

“Faith” is not a word I’ve ever liked because for me it has the connotation of “blind faith”, which means believing in something without evidence. And “belief” is just an intellectual acceptance of ideas anyway. Faith and belief were never enough for me. But trust is different. Trust comes naturally through experience. Trust is not something that one can fake. You either trust or you don’t so pretending to trust (blind faith) is extraordinarily stressful. And I felt I deserved more than just “faith” or “belief”. I didn’t want mere ideas or the stress of pretending. What I wanted was evidence so I could trust. If Truth is true, I reasoned, there has to be evidence of It somewhere in my experience so I could learn to trust It.

Agonizing episodes of doubt eventually resolved when in time a quiet knowing returned. But when I found I feared that the ego was right about Truth being a fantasy I realized I needed more. I needed irrefutable evidence. But where? I went through my experiences of Truth and found that the ego was right that everything could be explained away...Except for one thing: The transformations that had occurred in me since I began the path to Truth and inner peace. Putting aside the experiences of Revelation, higher miracles, and everyday miracles, which the ego could explain away, there were huge shifts within me that could not be explained. I had peace, confidence, detachment, and a deep sense of security in always having the Answer with me. But there was no one working on me. So there was Something working in me. And it wasn’t what I had always thought of as “me” because certainly I had never worked hard at the process. I had done a lousy job with the Workbook. I was a terrible meditator. I never reached a quiet mind or a transcendental state. I was inconsistent and rather lax with any practice. I spent most of my time, in meditation and throughout the day, in ego. Where I did work hard on myself is not where transformation ever came because I was always focused on the wrong things: the ego and the self. When peace came to me it came apart from them, which was so unexpected to me. So much of the path unfolded in ways I never expected or imagined or even knew was possible. I had no idea what in my mind needed to be done and where in my mind it needed to be done to be at peace. So I could not possibly have caused the transformations I’d experienced with what I had always thought of as “myself”. My only contribution to these transformations was willingness for them to occur. And this willingness was not my submitting my will to someone with a stronger will to transform me. Not only was there no such person but how would they do this anyway since the transformations were within me? It had to be that there was Something within my mind beyond the body and the ego that is untouched by them but transforms my experience of them and myself when I am willing. This was the “evidence” of Truth that I could trust.

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Unknown said…
That is just so beautiful. Like my own experience. Humbled by the grace of God.
nicci said…
beautiful is the word that came to me also.
i needed this example of the power of the "little willingness" we are asked to offer.

your weekly writings are often a direct response to your 3rd habit for inner peace:
asking for guidance from the HS.
thank you Liz, for extending His Answer once again.

endless L, n
will said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Harper said…
Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Susan B said…
Your account of your process is so valuable to me! It helps me let go of spiritual expectations which only serve to produce guilt. Thank you Liz.
C. said…
I was so happy to hear that you did a lousy job with the workbook. :)
Kathy said…
Oh wow! That's so spot on. I experience episodes where I wonder also if I'm just plain nuts trying to make my fantasy world reality. I find myself reaching for faith to ad fuel to my intended beliefs, which have been forged in part at least by experienced revelation, higher Miracles, etc. still, that doubt has lingered. But you hit the nail on the head! I have changed, and day by day I notice that no matter what is going on peace is staying. And I trust I am always in "good hands". This week I finished the workbook. And when I read the Epilogue I burst into tears, of gratitude that I know I am never alone, that my guide/teacher/guru is with me always and I will always have the answers a I neees when I need them, etc. I didn't expect to feel that elation and overwhelming joy and gratitude for having come this far. It seemed so hard and impossible at times. And even after that, all this, the elation, that lingering thought that I'm a fraud has nudged me. So thank you Liz, Holy Spirit, thank you for your message, which for me is heaven sent.
Kathy said…
Me too Cassandra, it took me over a year!
nicci said…
such helpful comments . . . thank you.
ES said…
Once again we see Liz's unique mentoring style at work, ie. her candid sharing of details from her personal life and study of acim. I'm sure her past struggles with the Course resonate with many if not most students: struggles with the workbook; maintaining a consistent practice; inability to meditate; and doubt, doubt, doubt and more doubt. I can also relate to the need for evidence and the dismissal of blind faith as a useful tool.
This article's main take-away for me is that after all is said and done it is this intangible thing called willingness above all else that has the most powerful effect on our awareness and attainment of peace. Speaking for myself, I have very little to go on so far, my "evidence" is scant. It seems that my main driving force is that the alternative to peace is not very appealing.
So Liz, how about some more articles on the subject of willingness. What it looks and feels like and how to foster it. Thanks.
ES said…
Actually there are a number of articles on this topic which I easily found in the mentor archives. So there it is for all to read.
Unknown said…
All so true,Liz,thanks for great encouragement.Your writings make one think. Can we really find "evidence " for Truth in this insane and mixed-up world of illusion ? This brings to mind a passage in Margaret Laird's book :"Christian Science Re-Exployed" :"Truth is not something to figure out, but is intuitively self-revealing,self-expressing ". Margaret's book tackles the themes in ACIM from a slightly different angle. Happy Dreams to all, George.
Unknown said…
So glad I found your blog! Many of your articles have helped me to organize my own thoughts about the course and utilizing it in my life. Trust in the course has also come to me through seeing all the little transformations that have been taking place in my life since I started studying it. I used to smile all the time as a child and for whatever reason I lost that as an adult. Now, since reading and understanding the course, the doors to my heart have opened to love and acceptance and I'm back to smiling all the time. It's like guilt and shame and fear and doubt are all just melting away from me.

I've also never been one to take anything on blind faith as well, but when you have nothing to lose and everything to gain is it blind faith or reason and sanity?
ACIM Mentor said…
Blind faith might make you take the initial leap, Jeff, but if in the end there is no experience on which to build trust, trust simply won't grow!
Anonymous said…
For those that are interested, there are about 4 articles in the mentor archives directly related to willingness. They include some illuminating comments/questions to which Liz responds. No easy path - this pathless path.
ES said…
I read the 4 aforementioned articles and comments and went from despair to a few notches closer to believing that willingness was possible for me as a step toward peace. The gist of this process seems to be the discovery of our obstacles to willingness; what do we value more that gets in the way? Who knows? Yet here I stand ready to find out. I wonder if someone else reading this has been been at this point and remembers an epiphany that got them through.
Paula said…
Thank you for this. I heard the ego doubting The Whole Truth in my mind the other day and I had nothing to back up the Truth but i can now put doubts to rest. Only the truth is true.

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