Why Don't I Just Kill Myself and Go To Heaven?
The usual way of thinking about getting into Heaven is to
wait until the self dies. And often Heaven is something to be won through
righteous living in the world. In this view there is a direct correlation
between the self’s life in the world and Truth (Heaven). Even if one does not
have to earn Heaven it is implied that It can only be experienced when the body
falls away. The body is one’s obstacle to being aware of Truth and experiencing
Heaven.
A Course in Miracles,
however, teaches that Heaven is here within you now and all you have to do is
choose to be aware of It. There is no intersection of the self’s life in the
world and Truth. You can experience both, but never at the same time, because
they are diametrically opposed. Each cancels out the other. So the body is not
an obstacle to Truth. But your belief in
the body as your reality is. Heaven, then, is what is left when you let go of
the belief in the body as your reality. This is an action of the mind and it
has nothing to do with the body.
Despite this I still get this question from students of A Course in Miracles: “Since I don’t
have to earn Heaven through this life in the world why don’t I just kill myself
right now to go to Heaven?” The person asking this always reassures me that
this is an intellectual inquiry and that they are not feeling suicidal. I
explain how killing the body does not lead to Heaven because doing so also
kills of that which seeks Heaven. That which is in pain in its identification
with a self (body/personality) is also that which seeks relief (Heaven) from
that identification. If you have never tasted ice cream but want to do so do you
taste ice cream or kill yourself? Which would bring you the satisfaction you
seek? Killing yourself would eliminate your desire for ice cream but it would not
satisfy your desire to taste ice cream. It would also eliminate the “you” that
you think wants to try ice cream.
Imagine a line stretching infinitely into the distance. It
has no beginning and no ending. This line represents Truth, or Heaven, in your
mind. Imagine that along part of the Infinite line a faint, wispy, finite line
runs parallel to it. This finite line is the illusion of time. The finite
line’s beginning represents the beginning of time and its ending represents the
end of time. At no point do these lines intersect.
The space between the Infinite and the finite is the
split-mind (Son of God in A Course in
Miracles). The Infinite is the Reality within it; the finite is what it
imagines. It, too, begins and ends with the wispy finite.
What you think of as your individual split-mind is a tiny
part of the space between the Infinite and the imagined finite. It lasts for
only a tiny part of the wispy finite.
Again, at no point do the Infinite and the finite intersect. The end, or
“death”, of a part of the finite or of the finite as a whole, does not make a
bridge between the finite and the Infinite. The end, or death, of any part of
the finite is part of the finite. It does not affect the Infinite at all.
Death is not a bridge between Truth and illusion. It is part
of the illusion. When an illusion ends no part of it “goes on” or “crosses”
over to Truth. No part of illusion becomes Truth. Truth continues on, as it did
for the duration of the illusion, completely untouched by the passing of the
illusion.
The split-mind only has to be willing to put aside its
belief in the story of time (finite) to be aware of Heaven. Death ends belief
but it does not correct it. Death defeats the object of a changed perception
because perception ends with death. Suicide would end, but not satisfy, one’s
desire to perceive Heaven because it ends the desirer, too. A split-mind is no
longer split when one part of it has fallen away.
Perception (awareness, consciousness), desire, lack – these
are all temporary (time-bound) experiences. They can be satisfied in time
through an awareness (perception, consciousness) of Truth. But they, and the
awareness of Truth, end in time. Only Truth Itself has nothing to do with time.
>>>>>
Do you have burning questions or concepts on which you are stuck? Why not book a half-hour with me to get past them? Liz@acimmentor.com. Answering questions and removing obstacles is what I do with my clients. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
Comments
I'm taking this to mean that the dream figure might experience Truth (as well as our usual perception, desire and lack) but it will only be an experience here in the dream and will essentially amount to nothing when the dream figure dies. My assumption thus far has been that upon 'death' one dream ends and another will take its place much like what happens at night when we go from our nighttime dreams to our waking dream when we open our eyes and start our day.
LOL, I guess confusion really is just a defense against the Truth.....
When a dream figure dies the one dreamer of the dream (Son of God) continues to dream just as when a dream figure in your dream at night falls away from some reason you continue to dream. But the seemingly-individual split-mind does not continue on into another dream.
So what's the point then of studying this or any spirituality? How does this affect or help the one dreamer? If I as a dream figure develop a true relationship with Jesus or the HS (which quite frankly, I'm not sure I have) and learn more and more not to blame my lack of peace on anything or anyone outside of me, I'm still kind of stuck with my lack of peace/happiness aren't I? I feel like there is some 'secret' I'm missing.
But no one lives there. You live in your own personal motivations whether or not you are aware that it is part of a larger unfolding. Your personal motivation to develop a relationship with the HS (or Jesus if you prefer) is peace. You won't be stuck with your lack of peace. Lack fades as Truth grows in your awareness.
The ice cream analogy was great. It made this question so much clearer. Thanks again, Liz!
Still stuck on the issue of "if there's a god, why so much pain and suffering? I have a friend with terrible medical issues who says "If there's a god he's a sadist and enjoys shoveling a load of manure on me."
Sorry...
Chris
I can relate to your comments regarding peace being "so far away." I usually get something out of most of Liz's articles but this current one is way over my head. But why stress over it? Liz has repeatedly talked about the theme of readiness i.e. if one is not ready for complete peace, they are simply not ready. So what is a spiritual seeker to do? Take the small steps; identify and question those punishing beliefs that drive those troubling feelings; build a relationship - as tenuous as it may be - with the HS to counter balance the ego; cultivate and practice a willingness to be open to peace. Geez, ain't I full of advice? But that is what I do and feel better for it.
Amen and good luck.
In reading today's lesson #76, "I am under no laws but God's", I just get my knickers all in a twist:
"Think of the freedom in the recognition that you are not bound by all the strange and twisted laws you have set up to save you. You really think that you would starve unless you have stacks of green paper strips and piles of metal discs. You really think a small round pellet or some fluid pushed into your veins through a sharpened needle will ward off disease and death. You really think you are alone unless another body is with you.
Yeah, I do think this way! Should I throw away my vitamins and cancel my next doctor's appointment? Do I have that much faith? I go back and forth...a yoyou.
Agan, thanks for your thoughts.
Chris
1. Why is there so much pain and suffering? Because this experience is the idea of the opposite-of-God. It has nothing to do with God. It is just a false idea. It is only your belief in it that makes it seem to you that something real is happening. So you can remind yourself when you see something horrible that even though it seems very real to you now you will have experiences that show you that Something else is real. (I do not advise saying this to your friend, though!).
2. What ACIM is saying in that lesson is that the laws of the body do not apply to you - a mind. "You really think that those things that can happen to the body are happening to you" would be a way to paraphrase the lesson. So, no, you do not throw away your vitamins or cancel your doctor's appointment. That is how you take care of the body. Again, in time, as you have more experiences of Truth, you will realize that what happens to the body is not happening to you.
If you need help with these ideas set up an appointment with me to discuss them. They are obstacles to you opening to Truth (God).
This is a question I often ask the Holy Spirit (Teacher of Truth), and the answer I get would seem to be the opposite of what are you saying. I wonder whether this might be because you are accidentally thinking about this with the personal thought system.
1. Heaven is Truth. When perception of the world dissolves, only Heaven, or Truth, remains.
2. Suicide means perception of the world dissolves, meaning only Heaven, or Truth, remains.
3. Therefore, suicide means only Heaven, or Truth, remains.
Awareness of Heaven (Truth) while perceiving the world of form is a miracle. On the other hand, Heaven (Truth) is formless Being. The closest experiential approximation (for those who have not experienced Revelation) is deep sleep (as this is also formless and timeless).
“If you have never tasted ice cream but want to do so do you taste ice cream or kill yourself? Which would bring you the satisfaction you seek?”
Both actions bring an end to the desire to taste ice cream. Killing yourself brings about the desirelessness of Heaven (Truth) which is the same thing as an absence of any feeling of lack (and thereby perfect fulfilment/ satisfaction). In fact, every single activity of the seemingly separate self is orientated towards this feeling of fulfilment, which is inseparable from Truth. So there is this cycle of desire -> satisfaction -> desire -> satisfaction … on and on and on … until wake up to the insanity of this and know that what really want is an end to all desire, and thereby permanent satisfaction – Truth, heaven.
--
But still, while the above is necessary is to understand at first, it is still only provisional. It clears up the muddled thinking of a personal thought system that insists the death of the body is the end of the experience of the seemingly separate self. This is just a mad idea, with no backing from the ACIM text/ the Teacher of Truth.
The final understanding is that there is in fact no logical necessity for the death of the body to mean the end of the seemingly separate self experience. Truth is the TV screen. The world of form represents the images that appear on the screen. But only the TV screen is Real, the images are not. The death of the body is just another unreal image appearing, and it will be followed by more images unless the cycle of desire -> satisfaction -> desire -> satisfaction is finally broken. This is how it all ends – there is no shortcut to it through suicide/ another form of death of the personal body. This is what ACIM prepares you for; there is a reason why it doesn’t just advise you to commit suicide in order to immediately collapse time and let only Truth/ Heaven remain (because this tactic doesn’t work!). Also, while ACIM is about experiencing miracles, this should be not confused for the ultimate goal of only Truth/ Heaven.
You might say that the section in the manual for teachers on reincarnation contradicts the above. But it does not. There is no reincarnation in the very sense that any in-carnation is unreal, as the body is the unreal. You are not some sort of spirit that is born into a body, and then another body. But rather you are Mind. You are the TV screen watching as all these images appear. I have had so many dreams of dying, and yet always I wake up and the dreaming/ waking continue. The big hint here is ‘death’ is just another appearance, without some sort of special/ inordinate importance for ‘Awakening’.
With kind regards,
John
In other words, the part of a split-mind that knows Heaven obviously does not need to seek It. This is what remains when the self falls away either by transcending the self or the self dying. It is not the ego or the split-mind. It is not individual but Universal. So the part that is seeking Heaven is the part that is not aware of It. This is the split-mind in its identification with an ego. And this person wants heaven as a self not Heaven as It is, which is not individual but Universal. They are not seeking Knowledge of Heaven but to perceive It while still being aware of a self. What I was pointing out is that this cannot be attained without a self. Killing off the self kills of the experience they seek - a mind still aware of the self and also aware of Truth. How do I know they want this? Because no one who is aware of Heaven would ask the question. They would know they didn't need to experience death to experience Heaven.
You state that awareness/consciousness are part of time, and that THEY (and the awareness of Truth) end in time... wow! Awareness ends in time! So, "what" KNOWS Truth once time is over? I guess we could say it is just BEING (One Mind of God), but if there is no awareness/consciousness, then all there is is VOID... nothing. Ok, so maybe you could say that nothing = everything = ALL THAT IS , whatever you want to call "IT", but if there is no awareness/consciousness, can there be BEING? How would you experience IT? And, if you are unaware/unconscious, are you alive... do you "exist"?
I realize this all might be a futile attempt of the 3D mind trying to understand something that is beyond words or description, but still I'm left with a more than a little confusion on this... BUT, I've learned to live perfectly happy with uncertainty and "illogical" answers, so I'm completely OK with not needing an explanation... NAMASTE!
Frank
I wonder if this little poem by Hafiz, translated by David Ladinsky, gets to it:
March 17
I THINK WE NEED A PASSWORD
I think we need a password, or let's make that
a pass-sentence.
That way, in case you ever come to my door in an
emergency and God and I are busy inside,
we could then just shout, Tell us the password?
if you really want to snuggle.
And part of the password will be you knowing
it is really...a pass-sentence. And here it is
in all its glory and truth:
Love kicks the ass of time and space.
Upon hearing that God and I would look at each
other bewildered, but with delight. We would be glad
someone had reached us...with the
golden key on their tongue.
Though just to make sure we heard you right we
might say in unison, Sing it loudly, baby! Cut loose!
We need to double check!
And then if you did, a strength and smile might
rise inside of you, and right next to my heart you
might be for a moment...beaming like an eye
that knows.
Don't forget now; LKTAOTAS
Maybe even tattoo that somewhere so you will
remember.
Chris
You will notice that one of the first things ACIM does is make the essential distinction between perception (consciousness, awareness) and Knowledge. God, or Being, Knows; It does not perceive. What it Knows is Itself. In other words, in God there is only God. So there is nothing to "perceive" which allows for differences, degrees, etc. There is no room for uncertainty in Knowledge. So Knowing and Being are one and the same experience. God is an experience of wholeness beyond anything you can experience at the level of perception. Lack is not even an idea in God.
God is also Formless so, yes, to the ego this means "nothingness". But the experience of God is Everything not nothing.
Your experience of "I exist" or "I am" is God within you. It is eternal. Your experience of a self is temporary and falls away. You have confused Existence (God) with the self. The spiritual process is one of sorting out Existence from the self.
im having trouble putting the question into words. ok, got it (the question, not the answer, laugh) i have read your words and understood that there is no 'i' in god. thats the 'i' of selves i mean. so is what you mean here, that that'i am' in me, is the SAME 'i am' as is in you? and in frank and chris etc? um.. one dreamer? do you use 'i' in conjunction with exist, because truth is.. aware of truth? is my question clear?
I wasn't looking for an "answer" since I've learned there really is no answer within the dream... there is discussion, explanation, questions, confusion, momentary clarity, doubt, then more questions, in an endless loop that keeps the ego happy and content... the ego loves questioning and explaining, since it knows words can never actually bring peace and TRUTH to the individual split-mind... but, it is fun to play with these "theories"... but, as you point out (in reference to the "i" we think we are): "It is true that they do not exist as a self or anything individual in Truth. But their sense of Existence does continue."
On the surface, this sounds simple enough, but still leaves me with the question: if awareness and consciousness end when the dream ends, and "I" return to TRUTH/BEINg, how is it possible to experience BEING without awareness? Something has to KNOW that IT is BEing, right? I think this is where words and concepts are no longer able to describe or explain what IS... but, as I said, I'm OK with not "knowing"... I've had enough glimpses of IT to have faith that it is all working out in perfect order!
One last thought: as I contemplate what the experience of "Being fully in TRUTH" I have to wonder if anyone (no offense, but including you) has really reached that point, since it seems to me that anyone who could say they were fully in THAT experience (of Final Oneness) would NOT have any reason or ability to "come back"... by definition, to reach that "place", one would have to relinquish all remnants of ego/self/"i", so there would be nothing left (of you/i)that would want to even wish to return to the dream, and certainly no reason to... right? My point is that, in order to have the experience, and be able to come back and communicate it, you would have to retain some fragment of ego/self, and therefore, you were NOT FULLY in the TRUTH... no? Which then means you haven't yet had the FULL experience, but rather a tainted "glimpse", that may or may not be totally accurate...
I hope you understand I am not attacking you... simply thinking out loud, and wondering if others may have had the same thoughts/questions...
PEACE! Frank
i can see now, after reading your answer here, how tenuous my faith in existence without self is. or hang on, no, (because that is not wholly accurate., i can also feel a deep trust) maybe what im seeing is just how the self clings to itself. oh. or how the self CANT have faith in existence, because it CANT actually experience it. oh. weird, my screen just glowed pink for a second.
im still a bit blown away by the fact that a sense of existence exists without the self. but then, maybe thats not accurate either. i think this must tie in with the realisation that truth, being all that is, cant NOT be present, even in a dream of not truth. in which case.. part of me is actually blown away that a sense of existence can be experienced with the self.
frank, hi :) ive thought about that a lot too, maybe not so much for a while now though, as the course managed to answer the questions when my mind melded two parts that i had read, and then liz began to help melt the ice of my own blocks to accepting truth as true.
first, a line from the course leapt out at me one day, and kind of seared itself into me 'my presence will be felt within the dream but not my reality', which kind of ties in with this post of liz'. 'you' can 'taste heaven' here, but not live as a self here in that complete awareness, the two lines dont intersect. to taste it, you have to be experiencing being something other.. other wise you simply are it. ice cream cant taste ice cream, laugh! (i do know youre not questioning that, but its just part of giving you a full answer from my current perspective.)
second, reading what the course said about revelation, about how it COULD be experienced, but not maintained as a self. when i mixed those together, there was something very relaxing present. because.. what the self can maintain is that feeling, that presence of peace/truth, and being true love it must be beautiful, and being true love, it must be enough. no more sense of lack~
im also beginning to experience that.. well, there IS an answer within the dream. just not answers to all the selfs questions. the self has.. so many questions, that arent really.. valid outside of the self. um.. they avoid what the actual 'problem' is, or rather, what the 'real' question is. so. theres no absolute answer to the dreams questions, the answers will change depending on what you have experienced. but there IS one complete answer to the one actual question.
golly, frank.. thank you x
Chris
The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love's presence, which is your natural inheritance.
Chris
Forgiveness is for God and toward God but not of Him. It is impossible to think of anything He created that could need forgiveness. Forgiveness, then, is an illusion, but because of its purpose, which is the Holy Spirit’s, it has one difference. Unlike all other illusions it leads away from error and not towards it.
i out in the first two lines, though i highly doubt they made any sense to me at all, at the time, as they didnt register in my memory. but from 'forgiveness, then, is an illusion,' etc.. it made my heart sing! i kinda got.. if forgiveness is an illusion, we must truly be innocent and lovable!
liz' offers a whole heaps of tools for clarity. i recommend exploring acimmentor.com if you havent checked it out yet. i agree the dialogue here is so very helpful too x
No mind has to do this. Those of us who choose Truth do so because we have experienced It and It calls to us. But, yes, all of this is temporary. Whether or not one is aware of Truth the self, the ego, the split-mind all fall away. This is about what you want to experience now, not at some future time.