Sorting Out the Self, the Ego, and You
“I know it is ego, but…” is a phrase that is often said or
written to me by clients and readers. But often what is called “ego” (personal
thought system) is actually not the ego. Often it is just the personality of
the self expressing itself.
Why is this important? Because in order to let go of the ego
you have to see its boundaries. Otherwise you attempt to release what does not
need to be released. And this can feel discordant, giving the ego an
opportunity to tell you that you are being asked to sacrifice.
To recognize the ego’s boundaries you have to understand the
self’s boundaries, too. The self, as I use the term, is a body and personality.
It is part of the universe of form. It is the result of cause and effect at the
level of form. Your particular self is the effect of what has gone before in
the story of time. It has an authentic expression as part of the unfolding
story of time. And it is neutral in that it is neither good nor bad. It simply
is what has resulted from what has gone before.
The ego is the thought system, or way of thinking, in your
mind that represents not-Truth. It is a thought system of lack, guilt, and
fear. It teaches you that the self is you. It tells you to define yourself by
the self and to fulfill yourself through the self’s life in the world. It
teaches you that the self’s vulnerability is yours and that you need to defend
the self to keep you safe. The ego uses ideas of lack, guilt, and fear to
maintain your belief in it and in yourself as a self.
Who are you in this? You are a mind that is split between Truth
and not-Truth. You identify with the self and the ego until you learn that you
are not the self and the ego and you learn of Truth.
As an example of an authentic expression of a self, let’s
say that your self desires a life-partner. In your identification with a self
this feels like your desire. The
desire itself is not an obstacle to you being aware of Truth. The Awareness of
Truth (Holy Spirit) in your mind uses all situations as classrooms in which you
learn of Truth. But if the ego in your mind tells you that you lack and that
your sense of lack can only be filled if you have a life-partner then your
desire for a life-partner can block you from being aware that you will only
find wholeness in Truth. You can neutralize the ego, however, by deciding to
use your seeking for a relationship, or your being in a relationship, as a way
to learn of the Awareness of Truth. Eventually, as your awareness of Truth
grows, your desire for a relationship to make you whole will be “cleansed” of
the belief that it can save you. The desire for the relationship will remain a
part of the self’s authentic expression, but you, as a mind, will know that you
do not need to fulfill it to be fulfilled yourself.
The self’s authentic expression, motivations, desires, etc.
are part of the story of Undoing in time and form. They continue as your
awareness of Truth grows. You just stop defining yourself by them. You stop
seeking through them for fulfillment. You observe them without judgment. The
ego also continues with its stories of lack and guilt and fear, but you no
longer believe them. You just observe them and their source and know that they
are not real.
>>>>>
If you are giving things up or have
a sense of sacrifice on the path you are looking at something in the wrong way.
Sorting this out is what I help my clients with. You can email me at Liz@acimmentor.com
to set up an appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
If you have a question the answer to
which you think will help others email it to me at Liz@acimmentor.com
and indicate that you want it answered in the newsletter/blog.
Comments
And was the co dependency in You or your partner? Or was it more like your partner brought it out in you. Is this how the reflector factor works?
Goodness I hope I'm not over analyzing everything and being caught up in the detail and not the message. Forgive me if that's the case. I totally appreciate tons the insights I continue to glean from you Liz. This blog just gets better and better.
And the Holy Spirits part in this threesome of ego, self, and you? I realize the blog already addresses this. Say it again! Now that the ego's fear/guilt based belief in "I'm not lovable" is exposed...what happens?
I give the belief to the Holy Spirit and just rest.
Willing and ready (and scared) for the undoing. But Willing. 100% in.
Thank you Cairn. I'm always amazed at how Liz understands the real question being asked and then delivers such profound and helpful response.
You said "giving it to the Holy Spirit is not passive. You have to look at it and be willing to undo the underlying beliefs with the Holy Spirit."
Something that gave me a lot of uncertainty ("Am I doing this Right") was the second non-passive part, the Undoing. Are we talking psychotherapy or just talking with the Holy Spirit saying I recognize 'this' as the underlying belief? I really need to know the process in detail.
For three days now I have been meaning to read your book on Releasing Inner Guilt which probably has the answer to my question. I forget and then something like this brings it back to my attention.
Alright, I can see if I want DETAIL on how to undo it is in your book "Releasing Guilt For Inner Peace: A Companion to 4 Habits for Inner Peace." I am going to get the information I'm after through the book. If you wrote a book about it obviously you can't really address it on a blog. Thanks.
In answer to your earlier question it is psychotherapy but with the HS in your mind. What do you feel? What are the thoughts behind the feelings? What is the belief underpinning the thoughts? Sometimes it helps to put it in writing.
Also, anyone who's interested can set up an appointment with me to learn what to do. This process is one of the tools I teach.
About the "loads" of anything to get over: What happens in this process is you drill down each time and find you come to the same place over and over. In the beginning you think each situation of lack or guilt or whatever is different because they look different. But you will learn they all lead to the same place. You have to learn this yourself, however. It's not enough for me to stand outside your mind and say, "All guilt comes from the same belief." You will find this for yourself in your own mind. Recovery speeds up each time after that.
I'm realizing that sometimes I try to figure things out before I actually do them and in the process procrastinate. You told me about this years ago but I successfully put it off till now. Maybe I wasn't ready. I did a lot of psychotherapy and also worked as a counselor for 20 years so I picked up a lot of prejudices along the way. But your right, this type of thing is between the person and the Holy Spirit.
do you mean that ultimately you find the belief that there is a god/power outside you who decrees an absolute morality? that you believe your will is different than this gods?? that you actively wish this separate self and its world to be real? that the impossible could happen? why does it all seem to be different places to me? do i stop looking too soon?
i say ultimately because of speaking of looking at guilt. actually-ultimately youd have to drill down and find reality, im sure!
I was not able to see this until peace had come to stay in my awareness. Before then I would not have been able to look at it. I believed it and it was too terrifying.
i imagine that facing that belief would coincide with facing the fear of the individual self as part of not truth. hmm. i guess though that our minds are good at layering, looking at one picture one aspect at a time.
and joy, cos it doesnt matter one iota!
oh, how to say that!? its like i was trying to make a connection in something that was already connected, and so couldnt figure out why i couldnt connect them! like.. trying to understand more was just creating its own confusion, because what was being looked at was much simpler than i thought!
ok, to check im seeing this clearly.
liz.. any sense of unworthiness, any sense i would be more acceptable and lovable if i changed something about myself, be it thought or action or even appearance, or that the world outside of me would be more acceptable and more lovable if i changed it (including wanting to change/clarify someones perception of me) is just an EXPRESSION of guilt right?
i felt so happy a moment ago, and now i feel panicky. and trying to UNDERSTAND this feeling is really counterproductive, right, beyond recognising that its an expression of guilt? i dont know if im being clear. what i mean is.. i cant UNDERSTAND guilt to achieve peace? understanding that guilt DOESNT make sense is the path to peace?
ah!! in light of our discussion about my reaction in the wee sma' 'oos this morning to my nieces religious beliefs. the strength of my reaction of needing to do something about that idea of a judgemental god, (because NOTHING has rocked me for ages like this stuff with maya, i couldnt understand the *strength* of the anger and the drive to do say things so directly out of line with my will to let her be) and the *depth* of the ickyness and guilt i felt afterwards. but it just now made clicked why in light of what you wrote above!
"Hannah, what I found was that each time I ran into guilt in some form I'd drill down and find that it came to the same belief: that I had defied a god who had set up an absolute morality, who sat in judgement on me, and who would punish me. This was the core belief that underpinned all forms of guilt, no matter what they looked like to start.
ok, now im confused again.. because that understanding didnt feel like it was counterproductive to forgiveness and peace! ok.. hang on, i think theres a difference between understanding the general dynamic of guilt so you can look 'beyond' it to truth, and seeking peace *through* understanding of the whys and wherefores of specific guilt so you can try and forgive. the second example is trying to bend truth and not truth?
sweet sister Hannah, thank you always for your sharing. i don't understand the guilt - unworthiness that is uncovered for me so much as recognize i am being given the opportunity to forgive it. trying to understand it seems to pull me away from the HS and back into the part of my mind that is invested in keeping the belief going. there is a gap that occurs in my mind, an opening, and in that opening, a willingness to let the HS understand it for me.... my hope is to steadily live more in that opening. i'll meet you there! endless L, n
I don't know if this will help: After peace came to stay and had been with me for a while it came time, authentically, not because I thought it was time, to look at guilt. I felt that I was going down into a dark pit and the HS was up top holding the tether. I was ready and willing. And yet I couldn't find the guilt. I did this again and again and finally I asked the HS about it and It said, laughing, "I've told you over and over that there is no guilt." There's no guilt! There has only ever been a *belief* in guilt. That's when I realized I had to work on the belief not on guilt itself. In other words, I didn't have to make myself worthy. I didn't have to fix anything. I only had to let go of the idea of worthiness and accept What is.
"trying to understand it seems to pull me away from the HS and back into the part of my mind that is invested in keeping the belief going"
"You can learn how guilt works. But you will never understand it."
nutshells baby!