Only What You Have Not Given Can Be Lacking
“Only what you have not given can be lacking in any situation.” (T-17.VII.4)
This quote is from the Text of A Course in Miracles. In context, it is about Helen Schucman’s and Bill Thetford’s faith in their Holy Relationship. They were being told not to blame the other when they lost sight of the Holiness of their relationship. The Vision of the Holy Relationship was within each. It did not come to each from the other. So if one did not see Holiness in the other the problem with within them, not in the other.
This is, of course, a central lesson in ACIM. The issue is always within you. I often use this quote with clients in a slightly different context. They will share with me that they are not getting something from a relationship. Often they will take this idea and feel that if they just gave enough forgiveness or love the other would change. But I ask them if they are giving themselves, through the relationship, what they want from the other. For example, if they are in a relationship with someone who is emotionally withholding, are they loving themselves by being in the relationship? If they feel disrespected, are they respecting themselves by being in that relationship? Your relationship with others is your relationship with yourself.
If we cannot accept love we may take two approaches in relationships: We don’t see the love being offered by another. Or we get involved with others who cannot love us as we want to be loved. If you feel you are not getting something from a relationship that you want, first ask if the other is attempting to give you what you want. If they are, then you have to work on letting in what they offer. But if they are not, you have to ask yourself why you are with them. Do you value other things more in the relationship? Does what you are getting outweigh what you are not getting? Are you asking for more than that person can give and can you get that need met elsewhere? Or have you outgrown that person and is it time to move on?
In short, look at what you are not getting and ask yourself if you are giving it to yourself.
Sorting out relationship questions is one of the things I help my clients with. If you are having problems in a relationship and would like help sorting out your part in it, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
If you have a question the answer to which you think will help others email it to me at Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered in the newsletter/blog.