The Grand Tour of Fear
Sometimes I hope there is some reason for the journey through fear I have taken these past two years since I rose in consciousness. I have seen fear up close and intimately; raw, unmasked, and unmodified. But then I see that it is just as insignificant as the experience of existence (ego) that is gone for me and when it is over I will not give it any thought.
This is just the way this split mind comes to an end.
Everything A Course in Miracles says about the ego I have visited, experientially, not as just a concept. I have been through the fear of death and I’ve been through death. (Not of the body, obviously, which is irrelevant.) A much worse experience was fear of nonexistence. Because, as the Course points out, at least death “proves” there had been a life. Nothing terrifies the ego more than the idea that it doesn’t exist. Because it doesn’t. And I’ve seen that, too.
When I reached the furthest edge of fear of nonexistence I had only one place to go if I didn’t pull back: Insanity. This is what the ego offers: You either accept it or you go insane. But I had seen it is not real, so I could see I had another choice.
That was the bottom, a few weeks ago.
This has not been fun. It has been extremely difficult at times, actually. But at least it has always been interesting.
The latest thing I did was take a tour of the ego factory and watch it make illusions. I saw how fear arises in Wholeness (Oneness) and makes a material world to block It. I saw—clearly—how I have made separation from God and others in this way and in an ongoing way. That was what that entire other experience of existence (mortal-consciousness) was. This was breathtaking. But right after seeing this, I saw how form does not block Love unless I want it to. I can make it an obstacle by giving it meaning or I can look toward Love instead.
There has been nothing new in what I’ve seen. What is new is how I see it. There is no doubt in my mind about my Power now. I have seen and felt myself empower illusions. There’s no one and nothing else here.
It is all winding down. The ego’s echo shrinks in size and power each day. I do not mean to scare anyone. The flip side of this is my growing awareness of my Self (Christ). I will write about that as it unfolds more and more.
How awakening unfolds for your mind will be unique to your mind. This is why I wonder if there’s some purpose in seeing all this as I do. But what purpose can there be in what I see is illusion? I can give it meaning and make it real to me. Or I can look to Love.
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