Sorting Out the Holy Ego from the Spiritual Ego

            Last week I wrote about how a spiritual ego is the inevitable result of Spirit rising to conscious awareness. I want to make a distinction between a spiritual, spiritualized, or spirit-centered ego, and a “holy ego.”

Spirit is in every consciousness. And in many, as a manifestation of the Atonement, or undoing of the idea of not-God, Spirit rises toward conscious awareness, or the level of consciousness of which one is immediately aware. For most among the many, the shifts are subtle and unfold over a lifetime, perhaps coming about through reading a spiritual teaching or hearing someone speak. For a few among the many, Spirit does not just rise toward but rises temporarily to conscious awareness in a dramatic experience, like a mystical experience or near-death experience. This dawning of Truth on one’s consciousness leads to a “honeymoon” period of months to years where Spirit is in or very near conscious awareness but eventually recedes and ordinary life goes on, although the person is greatly changed. In any case, there is a conscious sense of now being on a “spiritual journey.” That journey is not really to “get somewhere”, although that’s how it is experienced. The “journey” itself does not mean anything, but it signals Spirit being near or rising toward conscious awareness.

The result of this movement of Spirit is what feels like growth, personal and spiritual. A person takes more responsibility for themselves, they mature. They become aware of ego and its resistance to Truth. Sometimes, for example if they are students of a teaching like A Course in Miracles, they take a deep look at ego. If their awareness of Spirit within continues to grow, eventually they find that they are willing to follow Spirit. This often comes with a sense of “serving” God or being an “instrument” of God. Ego has become spiritualized and one’s consciousness and life manifest the Presence of Spirit rising in their consciousness.

In some, however, a spiritual experience results in a bloated ego. They feel that they are special, perhaps chosen. They may feel they have a special conduit to God, an awareness others cannot access, or that they have special powers. They may expect others to follow them. They may go so far as to become cult leaders. This is how a “holy ego” shows up.

Even those who are truly following Spirit are not immune to ego’s bloated side. Ego is still the center of their consciousness, and its uglier side goes on the journey, too. If one is truly following Spirit, they will become aware of this, sometimes painfully bumping into how ego uses Truth to enhance its sense of specialness or entitlement. They learn to be on the lookout for this, and eventually, when they have learned to discern even ego’s subtle forms, to not take it seriously, to laugh it off.

Of course, not everyone professing a religion or spiritual journey is manifesting the movement of Spirit toward conscious awareness. Sometimes people are just going through the motions of their culture. Some are in pure fear and become fundamentalists.  And there are those, of course, who use the language, dogma, and ceremonies of religion or spirituality as a useful tool to manipulate others and gain power for themselves.

You can tell if someone’s spirituality is truly the movement of Spirit by the transformation in a person. They become quieter, more patient, more accepting, wiser, and humbler over time, no matter the beliefs they espouse may be diverse. If a true spiritual experience precipitates fundamentalism, one will pass through fundamentalism as Spirit’s Presence in their consciousness lifts them out of fear and guilt.

The expression of spirituality may be twisted by ego but the Inspiration for it is Spirit. Where you can take comfort is in watching the movement of Spirit toward conscious awareness in someone, no matter the unique shape it takes in their individual consciousness and life. You can recognize something genuine occurred at some point in another, even if their spirituality seems convoluted, guilty, and fearful to you, even in those who seem to have stepped away from it or eventually seemed to get “lost.”

And for yourself, don’t worry about nailing down the absolutely correct theology or ontology. You can sit back and watch the movement of Spirit toward conscious awareness unfold through your consciousness and your story without judgment, too. 

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