Ego Thinning and Cracking

            A discomfort often reported to me by clients and readers is their confusion over why certain spiritual experiences, like shifts in perception and mystical experiences, are not consistent or why these experiences don’t seem to make discernable progress. They may grow through these experiences and in that sense they progress, but the experiences themselves do not seem to grow or develop. For example, someone may have a mystical experience revealing truth beyond ego and the world and never have another. Others feel the nearness of truth often, but it doesn’t break fully into their conscious awareness. Some have reported living in a lovely awareness of truth for months or even years only to have it fade.

The problem isn’t truth (pure consciousness), of course, but the nature of ego. Ego thinks everything that happens in consciousness is for it and its person. That is its reality and it knows no other. It makes stories, and in doing so, develops expectations from what occurs. It generally does not question these until it is forced to because an expectation is not met or it can’t make something line up with the story it has been telling itself. When expectations are not met it becomes a victim of an unfair universe, person, or situation, or it grows through it, facing up to what has been revealed to be an unrealistic expectation. And when something doesn’t fit its story, it changes the story to make it fit. But sometimes it can’t and this is where it gets uncomfortable because what is being exposed is what is happening in consciousness is not what ego thinks.

The expectation that once truth breaks into conscious awareness it will continue to do so in some sort of linear way is common because one thinks their life is unfolding in a linear way, usually with some goal in mind. That goal may be personal or spiritual but certainly an experience of truth, whether mild or intense, affects ego. It becomes integrated into the story ego has for its person. If it hasn’t already, the person is likely to go on a spiritual journey of some kind. And that journey is expected to be one that progresses, not just in the sense of growth for ego and its person, but that spiritual experiences will also progress. For example, perhaps they will come more often, with each experience growing in intensity.

And for many, a spiritual journey does ensue, but it does not usually include an increasing progression of mystical experiences. That’s an expectation based on how fiction generally works, but not “real life.” Most adjust to this. They come up with reasons and purposes for why these things occur randomly and irregularly. For example, “Nothing has happened since, but I must’ve had that near-death experience all those years ago that showed me reality is love so that I learn to love everyone and everything in this lifetime.” These adjustments and stories will occur in your mind automatically while ego is in your mind. They are not wrong or bad. It is just how this works. But the progression you want to look for is learning and growth rather than advancing spiritual experiences because it is common for ego to become spiritual before it falls away.

Here is an analogy, similar to one in these articles back in January, to help you understand what is really occurring between pure consciousness and conscious awareness (what is in your immediate awareness).

Magma is always flowing beneath Earth’s surface. When it rises toward Earth’s crust it causes shifts in the crust. If extensive enough, we call these earthquakes. When it breaks through the surface of the crust, we call it a volcano. Sometimes this is a violent eruption, other times it simply results in streams of lava pouring gently out. Because magma is fluid, it emerges through the path of least resistance, where the crust is thinner and where there are cracks in it. For the surface of Earth, this is both a destructive and constructive process because old land is destroyed but new land is built. But for the magma itself, rising to the surface is just what magma does because it is lighter. It is, of course, indifferent to how the surface of Earth experiences this.

Often these articles refer to “pure consciousness (truth) rising toward conscious awareness” and the effects of this in conscious awareness. It is much like magma rising toward and sometimes breaking through Earth’s crust. In this analogy, pure consciousness is magma and ego is the crust, the place over which in consciousness is conscious awareness. Because conscious awareness is part of pure consciousness, it is inevitable that pure consciousness will at times rise toward conscious awareness where ego’s “crust” is thinner. Sometimes this results in ego building a thicker crust (defenses) to keep pure consciousness from rising further toward conscious awareness. But at other times, the crust of ego experiences shifts in perception. Sometimes these shifts are mild; other times they are experienced as “earthquakes”. These show up as personal growth and taking steps to heal dysfunction. Often they result in a spiritual journey.

For some, the crust of ego is thinner and maybe even cracked in some places. These thinner places and cracks may already be there, or they may have come about because of earlier shifts. So, now if pure consciousness rises toward conscious awareness, it may “pour through” into conscious awareness. This shows up as a mystical experience. Sometimes this is on its own in one’s mind and sometimes it occurs in the context of a loving relationship or situation where ego’s crust is thinner. It could be a volcano of intense experiences of love and oneness or a gentler flow of the same. In any case, now that truth has come to conscious awareness, the result is “spiritual awareness” of some sort. The effect for ego of truth breaking into conscious awareness is both destructive and constructive as old ideas and perceptions fall away and are replaced by new ones. Neither are real, of course, but the new ones result in a thinner crust more vulnerable to cracking and eruptions of truth. This is dramatic for ego but is meaningless to pure consciousness. Pure consciousness does not move toward conscious awareness with intention. It is, in fact, always just below the crust of ego because pure consciousness is what conscious awareness is without ego. It is ego’s thinning and cracking that allows for truth to break into conscious awareness.

If you are walking a path that makes sense to you, that feels coherent and cohesive, then you do not need to concern yourself with what is really occurring between pure consciousness and conscious awareness. This is ego’s time to be spiritual and have a meaningful journey. But if you are confounded by what seems to you to be inconsistent truth, know it is your expectations and stories that lead to your confusion, not truth. It may be uncomfortable, even downright painful, but stories and expectations falling away are a sign that your ego crust is thinning and cracking before it falls away. 

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