Ask: Why am I bothered when I am not liked?
I've recently joined a community action group and met some new people. To make a long story short, I got the impression that one of the young women really does not like me. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. Obviously, there's something in my mind that still believes strongly in the idea of being liked. How can I heal this tendency? – SD
When you want something from others you make them your god. You tell yourself that they are the source of your well-being. If you get from them what you want (in this case, being liked) you are at peace. If you do not get from them what you want you are shattered. A Course in Miracles shows us that this is how the personal thought system thinks. “You are my source…”
This woman may or may not like you. You don’t really know what is going on in her mind. But it does not matter. You see what seems like her dislike of you and that is very real to you because it reinforces thoughts that are already in your mind. If she seemed to like you (as many there probably did) you wouldn’t even notice.
Of course, all personal selves are sometimes likeable and sometimes unlikeable. And the designations “likeable” and “unlikeable” are arbitrary anyway. What one finds likeable another may find unlikeable. And what one finds likeable they sometimes find unlikeable. And so forth. The problem for you is that it matters to you that the personal self with which you identify is sometimes unlikable. There are so many specifics that could be going on here. For example, do you have a reason for not liking yourself that overrides all that you do like about yourself? Did you come from a gregarious family in which it was a “sin” to be unlikeable? Do you equate not being liked with being abandoned? Do you equate not being likeable with not being lovable? Do you feel that if you are not a “good person” and liked by all God will not love you? Is it simply that you want to give others power over you because you are too afraid to claim your own power? Do you prefer to be a victim? There are many possible unconscious thoughts behind your need to be liked.
To find out what is going on in your mind bring this issue to the Holy Spirit. When you are truly willing to look at it simply ask the Holy Spirit to help you to uncover the thoughts that lead you to be bothered when you are not liked. Then let this go and leave your mind open. You will become aware of the answer when you are ready to hear it.
*****
Learn about The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, The ACIM Mentor Articles, and 4 Habits for Inner Peace at http://www.acimmentor.com/.
If you have a question that you want answered in the ACIM Mentor Newsletter/Blog send it to Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered here.
When you want something from others you make them your god. You tell yourself that they are the source of your well-being. If you get from them what you want (in this case, being liked) you are at peace. If you do not get from them what you want you are shattered. A Course in Miracles shows us that this is how the personal thought system thinks. “You are my source…”
This woman may or may not like you. You don’t really know what is going on in her mind. But it does not matter. You see what seems like her dislike of you and that is very real to you because it reinforces thoughts that are already in your mind. If she seemed to like you (as many there probably did) you wouldn’t even notice.
Of course, all personal selves are sometimes likeable and sometimes unlikeable. And the designations “likeable” and “unlikeable” are arbitrary anyway. What one finds likeable another may find unlikeable. And what one finds likeable they sometimes find unlikeable. And so forth. The problem for you is that it matters to you that the personal self with which you identify is sometimes unlikable. There are so many specifics that could be going on here. For example, do you have a reason for not liking yourself that overrides all that you do like about yourself? Did you come from a gregarious family in which it was a “sin” to be unlikeable? Do you equate not being liked with being abandoned? Do you equate not being likeable with not being lovable? Do you feel that if you are not a “good person” and liked by all God will not love you? Is it simply that you want to give others power over you because you are too afraid to claim your own power? Do you prefer to be a victim? There are many possible unconscious thoughts behind your need to be liked.
To find out what is going on in your mind bring this issue to the Holy Spirit. When you are truly willing to look at it simply ask the Holy Spirit to help you to uncover the thoughts that lead you to be bothered when you are not liked. Then let this go and leave your mind open. You will become aware of the answer when you are ready to hear it.
*****
Learn about The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, The ACIM Mentor Articles, and 4 Habits for Inner Peace at http://www.acimmentor.com/.
If you have a question that you want answered in the ACIM Mentor Newsletter/Blog send it to Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered here.
Comments
Nice answer.