Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Ask: How do I forgive a situation where a friend lied to me?
“I have a friend who likes to say actions speak louder than words. And recently, I found out that she lied to me and it appears purposely deceitful…Initially, I felt sadness that a person who professed to love me would for lack of a better description lie to me. When I did tell her I knew about the whole event she acted like she wanted to counsel me on my sadness. This seemed to make me angry...All I ever ask for is the truth. As the truth stands on its own. I am having a challenge forgiving her in this moment. I am having feelings about the deliberate lie. I know this is a lesson for me and caring for myself. How do you see this?” – Anonymous
Your (former?) friend is correct: actions do speak louder than words. And she spoke loud and clear about herself to you with her behavior. Your choice now is to maintain the friendship as-is, maintain the friendship with new boundaries that address what you now know about her, or to end the friendship.
You don’t really need to forgive her, but you want to forgive your thoughts about her. You discovered she told a lie. The lie is a fact. However it is not the source of your upset. You are upset because of the story you tell yourself about the lie and the liar. This will probably be some sort of victim-story that ties into your personal identity and personal story. It may have many angles or layers. This is what you need to look at with the Teacher of Truth (Holy Spirit) and release (forgive) if you want to be at peace.
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