The Sanest One in the Room
I used to intellectually understand that the ego was insane. Now I experience it as such. I get what I call the “falling down the rabbit hole” sensation of disorientation when I try to understand an ego (personal thought system). This includes the one in my mind. What I experience is the chaos of a multitude of possible interpretations and responses without any criteria to establish which is the best to choose. The mere fact that there is choice indicates that there is no absolute correct interpretation or response except to acknowledge it is insane and not engage with it. Not engaging with the ego is easy now that I experience it as insane. While I still thought it made some sense I couldn’t let it go.
“Whoever is saner at the time the threat is perceived should remember how deep is his indebtedness to the other and how much gratitude is due him, and be glad that he can pay his debt by bringing happiness to both. Let him remember this, and say:
I desire this holy instant for myself, that I may share it with my brother, whom I love.
It is not possible that I can have it without him, or he without me.
Yet it is wholly possible for us to share it now.
And so I choose this instant as the one to offer to the Holy Spirit, that His blessing may descend on us, and keep us both in peace.” (T-18.V.7)
The above quote was the suggestion made to Helen and Bill in A Course in Miracles for those times when they were in conflict. Of course they were in a unique teaching-learning relationship where what one experienced the other did as well. But what about the rest of us who do not have a partner in this practice? The “saner” one at any given moment is the one who is able to put aside the ego (personal thought system) and access the Truth in their minds. Since the vast majority of people you come across are not aware of the Truth in their minds this most often means you. If you want harmony in your relationships with others you are going to have to be the one to find that harmony for yourself in your awareness of Truth. The Holy Spirit (your awareness of Truth) in your mind will help you find another way of looking at the other or the relationship or help you to find ways of approaching the other so that you do not increase fear in either of you.
When dealing with others it helps to remember that just as you view things through the filters of your mind they view things from the filters in their mind, too. This can help you to not take their responses personally and escalate a conflict. What they feel and how they respond is never about you. If you can take a deep breath and focus on what they need in the moment rather than on your personal response of fear you will drop your defenses. And when you drop your defenses you will often find that they drop theirs, too. Then you can get on with a rational discussion to deal with the conflict between you.
As you grow closer to Truth and sanity and away from the insanity of the ego there will be fewer people to whom you can relate. You will feel increasingly different from others and apart from the world. The ego will tell you that you should feel lonely. But you will feel whole in your awareness of Truth so you will not feel lack or “loneliness”. True Oneness is not the joining of egos but an inward experience of Wholeness. And because the mind always sees itself you will see the same Wholeness in others even when they are manifestly not aware of It themselves. Wholeness will feel more present to you and the superficial, passing ego drama will be insignificant to you.
Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, and Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace at www.acimmentor.com.