Ask: What do you suggest I do to end unhealthy relationships?

“I have been having some trouble withdrawing from some ‘friends’ that I no longer feel I want to spend time with. In the past I have felt justified in confrontation and judgment when I felt I was right, but clearly, after 13 years of study that is no longer an option I want to pursue. But, even as I write this I want to list their "sins" and unfairness, proving to you and the Truth in my right mind that they are the guilty ones and I the innocent victim…the bottom line is I feel that they take advantage, been dishonest and without going into more detail are ‘friends’ I no longer trust or want to spend time with them, however I don't want to hurt them or, as I am so dying to do...tell them what I think is wrong with them. In Truth, intellectually I know that they are characters I cast in my own play, speaking my own scripted dialog and have done nothing that I didn't unconsciously want them to do but in form I feel further contact would be toxic and very uncomfortable for me. In form, they have taken advantage, ignored boundaries I've set and lied to me. But again, on another level I know this whole situation is just another smokescreen to "protect" me from the Love that is still clearly very frightening to me,

and so I've seized upon this situation as a "problem" that must be solved but in Truth doesn't even exist… And the Course never addresses what we should or shouldn't do in the world of form because there is no world of form, however I still clearly believe there is so what would you suggest I do to end the relationship in a kind and loving way?…” –SB

Just to be clear, you do not write the “script” – what others say or do – but you interpret the script. I say this because I notice many A Course in Miracles students have a hard time letting go of unhealthy relationships in part because they feel they actually somehow made what shows up at the level of form. At the level of form you do attract and allow certain people into your sphere. But you are not responsible for making those people. Like the self with which you identify they are simply the result of cause and effect at the level of form going back to the beginning of time. What you can affect is the degree to which others are in your life.

Your desire to set boundaries makes it clear that you are no longer so afraid of Love that you want to hold onto these relationships as a “smoke screen”. Love is what has led you to a place where you value yourself too much to continue these unhealthy relationships. You can withdraw from these relationships in a couple of ways, depending on the nature of each relationship. One is to be direct and to explain to the other why you no longer want to be in a relationship with them. The other way is to just let a relationship die a quiet death as you no longer pursue it. If the other continues to contact you, then you have to decide if you want to be direct and tell them outright that you find their behavior toward you unacceptable. Or, if you do not want to be so direct, then by not pursuing them and limiting how much you interact with them when they do call or come around they will probably get the message.

I’m not sure why you say ACIM does not address what one should or should not do at the level of form when most of the Workbook and much of the Text addresses this! It’s apparent reading ACIM that Helen’s problem was not so much her allowing unhealthy others into her sphere as her own unhealthy, attacking mind. But there’s really no difference. Your relationship with others is your relationship with yourself. When you remain around others who attack you, you are simply using them to do for you what you want to do to yourself.

>>>>>

Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, and Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace.