Yes, the Spiritually Aware Set Boundaries
My last two articles discussed setting boundaries in relationships. A common question I get is that if one is spiritually aware wouldn’t they not be bothered by others’ attacks or negativity. Yes, it’s true that when you are spiritually aware you do not have a personal reaction to what others say or do. But that does not mean that you want to be around dysfunction if you have the choice.
First, I want to point out that people who are having problems in their relationships have not yet reached a level of spiritual awareness where they have stopped getting an emotional charge from others’ attitudes and behaviors. If they had reached that point they would not need to ask how to deal with their relationships! Boundaries would be automatic. In fact, a sign that someone with low-self-esteem is growing in their spiritual awareness is that they are ready to start putting up boundaries with dysfunctional others. A side-effect of growing spiritual awareness is a healthier self.
But back to the point: When you are spiritually aware you simply have no desire to be around a lot of drama, which is the result of dysfunction. So when you have a choice, you put up boundaries. Even when you are spiritually aware you’d prefer to sit in a quiet place rather than next to a jet engine.
Sometimes you don’t have a choice. Or, really, you do, but you are getting something else out of a situation that is of more value to you. For example, you may put up with your bigoted uncle on the holidays because he is part of the family and you want to be with the others in your family. So your boundary is to not have much to do with Uncle Bigot at family events. And you do not seek him outside of family events. Or perhaps you work with someone who is relentlessly negative and judgmental so you limit the time you interact with them to shared projects. You also may have a dear friend whose life occasionally erupts in victimhood drama, even with you, but you work it out with them because you get so much else out of the relationship.
Life in the world surrounds you with so much dysfunction why, when you have the choice, would you not make the choice for a peaceful outside that reflects the peace within? In fact, it’s automatic that you seek and create outside what reflects within. It is not a coincidence that those who are more spiritually aware have quieter, simpler, more harmonious outer lives.
And, importantly, the boundaries you set are not only for you. They are a loving way of demonstrating, “I am whole and so are you. I can see there is much more to you than you are now demonstrating.” Your boundaries model for others what it is to value yourself and your integrity. They give others the opportunity to look at their own behavior and to grow out of their dysfunction and immaturity. Whether or not they choose to do so is, of course, their choice.
Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, and Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace at www.acimmentor.com.