Ask: What can I do about my frustration with those who are stuck?
“As my awareness of truth grows, I see aspects of my behavior, attitudes etc. in terms of correctable mistakes rather than crimes against humanity. The boogey man becomes smaller and smaller. This of course is a removal of an obstacle to peace. The problem that arises however, is my frustration with those around me who - out of fear - are so dug in to their stuff - unable and unwilling to budge. This results in a feeling of hopelessness, of helplessness, a "missing piece", a lie that must be tolerated. My options are to reject these friends totally; grin and bear it; knock some sense into them; or what? There's gotta be a better way.” – Anonymous
On the surface the fact that you no longer see your mistakes as “sins” would seem like a good thing. However, you still see “sins” or you would not be bothered by others. You still project guilt so you still believe that you are guilty. Your shift from seeing “sins” to seeing mistakes is merely a superficial intellectual shift.
If you do not want to be around people who are not growing then limit or end your relationship with them. They are taking up space in your life that could be filled by healthier people. But doing this may bring only temporary relief. It won’t fix your problem of projecting guilt. You are likely to project guilt into new friendships.
The guilt in your mind is taking the form of you thinking that it is “wrong” for people to be stuck in their problems. You must still feel that there is something “wrong” about you that you are seeing in them instead of in yourself. It may be a direct projection where what you specifically see in them is something that you feel in yourself. For example, there may be an area where you feel “dug into” your “stuff”. Or each person’s specific “stuff” may be something specific that you feel in yourself. Or it may be a general projection of feeling that you are inherently “wrong” and seeing others in their dysfunction merely brings up your general feelings of inherent “wrongness” and guilt. You could also feel helpless and hopeless because you mistakenly feel responsible for their dysfunction or for fixing their dysfunction and this is the source of the guilt that makes it hard for you to be around them. You may feel guilty for choosing to get healthy and “leaving them behind” in the process. In other words, these relationships are long over and you feel guilty for being the one to “leave” by choosing to get healthy. In fact, you could be feeling grief as well as guilt over the end of these relationships. You will have to sort out exactly what form(s) of guilt you are projecting and undo them or you will continue to project guilt.
When you have worked out the guilt in your mind you will no longer be frustrated by others’ choices. You may briefly wish that they could see that they are worth a better choice. But this will lead to feelings of compassion, not helplessness and hopelessness. You will see that they have their path to walk and that it is none of your business. Then you will feel free to decide, without judgment or guilt, how much, if at all, you want them in your life.
Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, and Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace at www.acimmentor.com.