In the Turnaround
When I was a young child sometimes when I played alone I would experience a reassuring, comforting Presence with me. I felt in those experiences that everything would always be okay. These experiences were very rare. I had a happy, secure childhood and I had no conscious need to seek reassurance. But of course I was still having the human experience of everyday lack and insecurity. I was unconsciously open to Truth at those times. These experiences seemed very natural so I didn’t question them. Nor did I think of them beyond their occurrences.
As a teenager I would in times of desperate adolescent angst turn to what I thought of as my “inner Therapist”. These were very rare occurrences, too. But you can see how a shift had unconsciously occurred for me: The Presence was no longer with me; It was within me. It was still Other, but I knew It was in my own mind. I thought of It as my “inner adult” the way as adults people speak of their “inner child” left-over from their childhood. It was a future, wise me come to guide and comfort me through hard times. (I pictured It at the time as being all of 25 years old!)
In my late teens I started reading self-help books and eventually psycho-spiritual material. These told me that God was within me. I understood that they were speaking of my Inner Therapist. And then A Course in Miracles came along when I was twenty years old and I knew right away that the Voice that dictated it was the Christ in my mind – another name for the Presence that I had experienced as a child and the Inner Therapist I turned to as a teenager. I changed my label for It but the experience was the same.
My study and practice of ACIM led me to grow my awareness of the inner Presence, the Holy Spirit. I learned to call on it as my Guide and Teacher in all things. Later, when it came time for me to teach others, I learned to come from the Holy Spirit within me with others and in my writing.
Recently I have experienced a shift and I now know, not just intellectually but experientially, that that Presence, that Inner Therapist, the Christ Mind and Holy Spirit, is me. I have had surprising experiences of myself as the Teacher to the split-mind (decision-maker) in this mind rather than as the split-mind calling on or coming from the inner Teacher. In these experiences the split-mind is the “other”. It wasn’t exactly accurate for me as a teenager to think of the Presence as a future me. It was me all along. What was in the future was my awareness of this. I have gone from the Presence being with me to It being within me but Other; to the boundary between me and It slipping and being able to come from It as I dealt with the world; to beginning to experience, at least so far within this mind for the self in it, being the Presence…
Learn about one-on-one mentoring, how to send a donation for this blog, and about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, and Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace at www.acimmentor.com.