In the Turnaround

When I was a young child sometimes when I played alone I would experience a reassuring, comforting Presence with me. I felt in those experiences that everything would always be okay. These experiences were very rare. I had a happy, secure childhood and I had no conscious need to seek reassurance. But of course I was still having the human experience of everyday lack and insecurity. I was unconsciously open to Truth at those times. These experiences seemed very natural so I didn’t question them. Nor did I think of them beyond their occurrences.

As a teenager I would in times of desperate adolescent angst turn to what I thought of as my “inner Therapist”. These were very rare occurrences, too. But you can see how a shift had unconsciously occurred for me: The Presence was no longer with me; It was within me. It was still Other, but I knew It was in my own mind. I thought of It as my “inner adult” the way as adults people speak of their “inner child” left-over from their childhood. It was a future, wise me come to guide and comfort me through hard times. (I pictured It at the time as being all of 25 years old!)

In my late teens I started reading self-help books and eventually psycho-spiritual material. These told me that God was within me. I understood that they were speaking of my Inner Therapist. And then A Course in Miracles came along when I was twenty years old and I knew right away that the Voice that dictated it was the Christ in my mind – another name for the Presence that I had experienced as a child and the Inner Therapist I turned to as a teenager. I changed my label for It but the experience was the same.

My study and practice of ACIM  led me to grow my awareness of the inner Presence, the Holy Spirit. I learned to call on it as my Guide and Teacher in all things. Later, when it came time for me to teach others, I learned to come from the Holy Spirit within me with others and in my writing.


Recently I have experienced a shift and I now know, not just intellectually but experientially, that that Presence, that Inner Therapist, the Christ Mind and Holy Spirit, is me. I have had surprising experiences of myself as the Teacher to the split-mind (decision-maker) in this mind rather than as the split-mind calling on or coming from the inner Teacher. In these experiences the split-mind is the “other”. It wasn’t exactly accurate for me as a teenager to think of the Presence as a future me. It was me all along. What was in the future was my awareness of this. I have gone from the Presence being with me to It being within me but Other; to the boundary between me and It slipping and being able to come from It as I dealt with the world; to beginning to experience, at least so far within this mind for the self in it, being the Presence…

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Comments

will said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
will said…
Mentor Notes, Lesson 35
Practicing a Course in Miracles; Cronkhite

“It is very important that you realize that, however you believe yourself to be as a ‘person’, it does not matter at all to God, because God does not know you as a 'person', but as One with God. For you to remember that your are One with God, you do not have to become a certain type of person, but rather you must let go of your identification with a personal self altogether. The attributes, attitudes and behaviors that you ascribe to yourself as a personal self are never ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘right‘ or ‘wrong’; they are always only meaningless, because they are never really you.
Anonymous said…
Since your article Liz reflects your own personal growth through a process of ACIM, I'd like to ask a question about my own growth through the process of studying the Course. While my awareness of Truth grows incrementally (quite slow), most of my conscious awareness focuses on how much fear there is in my mind as I go about my life. I have learned to "generalize" the source of this fear, not dwell on it as something real, and even use it as a springboard to turn to Truth instead. I definitely don't engineer a life of non-stop distractions to avoid feeling fear nor am I about to make a "truce" with my ego. While outwardly I function quite normally in the world, inside the river of fear flows on. What do you think about this?
ACIM Mentor said…
Anonymous, you are in the period of sorting out. You are aware of Truth but you still believe what the ego tells you, consciously and unconsciously. Thus the "river of fear". As you grow your awareness of Truth you also have to let your false beliefs come to the surface so you can examine them and undo them. Doing this with the Awareness of Truth (Holy Spirit) in your mind is a way to both grow your awareness of Truth and undo your fears.
Anonymous said…
THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE RE. ABOVE.
Anna Poulin said…
I am reading book from Ken...forgiveness and Jesus it is one of his earliest writings ... grievances are keeping me in jail with my cell mate "ego"...I have over the course of life in this illusion have done well in creating grievances... and am very attached to them to the ones I can remember and to the ones I don't even recall I have... I'm addicted to the anger and almost feel lost without it...I forgive but don't really because the memory comes back and there I go feeling the anger again...then I have the experience where I without a doubt I was God lead to "things" that turned out good for me.. but now I have learned that God does not contain good or bad right or wrong etc.. it was the holy spirit that led me through some decisions without really being aware that some how I was opened to receiving the HS guidance.. in fact there's a lot of things that have happened without my awareness to the them that some how I know they were led by the HS..I am often aware like now that I'm three people in my mind.. the one that's angry. .the one that's loving and the one caught and stuck at the place where the path divides into two different directions. ..standing in fear and in confusion..as I understand the reading from this book this is when two should join together to heal their grievances and practice true forgiveness so that true healing of the mind so that true undoing of the belief in separation from God can happen.. I feel a lot e in that I can't seem to find that other person.. I can't do this by myself
ACIM Mentor said…
Anna, the "other" that you discover in relationships with others is the Holy Spirit. That is What you can join with for healing.

But if you want someone to help you through the process you can always book time with me to see if I'd be a fit as a mentor...check out my website, www.acimmentor.com to see what I offer.
nicci said…
liz,
this description of your unfolding relationship with the Inner Companion is relevant for my journey. glimpses of a union with - dissolving into - This Presence are occasionally breaking through. thank you deeply.
endless Love, n
Anonymous said…
I just had an experience with a neighbor who was rambling on with a story. She had her two year old twin grandaughters with her in the back of her vehicle. I was present and peaceful and listened but found I was not or could not identify with her story telling and felt drawn to the "sparkle" of the two red haired girls. After I had no memory of her story. I felt I was present with her so was my mind in presence or just tuning out?
ACIM Mentor said…
Only you can know that Anonymous.

When you are present to the Presence you feel It within you. There's a sense of immediate "hereness"; like "This is It. There is nothing else." No matter what is going on around the self.
Anonymous said…
Yes, present to Presence witnessing false autonomy.

Thank you Liz
Liz, in reference to your response to Anonymous wherein you replied:

"When you are present to the Presence you feel It within you. There's a sense of immediate "hereness"; like "This is It. There is nothing else." No matter what is going on around the self."


Question: Would you say another pointer might be:

Present to Presence = I AM
ACIM Mentor said…
Cairn: Yes

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