Ask: Would you explain how you understand ego dynamics in an unholy relationship?
“…Would you explain your understanding of the ego dynamics of the unholy relationship from (T-17.III) ‘Shadows of the Past’.” – WW (May 25, 2018)
What A Course in Miracles refers to as an “unholy relationship” in that section is one where you see, usually unconsciously, someone from your past in another in the present, and you then play out your anger with the person in the past in the present relationship. For example, someone may unconsciously remind you of the uncle who abused you, or the fifth grade teacher who was unfair to you, or your mother who abandoned you, or your father who was emotionally absent, etc. The unconscious reminder may be triggered by appearance, personality, or behavior.
This projection of the past on present relationships is how all personal relationships begin. After all, all we know is the past. It is not always negative. Sometimes you may instantly like someone because they remind you of someone you liked in the past. This is why it is important to get to know people before you get too involved with them!
To see the present person as they are rather than through the filter of your own past, you must be willing to question your responses and to look at your projections of meaning onto the other’s words or actions. Sometimes you may be correct and they are behaving like the person from your past. You may be drawn to them because they seem familiar, even if dysfunctional. But, at other times, you may see something, like abandonment, for example, where there is none. This is why open, honest communication is important in relationships. You need to give the other the opportunity to explain themselves and their motives. For example, “When you say that, it makes me think of my mother just before she left us.” Of course, this means you must be willing to understand your own filters and projections.
Once you drop your projections of negative feelings from the past, you stop attacking the other for what they did not do, and you are able to see and love them as they are. Then you are free to see past the body to the Truth in their mind.
Do you need help finding obstacles to peace in your relationships? Relationships are our mirrors and classrooms. They are the number one topic with my clients. Email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up a telephone appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
If you have a question the answer to which you think will help others, email it to me at Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered in the newsletter/blog.