Seeing the Choice More Clearly
I have used my spirituality to not fully experience the pain of the human experience. I have not denied the pain completely, but I also have not acknowledged the pain completely. And now I see that I will not let it go until I fully accept the experience as it is. Otherwise, I hold back pieces of it and cannot totally release it.
For example, the Holy Relationship I had with E was also a special relationship that ended. Oh, I felt the pain. But I also used the Holy part of our relationship to mitigate the pain. I’d tell myself things like, “but there was no real loss” because of the Holy Relationship, which I remained aware of. But there was a loss! And, real or not, I experienced it as very real. In form, in time, loss happens. And it is never undone in time. One goes on, maybe even gets over. Time does mitigate the pain. But, in the story of time, the loss occurred at that point in time.
The way out of loss is not using Truth to deny it where it seems to happen. The way out is to recognize my choice is loss or Truth. In the Holy Relationship example, one part of the relationship was Holy and the other was loss. It’s not “There’s pain, but, there’s also Holiness, so I’ll focus on That instead.” It is, “There’s pain, period. And I have another experience, Holiness.”
It is a subtle shift in approach, but one that makes the difference between not-Truth and Truth clear so you know your choice. Not-Truth and Truth do not occur in the same part of your mind. But when you say, “This is painful, but I have Truth” you try to bring Truth into the experience of not-Truth. You end up using truth to deny not-Truth rather than seeing it fully as it is. But when you say, “This is painful and I have another Experience to Which I can turn” you recognize that not-Truth and Truth do not occur together in the same part of your mind. Then you can make a real choice.
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