Seeing the Choice More Clearly


I have used my spirituality to not fully experience the pain of the human experience. I have not denied the pain completely, but I also have not acknowledged the pain completely. And now I see that I will not let it go until I fully accept the experience as it is. Otherwise, I hold back pieces of it and cannot totally release it.

For example, the Holy Relationship I had with E was also a special relationship that ended. Oh, I felt the pain. But I also used the Holy part of our relationship to mitigate the pain. I’d tell myself things like, “but there was no real loss” because of the Holy Relationship, which I remained aware of. But there was a loss! And, real or not, I experienced it as very real. In form, in time, loss happens. And it is never undone in time. One goes on, maybe even gets over. Time does mitigate the pain. But, in the story of time, the loss occurred at that point in time.

The way out of loss is not using Truth to deny it where it seems to happen. The way out is to recognize my choice is loss or Truth. In the Holy Relationship example, one part of the relationship was Holy and the other was loss. It’s not “There’s pain, but, there’s also Holiness, so I’ll focus on That instead.” It is, “There’s pain, period. And I have another experience, Holiness.”

It is a subtle shift in approach, but one that makes the difference between not-Truth and Truth clear so you know your choice. Not-Truth and Truth do not occur in the same part of your mind. But when you say, “This is painful, but I have Truth” you try to bring Truth into the experience of not-Truth. You end up using truth to deny not-Truth rather than seeing it fully as it is. But when you say, “This is painful and I have another Experience to Which I can turn” you recognize that not-Truth and Truth do not occur together in the same part of your mind. Then you can make a real choice.

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A mentor is one who walks ahead of you and can help make your path smoother by sharing her experience. Email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.

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Comments

will said…
T-17.IV
ACIM Mentor said…
Will, your timing is impeccable...
nicci said…
liz,
this addresses directly just what my mind has been attempting to sort out with relationships this morning. i have read it over a few times and applied it. the choice making process is now so much clearer - greater evidence that it is indeed "impossible to see two worlds" (at the same time). such a simple and profound shift... feeling relief and a swelling of gratitude for your sharing. it continues to strengthen my practice. n
hannah said…
right, right!

so the ACIM idea 'deny the denial of truth' can be misunderstood. im afraid i haven't read the book thoroughly enough (all the way through only once) to know if it also clarifies how this could be so easily misunderstood. im sure it does at least indirectly! like, it does also say things like 'forgiveness does nothing , it merely sits quietly, watches and waits and judges not' or something similar, which i can see now also applies to what Liz is saying here.

so, you could say.. 'seeing the choice more clearly.. to Forgive or to *not* forgive!'
Unknown said…
Yes Liz !
I think you 'hit the nail right on' here !
Recognizing both level 1 and level 2 thoughts - and the choise between them...
TRUE LOVE is what we ARE - special love is its surrogate here (to compensate for the love of God we pushed away...)
Lots of love to everyONE
Hi Liz - I'm not really hearing what you're saying here. And obviously there is an important distinction which you've discovered so I'd very much like to understand what you're saying. I'm not sure if there's another way you can say it but if there is please let me know. Thanksyou - best wishes - Annie
ACIM Mentor said…
Annie, I can't think of another way to put this. Maybe someone else can try? It is such a subtle distinction you may have to wait to stumble upon it yourself some day.
Anonymous said…
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

by Elizabeth Bishop
Stefanie said…
I was there, too. Then I came to understand that I deny pain and unpleasant feelings because Not-Truth was real to me. When I came to experience more that only Truth is true,I got the strength to deal with worldly pain. It is nothing,so I can allow myself to feel (and heal) it, it won't kill me.
will said…
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will said…
Annie, Inside the egoic mind, in all of us, in the subconscious, there are horrors going on. Freud described them as, horrible, perverse, primitive,savage, evil,disgusting, monstrous, dangerous and frightening and with phrases like a cauldron of seething excitation full of chaos, half tamed demons, strange and uncanny things and evil spirits.

This is bad enough but then Jesus gives us his description (T-19.IV-A.12-3-7; 13:2-7).Pages 410 & 411. But it gets worse as Jesus tells us this is what our special love conceals.

The special love that you have for your husband or wife is only a false cover over your special hate which is the things that Freud and Jesus describe above. This is the place where 99.9% of students will never be able to face. Jesus says he will take out hand as we must walk through and forgive these horrors. Virtually no one will ever accept this. The idea that the love you have is only an ego defense to keep you from looking at these things. Your Special Love is actually Special Hate and is the egos reply to the presence of the Holy Spirit.

Without doing this part of the course with Jesus your progress stops. It has taken me 10 years of a deep love for a woman to finally see that all of this is true. A relationship that just would not work. I asked Jesus a month ago to
walk with me as look at these horrors.
will said…
To Clarify: This looking at the horrors of the subconscious with Jesus is so we can see they are nothing, a simple illusion and then we see only Truth is real. This allows the Holy Spirit to turn these relationships we have into something Holy.
ACIM Mentor said…
I just want to clarify something Will wrote. Not all special relationships block your awareness of Love. You can also use special relationships as classrooms where you learn of and grow into your trust of the Holy Spirit. This makes it a (practical) Holy relationship. Even mystical Holy relationships, where you and another share in the awareness of Oneness, maintain aspects of special relationships. The specialness just becomes secondary, instead of the purpose of the relationship. So it all depends on your goal for the relationship. And you can change your goal for a relationship while you are still in it. However, if the relationship was dysfunctional and your shift of purpose does not suit the other, it will fall away.
will said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
will said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
will said…
I got off track
will said…
I got off track not only with what I was originally talking about but with the reason I was writing it as well. A hazard of writing what you are passionate about.
Christine said…
Will, I got what you wrote...I first heard about the content of your post above when I was studying Christian Science - it was given to me by a life long student of CS, I was going through a divorce and was an adult, but I was still taken aback back then! The Course explained this aspect much better...and thanks Liz for even more clarity in your comment.
will said…
You can do Forgiveness while involved in a Special Relationship, but you will still run up against the subconscious at some point which is what the Blog is describing.
will said…
“We either confront the terror of oblivion and nothingness (subconscious) or by denying the guilt, we hope magically to escape the anxiety it engenders. What the ego does not reveal of course is that beyond the guilt is the God Who is always with us and whose loving Presence dispels the ego’s fearful world which is based on separation from Him.”

Forgiveness and Jesus; Wapnick
will said…
Forgiveness as in the Special Relationship will leave you half way up the ladder completely unaware of what the ego is still hiding.
will said…
The flip side of the Holy Relationship is it leaves you in the same place. Thinking it is an end in itself you believe it leaves you in a state that you have not reached.
ACIM Mentor said…
Will, the mystical Holy Relationship is the experience of forgiveness itself. It is a higher miracle, pointing beyond itself to Truth.

The practical Holy Relationship is an effect of the awareness of Truth. So you are correct that if you think it is an end in itself you flip cause and effect and get lost.
will said…
Liz, I was thinking along the lines that the Mystical Holy Relationship leaves you unaware of a still fully intact subconscious.
will said…
That a person comes out of the mystical event thinking something has taken place when it hasn't. That the Holy Spirit has done something which this experience isn't a part of.
ACIM Mentor said…
Will, it highlights one's obstacles rather than buries them.
will said…
The first few lines of the blog started this train of thought. Your last comment is probably something a person has to experience to understand.
will said…
First paragraph.

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