Getting to Know Me, Getting to Know All About Me...
Last week I mentioned having thoroughly reviewed the ego (personal thought system) in this mind and my relationship to it over the past several months. There is nothing new to learn, but the review continues. It is as though the echo of the ego is falling away in slow motion and as it falls the Light shines through it and I see, in minute detail, what it was and how I related to it. While it is a thought system of fear, I no longer fear it. Getting to know my mind like this is the most intimate experience I have ever had.
It is also empowering. No illusions about what’s going on here. It’s right in my face, moment by moment. There’s no other power here. This is between me and me, and nothing else, which is why it feels so intimate.
I have felt that the ego is gone in all but my conscious awareness. My conscious awareness is where I live moment by moment. Sometimes I’m in the Awareness of Truth and I feel the echo hovering in the distance. Just as, when I’m in the echo, I feel Peace surrounding me. In other words, my conscious awareness is still split. That’s all, though, that remains of the split.
Though sometimes uncomfortable, and often confusing, this stage is incredibly interesting.
Many years ago, in the first ten years of my study of A Course in Miracles, I had the most erotic dream I ever had. I was making love with a woman on the floor of what was my bedroom at the time. And when I opened my eyes to see my lover—she was me. I don’t mean someone I recognized was supposed to be me. I mean, it was me. I was making love to me! I was both lovers. When I awoke, I understood right away what the dream meant.
It was many years, however, before that understanding would come again. This was in 2008, when I was translating ACIM into plain language. As I worked on the translation, the lesson that came over me again and again like a thunderclap was that the spiritual journey I was on was between me and me. There is nothing else in this mind but this mind’s seeming-various parts.
And this lesson has been honed ever since. Inward, inward; it is all inward. What you experience as your “world” is your mind.