The Good Stuff Since the Shift
A few weeks ago I wrote about my “Grand Tour of Fear” (May 8). I shared how since my shift in consciousness I have seemed to experience fear in all its forms and degrees. It has been an intense and often rough two years, but it has not been all about fear. I wrote that I would eventually share some of the good stuff that has happened as well, so here it is.
So far, the hallmark of my experience has been my feeling of immortality. Immortality was not something I gave much thought to before and I had no idea I would one day experience it. Like so much of this new experience, it has seeped slowly into my awareness so that the way to characterize it has come long after I began to have the experience.
First I felt a “ghost in the world”. This was before the moment I refer to as “The Break”, which I call the shift I experienced. After The Break I would say “a new life had come”, which seemed inadequate to describe my experience. Not long after that I became aware that I am Spirit and that the “ghost in the world” sensation was the outer edges of that awareness. And one evening a few months ago I had the powerful realization that the way to characterize what I have felt since The Break was “a new experience of existence”. Finally I have realized all of this could be put under the heading “I am immortal”. This is a new experience of existence indeed!
I cannot explain how I know this. I just know.
The joy of this is that immortality is of God. By this I mean it is not an aspect of consciousness, because consciousness will fall away, too. Immortality is the hot knife of Knowledge (God) that cuts through the butter of consciousness. So another way to describe the feeling of immortality is that I know this: I am of God.
And that silences everything.
So of course this means I have a whole new experience of the world, the material of consciousness. I do not go around in gobsmacking Love for every single blade of grass, as some have asked. I have moments, but not yet an ongoing awareness, as I still deal with the ego winding down. It is inevitable, however.
The joy of immortality is just that: Inevitable Love. After all, what could outlast immortality?
Have you seen my new logo? The swirling light? That struck me when I found it because some of those moments of Love are like a swirl of twinkly Light as I look upon something or someone. These moments are quietly powerful, yet not forceful.
Sometimes I feel for a while that I am in a smile. I call this experience the “Universal Smile”.
All of this is the Holy Relationship to me. With Hannah, I experience a deeper, brighter version of the Holy Relationship. In her I recognize my Self—Christ—straight out. The Light of our relationship is what I call The Golden. (This despite our personal difficulties, which I will write about another time).
Sometimes I see what I call The Golden Threshold. This is the Source of all the Light I see. Through the Threshold is God. The Light pouring from it is Christ. It is as “high” as consciousness can go.
For a long while leading up to the shift, when I would be caught up in ego, I felt that what goes on in my seemingly-individual conscious awareness is simply not important. But of course it is, as it is an expression of consciousness. But what is not important is my judgment of what goes on in this conscious awareness. In other words, the ego was judging me for the ego still being in my mind. And that is simply not important.
And I see this because of another experience since the shift. I had the growing awareness beforehand that I was a part of something larger. I was a thread in a Tapestry and never apart from it. Since the person fell away in the shift, I now live in the awareness that I am the Tapestry and everything is unfolding perfectly—even the explosions of ego in this seemingly-individual conscious awareness. It is all a part of the Atonement (Undoing) and serves its temporary purpose.
Life is another experience I have. Sometimes I realize I have “crossed over”. I am on the other side of death. I am Spirit, just What is expected on the other side of death. It seems the death was of the person I thought I was. Or, anyway, the death was my identification with the person. But, really, that entire other experience was death. And this experience is Life like I never experienced what I thought was “life”. It is vibrantly powerful, and, alas, like immortality, not something I can convey in words. But just imagine a lush green garden, awash with sunlight and vibrating with vitality, and it’s a close metaphor.
Cause and effect is being corrected in my mind. This is an ongoing shift. For example, I am well aware that the process I am in has not been affected by anything going on in life in the world. No matter what is going on in my personal life, the process I am in is not helped or hindered; slowed or sped up by it. It goes on blissfully untouched by it. It affects how I see life in the world and how I respond to it, not the other way around.
Only in direct Revelation of God have I been what I consider “awake”. For me, the shift in consciousness I experienced was to a state of “awakening”. It is a process, the end of which is the end of consciousness, and I have only just begun. This beginning is the ego winding down as my experience of my Self grows and I acclimate to It. As I pointed out above, I began to shift long before the moment I call The Break. That was really just the peak of the shift, which is a long arc that continues. I am in what A Course in Miracles calls the “Period of Unsettling”. Those moments of Love I see now are the “mere shadows” that will become “solid gains” (M-4.I.A.8) at the end of the arc. And that will be the final period, “Achievement”, “…the stage of real peace, for here is Heaven's state fully reflected” (M-4.I.A.8).
I wondered why it was called a “period” when it seemed to be the goal of the other periods. But now I understand. It is when one settles into awakening, the end of which is God.
I accept questions for this blog/newsletter. Send them to Liz@acimmentor.com.