Ask: Can you explain the difference between the practical and the mystical holy relationship?

“If you haven't covered this subject already, could you please write about the difference between the practical holy relationship and the mystical holy relationship?”—MK

 I have indeed written about the difference between the mystical and the practical holy relationship many times, pretty much any time I’ve discussed the holy relationship. (See 4 volumes of The ACIM Mentor Articles as well as any of these articles you may have missed at www.acimmentor.blogspot.com). But I will clarify them again here.

Before I do so, I want to make it clear that the term holy relationship is from A Course in Miracles and the designation of mystical and practical relating to the holy relationship is my own and is based on my own experience.

A mystical holy relationship is the result of spiritual Vision, which comes spontaneously, or is what some might call a “gift of grace.” Vision cannot be made or conjured and it is of Christ. (Christ is the label given to What of God one can be aware of in consciousness as one cannot be aware of God’s Totality in consciousness.)

In a holy relationship, two people seem to see Christ in each other and recognize their Self beyond consciousness. It is described as an experience of Oneness, or Unity. Really, they see Christ instead of an other, and this shatters the illusion of consciousness, with its diversity and differences, as reality. It is a deeply intimate experience as the Unity, or Onlyness of God, experienced goes far beyond the emotional closeness sought in personal relationships.

As such, the Vision of a holy relationship is not about their material relationship. It is not an idealized personal relationship, it is not about getting one’s needs met, it is not about emotional fulfillment. It reveals these things to be unnecessary as the material world is exposed as false and the Unity of God is understood to be what one has been looking for in personal relationships.

A mystical holy relationship is a joyous experience of Love and Unity. While it seems to occur in a singular relationship, it naturally extends and is understood to reveal the Truth beyond not just that one relationship, but the entire experience of consciousness. It is the “doorway” into what A Course in Miracles calls the real world, or spiritual Sight, which Sees Unity, or Love, instead of ego’s world (consciousness) of separation and fear.

The Vision of a holy relationship shakes the foundation of the delusion of ego, which is that consciousness is real. It also shatters ego’s use of relationships for the purpose of reinforcing the value of its “alternate reality” to God, the One and Only Reality, by revealing a Love that surpasses ego’s “special love.” The content of the holy relationship is God rather than two personalities finding the “perfect match,” thereby bypassing ego. Therefore, ego’s defenses come out in full force, making the material relationship between the two experiencing a holy relationship almost untenable. This does not affect Vision, however. So, the mystical holy relationship brings to the awareness of those involved the split nature of consciousness, delusional on one hand (ego), a dim reflection of God’s Glory on the other (Spirit). The Course says that if the two involved hold on through the difficult beginning (however long that is) the relationship will be rewarding.

It is my understanding that the holy relationship discussed in the Course is the mystical holy relationship, as it refers to Vision and seeing Christ in the other, not something that you can simply make happen. Again, I want to remind students of the Course that Helen Schucman scribed it in the context of her holy relationship with Bill Thetford, the “special function” of which was to bring the Course into the world. Clearly, she, at least, experienced spiritual Vision and Sight, and the rocky road of such a relationship is described throughout the Course once the holy relationship is introduced (The Healed Relationship, Chapter 17). It is important for students to understand this context and study the Course with the Holy Spirit, so they can learn what to take away and what to generalize for themselves. Clearly, most students do not experience spiritual Vision or Sight.

After experiencing a mystical holy relationship, which did not last, the Vision of the holy relationship was all I ever wanted again, no matter ego’s intense resistance. However, I knew I could not make or conjure Vision. But I realized I had the Source of that Vision in the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit taught me to use the world to grow my awareness of the Holy Spirit by bringing It with me into every situation. So, I naturally practiced what I eventually called the practical holy relationship when I wanted to give my readers and clients something to do with the idea of the holy relationship as I knew they were not likely to be experiencing the mystical holy relationship.

The idea behind the practical holy relationship is to use relationships to grow more aware of the Holy Spirit by letting the Holy Spirit lead the way in relationships. I did this on my own with others. In my marriage, although my (now ex-) wife was on a different path (Christian and 12-step), we did this together. She simply called the Holy Spirit her “Higher Power.”

Although my goal was to use relationships to grow my awareness of Spirit, a side effect was more harmonious relationships, because Spirit had me look at my triggers and projections in conflicts, to take responsibility for them, and to make amends when necessary. In the case of my marriage, my wife also took responsibility for her responses and looked at them with Spirit (Higher Power). Another incidental effect of this was that as we grew more comfortable with ourselves, we felt comfortable being open and honest with each other, deepening our trust in each other, bringing us closer.

A mystical holy relationship spontaneously changes the purpose of relationships. But intentionally using relationships to grow one’s awareness of Spirit also changes their purpose. So, sometimes the result of inviting the Holy Spirit into a relationship is the relationship ending. This will certainly happen when the relationship has been dysfunctional.

I have heard of some inviting the Holy Spirit into a relationship, and although they do not experience Vision, they find the relationship greatly disrupted, and although not dysfunctional, ending. This tells me Vision is just out of their conscious awareness, and this is enough to threaten ego.

Helen and Bill were also given guidance regarding their material relationship, such as, whenever they had a conflict, whoever was “saner” at the time should turn to Spirit. They were told to focus on the efforts the other made on behalf of their special function instead of their perceived mistakes, etc. So, while a practical holy relationship does not lead to a mystical holy relationship, a mystical holy relationship can also be a practical holy relationship. In fact, it would naturally become so to deal with ego’s conflict with God. 

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If you have a question the answer to which you feel may be helpful to others, send it to Liz@acimmentor.com and I will answer it in this newsletter/blog.