Sex and the Course Student

Appetites are "getting" mechanisms, representing the ego's need to confirm itself. This is as true of body appetites as it is of the so-called "higher ego needs." Body appetites are not physical in origin. The ego regards the body as its home, and tries to satisfy itself through the body. But the idea that this is possible is a decision of the mind, which has become completely confused about what is really possible. (T-4.II.7)

Inevitably students of A Course in Miracles come around to the question of sex and its role in their lives now that they are on a path to become teachers of God. They learn that pain and pleasure are the same, that whatever the body experiences is in the mind, that God did not make bodies, etc.

Sex plays several different roles in our lives: Pleasure, bonding/connection, power and reproduction. So let’s look at each of these individually.

Pleasure

Pain compels attention, drawing it away from Him and focusing upon itself. Its purpose is the same as pleasure, for they both are means to make the body real. What shares a common purpose is the same. (T-27.VI.1)

As the quote says, pain and pleasure are the same because they are both meant to make the body real to you. The body is an illusion of you and any time you want to make it real to you, you are doing so to run from the awareness you are Part of God. So any time you identify with the body you feel the pain of separation from your own Truth and guilt for making this choice. Because this is obvious with sex, which is so focused on the body, the world’s religions teach that sex in particular is sinful and they try to restrict it (only in marriage between a man and woman) in the hopes that this compromise will allow them to maintain the separation and ease guilt. Actually, seeking pleasure from anything other than God is not a sin but an error. You simply will not find real, lasting pleasure from sex.

Bonding/Connecting

Revelation induces complete but temporary suspension of doubt and fear. It reflects the original form of communication between God and His creations, involving the extremely personal sense of creation sometimes sought in physical relationships. Physical closeness cannot achieve it. (T-1.II.1)

Sometimes we use sex to feel close to others or to ease loneliness. What we are really seeking is Oneness (creation). If sex could really supply this need then we’d only have to have it once! Of course, seeking connection through sex is just a mistake. You are Spirit and can only connect with Spirit. Only by recognizing this One Spirit in everyone and everywhere will your need for connection – for Oneness -- be fulfilled.

Power

Some people use sex as a means of acquiring power from others. The extreme expression of this is rape, but some engage in this with all partners consenting (b&d; s&m). The one needing power feels weak and is using sex to get power from others. Obviously, this will not work. Weakness is an illusion. Your Power is within you, always.

Those who consent to giving up power during sex are seeking degradation or humiliation, sometimes trying to take back power they feel they lost during sexual abuse or rape (their consenting is their means of re-acquiring power), sometimes simply acting out guilty feelings about sex. Again, your True Power is always within you and cannot be lost or given away. Anytime you punish yourself you are expressing your fear of God. You punish yourself in the hopes that it will lessen God’s punishment. But God does not punish and the belief that God does is an error.

Reproduction

Remember that the Holy Spirit interprets the body only as a means of communication. (T-8.VII.2)

Some religions teach that there are souls up in heaven waiting to come down to earth. The Course teaches there is One Spirit, Which we all share. God does not need you to have children. Does this mean you should not have children? Of course not! To the Holy Spirit all relationships are useful as means to remember Oneness. If you want to have children, have them. But you do not have to feel compelled to have children, either.

When the body ceases to attract you, and when you place no value on it as a means of getting anything, then there will be no interference in communication and your thoughts will be as free as God's. (T-15.IX.7)

As always, you do not have to repress your desires. This only leads to feelings of deprivation and sacrifice and anger. Turn your sexual relationships over to the Holy Spirit. As with anything else you still value, the Holy Spirit will use it to teach you until you let it go. God is the only source of lasting love, peace, happiness, pleasure and fulfillment. As you let God in and experience God directly and as you see your Oneness with others, sex will naturally fall away from you as a mistaken means of attaining these things. You do not have to force this. Sexual desire is not a sin, simply a mistaken “getting mechanism”.

A word about responsibly expressing your sexuality: Guilt is the source of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. When someone does not want to admit they are going to have sex they don’t use birth control or carry protection (condoms, dental dams, gloves) for safer sex. It’s a head-in-the-sand approach meant to avoid guilt. Or a person could use an unwanted pregnancy or STD as a means of punishing themselves for being sexual. To responsibly express your sexuality you must deal with your guilt. Understand that you will always feel guilt when you identify with the body/ego, but you do not have to add to this guilt. It’s a mistake to think the body can get you anything, but guilt is also a mistake. Separation from God is never real

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