Patience and Trust

After 22 years of house cleaning I’m about to put that business aside to focus fully on writing and mentoring students of A Course in Miracles. I got the signal from the Holy Spirit a few weeks ago to close out my house cleaning business at the end of the year. It took me a couple of weeks to let this sink in and just when I was okay with this the Holy Spirit came up with a project for me that is going to take up a lot of my time next year. I wasn’t expecting this project, but there it was.

Basically, the project is a study aid to help clarify the Text for students. The work will be pretty involved. I began it and found I had a lot of resistance to it, so I backed off. This is very different from the way I used to handle ego resistance. I used to tackle it head on, analyze it, try to resolve it and struggle, struggle, struggle. But looking back over 20+ years of spiritual awakening it’s pretty clear that all the misery I experienced was of my own making, and it was just this struggling that caused it. So I’ve learned to step away when I meet resistance and return to focusing on being One with the Holy Spirit and trusting that the resistance will pass.

And so it does. It began to come clear to me that a good part of my resistance to this particular project was that I had not yet processed my feelings about this big transition in my life. I couldn’t think about it because so much emotion was in the way. So I gave over a weekend to processing my feelings and thoughts. I spent a lot of time just thinking and eventually wrote out what I was going through as a way to see it more clearly and to release it. Afterward I felt a tremendous load lifting off of me and I could feel my resistance beginning to move. Then came the direct resistance to the project itself. I let all of the arguments come up, and lo and behold, they went in a circle! What began as an argument against ended in an argument for. The block was gone and the writing started to flow.

There is no trust without patience and there is no patience without trust. If you trust the problem will be solved, patience comes naturally. My lack of trust through the years was my desire to “fix” things myself. I didn’t want to wait on the Holy Spirit because I didn’t want to give up power or control or whatever it was I thought I had to give up to the Holy Spirit. And so I made misery when I could have been at peace instead. Looking back I can see how every form of resistance passed and the more I let it go and trusted the faster it passed.


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