A Choice, Not a Compromise
A Course in Miracles makes it very clear that Truth and illusion cannot be reconciled. If there is any illusion in Truth, then Truth isn’t Truth. And if you bring illusion to Truth illusion disappears because unreality is dissolved by Reality.
For many years I tried to bring the two together. Every now and then I’d sit myself down and try to come up with some sort of philosophy to live by that was based on my experiences of Oneness in direct revelations with God, and in the Holy relationship. I struggled to come up with a way to live, the appropriate attitudes to strike, and the politics to adopt in light of my experiences. But there was no relationship between my experience of the world and my experiences of Oneness, and I couldn’t make them come together at all. I’d always reach a point of relief when I saw the contrast between the two experiences clearly, but I didn’t really want to understand that, either. So I’d wander off, only to come back again and again to try to find some way to use my experiences of Oneness to make my separation from God more comfortable.
“Reason will tell you that there is no middle ground where you can pause uncertainly, waiting to choose between the joy of Heaven and the misery of hell. Until you choose Heaven, you are in hell and misery.” (T-22.II.7)
But slowly I got the point: I had to make a choice, not a compromise. There was no bringing separation and Oneness together. One has to give way to the other because there can only be one reality. And of course, illusion gave away to the compelling Reality of my experiences of Oneness. I resisted this at first, like a child throwing a temper tantrum, but eventually the relief I felt overcame my resistance to the Truth being True. I didn’t have to try to make the ego into something anymore; I didn’t have to try to fix myself or others, or to save the world. None of those things would ever be reality, so why would I need them to change? All that effort is over, thank God! I only have to let it all go.
For many years I tried to bring the two together. Every now and then I’d sit myself down and try to come up with some sort of philosophy to live by that was based on my experiences of Oneness in direct revelations with God, and in the Holy relationship. I struggled to come up with a way to live, the appropriate attitudes to strike, and the politics to adopt in light of my experiences. But there was no relationship between my experience of the world and my experiences of Oneness, and I couldn’t make them come together at all. I’d always reach a point of relief when I saw the contrast between the two experiences clearly, but I didn’t really want to understand that, either. So I’d wander off, only to come back again and again to try to find some way to use my experiences of Oneness to make my separation from God more comfortable.
“Reason will tell you that there is no middle ground where you can pause uncertainly, waiting to choose between the joy of Heaven and the misery of hell. Until you choose Heaven, you are in hell and misery.” (T-22.II.7)
But slowly I got the point: I had to make a choice, not a compromise. There was no bringing separation and Oneness together. One has to give way to the other because there can only be one reality. And of course, illusion gave away to the compelling Reality of my experiences of Oneness. I resisted this at first, like a child throwing a temper tantrum, but eventually the relief I felt overcame my resistance to the Truth being True. I didn’t have to try to make the ego into something anymore; I didn’t have to try to fix myself or others, or to save the world. None of those things would ever be reality, so why would I need them to change? All that effort is over, thank God! I only have to let it all go.
Comments
When my son liked to play board games, I used to try to play the board games 'with kindness'. I wondered, 'Could I ever win these games if I played with kindness?'. It didn't take long to realize I would never win a game of competition by being kind since kindness and competition are mutually exclusive ideas. Thanks to my experiments while playing board games, I inched a little closer to realizing that Truth and illusion cannot be reconciled.
In the mean time I practice the thought 'I do not know my own best interests' and (both thoughts produce a little pain from time to time)'Nothing means anything to me' and hopefully, eventually, the ego dissolves.
So I'm upstairs doing my meditation up till a few minutes ago and my ego has been running this over and over in my head and the thought pops up, that the thing with the ball bats is a call for love. My God I just started laughing so hard I had to come down and share it. This may be one of those things that you had to be there to appreciate it, but I really enjoyed that image of them with their ball bats calling the neighborhood for love. A love call...
You just gotta love this course!w.