The Holy Relationship vs. Soul Mates

Sometimes when students of A Course in Miracles talk to me about the Holy relationship I realize that they are confusing it with the idea of “soul mate”. In fact, if I hadn’t had both experiences I think I would have a hard time understanding the distinction myself. They are completely opposite experiences. “Soul mates”, as an experience of the special relationship, is about individuality, ego, and limitation. The Holy relationship, though a special circumstance with one other that you once perceived as separate from you, extends your awareness of yourself beyond individuality to the One Spirit That is Everywhere.

In the soul mate experience you feel as though you have found your other half, or someone who completes you. You may feel that you knew them before, maybe in another life. But it’s limited to the two of you, even if it’s limited to your “souls” or spirits. What happens in the "soul mate" experience is you and another unconsciously find in each other similarities to another or others in your individual pasts, and this is why you each feel that you knew each other before. The Holy relationship, on the other hand, is a doorway into an experience of yourself as All-encompassing Spirit. It encompasses you and another only at the start, and then extends to encompass all that you perceive. You do not feel that you knew this other in another life; they are a perfect mirror of the Eternal in you. The past does not come into the Holy relationship because the ego does not come into it. It is an extension of the Oneness that you experience in the Holy Instant. The experience of “soul mates” binds you to the limitation of ego; the experience of the Holy relationship liberates you from ego.

The ego has its own version of “spirituality” and it takes many forms. The highest form it has for special relationships is the soul mate relationship because it reinforces your individuality as something that exists beyond even this material life. It teaches you that you are not whole in yourself, but that you need another to make you complete. And it reinforces time as reality in your mind. The Holy relationship, on the other hand, reminds you of your Infinite Wholeness, Which is Everywhere and Everything, and it lifts you out of time, and into Eternity.

Comments

will said…
Liz, Could you elaborate on what 'They are a perfect mirror of the eternal in you' means?

Thanks
w.
6:56 AM
ACIM Mentor said…
It's hard to convey in words, Will, but basically I saw my Self in another. Not "Liz", and not their personal self, either. I saw what you can call Christ or the Holy Spirit - either will do. This was in my mind; what the body's eyes saw did not change, but was completely overlooked by my mind. What I saw was more familiar to me than anything in the world.
12:01 PM
Sheri said…
I think you can start out thinking they are a soulmate. I had an experience like this and then the Holy Spirit transformed my thoughts. I also had a dream that I looked into a building's window (like a mirror reflection) and I saw this person's image, not my own as I "should have." In my ego, I translated that as that person being my soulmate, but as I've studied ACIM, it became clear that I was experiencing "I AM" in this relationship and that this experience has lead me to unconditionally love everyone and want to join with EVERYONE in spirit. Thus it transformed from the interpretation by ego to the holy relationship - as transformed by the Holy Spirit! Now my relationships with all my brothers feels holy, so this "special" relationship achieved its holy purpose!! : )
7:46 AM
Marina said…
You mention "What happens in the "soul mate" experience is you and another unconsciously find in each other similarities to another or others in your individual pasts..."

Making the soul mate a crucial factor in awakening. I find a soul mate is one that comes into your life with those similarities that need healing within you. The purpose of the relationship is to heal together...which then leads to leads us to the holy relationship that you describe..

"The Holy relationship, on the other hand, is a doorway into an experience of yourself as All-encompassing Spirit. It encompasses you and another only at the start, and then extends to encompass all that you perceive...

I see the gift in the soul mate concept to giving it the purpose of awakening to your true self together. Recognizing your Oneness was always there.

Blessing of Peace to You.
1:33 PM
ACIM Mentor said…
Spoken like a true ACIM student, Marina! I was referring to the soul mate experience as an end in itself. Course students know that every relationship is an experience in learning forgiveness, so every special relationship is transformed into a holy one.
4:14 PM
ACIM Mentor said…
I'm sorry you are in so much pain, Anonymous. As you said, this experience simply reveals to you what you need to heal in your mind. So it is a classroom. You will get past it and find peace.
7:47 AM
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