Ask: Where is my rudder in this ocean of thoughts?
Over many years now I have experienced the light through the Course, with intervals of seeming to fall back into darkness… To remember the warmth and Great Love from God that is in me when I write about it seems to vague out when my thoughts change back to human thoughts…It is also like living through the mirror into Alice in Wonderland’s chessboard. In these multiple sets of realities I seem to be experiencing I find it very difficult if not impossible to live as a real self let alone Self. The moment I write this Help is there, and comfort pours into me, but I seem to be so impatient for the Great Love I have known again and again and want to be in constantly. But I keep on living in a body and the cycle returns again and again…Where is my rudder in this ocean of thoughts… -T
You are describing the typical vacillations of a serious student of A Course in Miracles or any other teaching that leads to an awareness of God (Truth). You are experiencing both parts of your mind. You have accepted God into your awareness, but not wholly yet. You are still afraid of It. You still identify with the ego (personal thought system) enough that its undoing feels like your undoing. So as painful as the ego is, it is at least familiar to you, so you swing back into it. This vacillation is the whole process of undoing the ego. It is very painful in the beginning because the contrast between the pain of the ego and the peace that comes from being aware of God is so stark. It makes the darkness of the ego seem even darker. It makes the pain seem more painful because you know there is Relief. But in time God will become more real to you and the ego will become less real to you. And you will not let your perception of a world of conflict stand in the way of your awareness of God and the peace this brings to you.The Course reminds us that time closes over the experience of the Holy Instant unless we extend it into our day to day life. You do this by communing with God every day, by taking moments to practice the Holy Instant throughout the day, by making the Holy Spirit your Constant Companion, and by extending your awareness of Love to your experiences in the world. When something is ugly, tragic, or frightening, use its contrast with Love to remind you to turn inward and remember that only your experiences of the Great Love are real. These habits of bringing your mind into the present and turning it inward to God throughout the day will be your rudder. (For more on these habits see my book, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, at www.lulu.com).
Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, and 4 Habits for Inner Peace at www.acimmentor.com.
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