Ask: How do I know if I am not pursuing worldly goals because of ego stuff?
“…I am 23 years old. Since I graduated from high school I haven’t joined any… form of education…What I feel in me is this… worldly desire for finding my goal/purpose in form. It feels like I cannot be fully happy while this remains unknown for me. Like just living ordinarily doing very little in form makes me unhappy…I noticed that the stories, articles about Finding Your Purpose make me sad in a way…But the truth is that the other part of me, the truer part, wants to let go of this so called Search for my Goal. I want to eventually come to the place within me where I can be happy with less or more activity, happy with not knowing clearly my worldly purpose, just being, living, as one beloved teacher said, Being happy with the void....nothing and eventually everything.
I guess what I seek to know, How do I truly know if I am not denying this desire for activity in me, because of fear of some ego hidden stuff, by saying that I really want to let go while it may be the opposite? What should I look at truly to know the truest answer? And what could be helpful in honestly detaching from it letting it go?...” – SM
Words and thoughts can lie. But feelings cannot lie. If you want to know what you really believe then look at your feelings. Your feelings of sadness when others talk about having a goal or purpose in the world are telling you that you still believe that fulfillment comes from having a goal and a purpose in the world.
You are experiencing what many students new to a spiritual path experience. You have a new goal of Truth. But you are not yet aware enough of Truth for this awareness to fulfill you. So you want to seek for fulfillment through the self’s life in the world. This is natural at the beginning of the path.
The good news is your two goals are not mutually exclusive. You can grow your awareness of Truth as you pursue a goal and purpose in the world. In fact, you must use your experiences pursuing your interests in the world to grow your awareness of Truth. You simply have to bring your willingness to learn of Truth into every situation. You probably have already made the shift of seeing every situation as a classroom in which to learn of Truth. You will bring this point of view with you into whatever you pursue.
Your question about whether or not you are using your spirituality as an excuse to avoid taking risks and making efforts in the world is a good one. First, ask yourself if you are avoiding life in the world because you think that you “should not” have worldly desires because they are not “spiritual”. Guilt may be your only obstacle. Remember that there is no god outside of you that you have to appease by making the “right” or “spiritual” choices. There is no reason for guilt. You make the choice to be aware of Truth because you want peace.
And, again, the Teacher of Truth (Holy Spirit) within you uses every situation to teach you of Truth, if you are willing to learn. As the Truth becomes true for you, your desires and goals will evolve naturally. You will eventually find your purpose in your awareness of Truth. But that takes time, and the Teacher of Truth knows this. It meets you where you are. And where you are is still very much in the world.
But if guilt for worldly desires is not the block, or if it is only one block and you still cannot move forward when you let it go, then you need to ask yourself what else you fear pursuing whatever goal you want in the world.
Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, and 4 Habits for Inner Peace at www.acimmentor.com.
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