Ask: How can we have a healthier state of mind as we become parents?

“My husband and I are trying to get pregnant and are seeing a fertility specialist. We are having procedures done to get pregnant and I've had a miscarriage in the past. How can I keep that heartbreak from hindering my future/our future? I know that our waking life is not real, but we want to raise and love a child we created together. What can we do to create a healthier mind state as we go through this journey to hopefully become parents?” – Anonymous

            A truly healthy state of mind is one where you are aware that only God (your True Being) within you is real. When you know this you know that you are whole. You do not set up anything in the world to be your salvation. This means that you do not look to or expect anything, anyone, any situation, or any role in the world to make you whole or lastingly happy and at peace. So while you have desires, preferences, and inclinations you are not attached to satisfying them.
            When a child is wanted a miscarriage or an inability to conceive are very painful experiences. But when you are aware that only God within you is real then you experience the pain and grief of any disappointment or loss without your deep sense of well-being being affected. The pain and grief are a process through which you pass, but you do not live there.
            So as you work toward the goal of having a child, or any other goal, do not forget that you have accepted the new goal of inner peace for your life. And this goal is attained only through an awareness of God within you. Your goals in the world are now means to grow your awareness of God rather than ends in themselves (the source of your salvation). You want to invite the Holy Spirit (Teacher of Truth in your mind) into the process of attaining your goals. And you want to use any challenge or upset as a reminder to turn inward and remember that only God within you is real and eternal.
            When you look to something or someone in the world to be your salvation it or they become an idol for you. An idol is a substitute for God.  It is meant to be the source of your wholeness, happiness, and peace. One of the strongest idols that the ego (personal thought system) in your mind uses to replace the experience of God is the special relationship. In a special relationship you break down the boundaries between your personal identity and another’s in an attempt to replace the Oneness (Wholeness) of God. I mention this because you wrote that “my husband and I are trying to get pregnant”. While you and your husband are trying to have a child together and you may both be having procedures to increase the chances of this happening, only you are trying to get pregnant. Only you are risking the body’s life and health and choosing to change it for the rest of its seeming existence. Only you are going to directly experience the consequences of this. It may be just a figure of speech to say “we” are trying to get pregnant, but I want you to look to see that there is no blurring of your identity with your husband’s behind those words. It’s ironic, but to release yourself from the personal identity and know your True Being in God you must have some measure of personal self-esteem and an awareness of the boundaries of the personal identity. You need self-esteem because you will not invite God into your awareness as long as you feel unworthy of God. And you cannot release an identity that is not clearly defined because you will not understand what it is that you have to release!

If you find that you have blurred your identity with your husband you may want to look into speaking with a counselor who can help you build your identity boundaries. Then, eventually, you will find yourself free to release it and to experience the healthiest state of mind.

Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, and Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace at
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Christine said…
One can substitute the word "baby" with anything and this answer would be the same. Thanks, Liz, for your clarity.
Anonymous said…
Very insightful. Thank you Liz.

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