Ask: How can we have a healthier state of mind as we become parents?

“My husband and I are trying to get pregnant and are seeing a fertility specialist. We are having procedures done to get pregnant and I've had a miscarriage in the past. How can I keep that heartbreak from hindering my future/our future? I know that our waking life is not real, but we want to raise and love a child we created together. What can we do to create a healthier mind state as we go through this journey to hopefully become parents?” – Anonymous

            A truly healthy state of mind is one where you are aware that only God (your True Being) within you is real. When you know this you know that you are whole. You do not set up anything in the world to be your salvation. This means that you do not look to or expect anything, anyone, any situation, or any role in the world to make you whole or lastingly happy and at peace. So while you have desires, preferences, and inclinations you are not attached to satisfying them.
            When a child is wanted a miscarriage or an inability to conceive are very painful experiences. But when you are aware that only God within you is real then you experience the pain and grief of any disappointment or loss without your deep sense of well-being being affected. The pain and grief are a process through which you pass, but you do not live there.
            So as you work toward the goal of having a child, or any other goal, do not forget that you have accepted the new goal of inner peace for your life. And this goal is attained only through an awareness of God within you. Your goals in the world are now means to grow your awareness of God rather than ends in themselves (the source of your salvation). You want to invite the Holy Spirit (Teacher of Truth in your mind) into the process of attaining your goals. And you want to use any challenge or upset as a reminder to turn inward and remember that only God within you is real and eternal.
            When you look to something or someone in the world to be your salvation it or they become an idol for you. An idol is a substitute for God.  It is meant to be the source of your wholeness, happiness, and peace. One of the strongest idols that the ego (personal thought system) in your mind uses to replace the experience of God is the special relationship. In a special relationship you break down the boundaries between your personal identity and another’s in an attempt to replace the Oneness (Wholeness) of God. I mention this because you wrote that “my husband and I are trying to get pregnant”. While you and your husband are trying to have a child together and you may both be having procedures to increase the chances of this happening, only you are trying to get pregnant. Only you are risking the body’s life and health and choosing to change it for the rest of its seeming existence. Only you are going to directly experience the consequences of this. It may be just a figure of speech to say “we” are trying to get pregnant, but I want you to look to see that there is no blurring of your identity with your husband’s behind those words. It’s ironic, but to release yourself from the personal identity and know your True Being in God you must have some measure of personal self-esteem and an awareness of the boundaries of the personal identity. You need self-esteem because you will not invite God into your awareness as long as you feel unworthy of God. And you cannot release an identity that is not clearly defined because you will not understand what it is that you have to release!

If you find that you have blurred your identity with your husband you may want to look into speaking with a counselor who can help you build your identity boundaries. Then, eventually, you will find yourself free to release it and to experience the healthiest state of mind.

>>>>>
Learn about the books The ACIM Mentor Articles, The Plain Language A Course in Miracles, 4 Habits for Inner Peace, and Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace at www.acimmentor.com.
If you have a question the answer to which you think will help others send it to Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered in the ACIM Mentor Newsletter/Blog.

Comments

Christine said…
One can substitute the word "baby" with anything and this answer would be the same. Thanks, Liz, for your clarity.
6:37 AM
Anonymous said…
Very insightful. Thank you Liz.
9:10 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ask: What is meant by "extend Love"?

I wonder exactly what is meant by "extend love" or how one extends love. Is it a loving intention toward the person, or a wish for them, or what? Can you give an example? – JO “Extending love” means replacing unloving thoughts in your mind with the awareness of Love in your mind. For example, your peace of mind is disturbed while watching something on television. Your peace is gone because you believe that what you see is reality. You extend Love in this situation by turning inward to Truth (God), feeling Love’s Presence within you, and remembering that It, not the images appearing, is What is Real. It may take you a while to accept that only your own thoughts cause you pain. So at first you may feel that you need to extend Love “out there” to the images that seem to be causing you pain. Or you may extend Love to another who is sharing their painful story with you. You can do this by imagining the situation or the person in a Loving Light. Or you may use some other image to
Read more

If the World Isn't Real, Why Ask For Guidance?

Every now and then a student asks me why they should follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance if the world isn’t real and if it has nothing to do with God. What difference does it make how you live in the world, then? All that you made can serve salvation easily and well. The Son of God can make no choice the Holy Spirit cannot employ on his behalf, and not against himself. (T-25.VI.7) The world is your perception that you are separate from God. Calling on the Holy Spirit to guide you in it corrects this misperception. You are no longer separate from God when you are following the Holy Spirit. What you ask the Holy Spirit and what the Holy Sprit answers is not important. What is important is that you asked and that you accepted an answer . When you follow the Holy Spirit the purpose of every circumstance becomes a means to be with the Holy Spirit. The world that was made to make separation from God real to you becomes a means of remembering you are One with God. It doesn’t matter to God ho
Read more

More on Emotional Satisfaction or Freedom

Last week’s article ( http://acimmentor.blogspot.com/2017/02/emotional-satisfaction-or-freedom.html ) about the two possible approaches to spirituality and how one way to characterize them is the pursuit of emotional satisfaction for the self or transcending the self led to a lot of comments and questions that I will try to clear up here. (The article was a follow-up to two other articles I had written on the same topic. Some of the questions readers had could be answered in those earlier articles and links were provided in last week’s article. If you still have questions I suggest reading those as well as last week’s article for a fuller look at the topic). The emotional satisfaction I wrote about in the last article was not referring to what one seeks in relation to others. It was referring to the desire for an emotional connection with Truth (God) that one would characterize as “warm”. I was highlighting how which goal we pursue in spirituality can often be revealed by the
Read more