"Dying" and Being Reborn in Spirit
He thought he learned willingness, but now he sees that he does not know what the willingness is for. (T-4.I.A.7)
Nothing prepared this mind for dropping the ego (personal thought system). (http://acimmentor.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-ego-has-fallen.html). When it happened I was prepared to handle it, but not for the specific nature of the process I was to go through. That is unique to each mind, because each mind has its own distinct expectations, structures, and habits to undo. The shock and the need for ensuing adjustments, however, do seem universal.
The “life” in this mind before last summer when the Golden Light came to stay is over. It was not really a “life”, but a misidentification. So to the part of this mind that was identified with the self (body/personality) and ego (personal thought system), it is as though it “died”. I was very amused to find at the end of May that I wrote an article at the end of April saying the ego falling away is not frightening. I didn’t remember writing it, although I just had! And boy did I write too soon. I was not yet facing the identifier’s “oh, my god, I’m already dead” shock. When the Love and Light of the Holy relationship came to this mind, the identifier felt it was facing its own death. A death that had already occurred.
It is true that I was prepared to handle this after thirty-four years. My awareness of Truth and detachment from the ego/self meant I was detaching from the part of me that identified with it. So I experienced fear in only part of me. It came nowhere near overwhelming me. But, oy, was it uncomfortable! To look at the fear of fears and undo it, I had to experience it head-on. Again and again and again. Of course, once I realized what was occurring (about three weeks in), it got a lot easier. It’s always helpful to know what you’re facing.
The fear was very distorting. It was also misdirecting. It seemed to point to causes other than the ego’s fear of death, which the identifier took on as its own. But once I caught on, and would remind myself each time the fear arose what was really going on, the distortion diminished and the fear shrunk. It wasn’t my fear, after all.
For this mind there is a distinct dividing line in its relationship to the projected self called “Liz”. The narrative of Liz as its identity ended and does not continue on into the new Life. Liz-as-identity “died”, if you want to call it that, nearly four years ago. This was followed by a “dead zone” of shock for three and a half years. (The zombie years?) And, last August, a new Life, or Perception, was born when the Golden Light came to stay in this mind. This Life is only of the mind. It recognizes that the self called “Liz” is just a projection; an effect. This mind “died” to ego and has been reborn in Spirit/Mind. I cannot express how completely different it is in this mind.
Of course, nothing’s died. An idea—ego—was put aside. There is no death. The Life that has come to illuminate this mind is immortal. And the body is only an expression that truly will, as A Course in Miracles says, be simply put aside one day. If I had a death, it’s already occurred. There is no more death to face.
A mentor is someone who walks the path ahead of you. If you want to benefit from my experience, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
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