Why the Mystical Holy Relationship Threatens the Ego
Thirty-four years ago I experienced my first mystical Holy
relationship. I knew then that the Holy relationship, if allowed to become
fulfilled, would result in a 180 degree turn in my experience of a personal
relationship. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what I was seeing. I couldn’t
have said then that it corrected cause and effect. But I did sense it would
undo something fundamental to the ego’s (personal thought system’s) way of
perceiving. And at that time that was my
way of perceiving.
In the mystical Holy relationship, instead of seeing another
as the source (cause) of Love (effect), you recognize Love is the Source
(cause) of your relationship (effect) with the other. Sounds great, doesn’t it?
And it is! It is Joyous for a relationship that expresses Love to show up. But therein lies the threat to the ego: The relationship
is simply here, already whole and complete. The ego teaches you to make relationships to get Love and/or to
express your personal desires and values.
A Course in Miracles
teaches that relationships are special love, special hate, or Holy. A special
relationship is an obstacle to peace. In a special love relationship you
believe the other is the source of Love (Wholeness) for you. It is why you make
the relationship with them. You are not just attached to them through affection
and familiarity. You cling to them
because you feel that to lose them is to lose the source of Love. You panic at
the thought of losing them.
In the special hate relationship peace is blocked because you
cling to the idea that you are the victim of the other. You hold onto the other
through resentments. Often, a special relationship is both love and hate.
But you probably have plenty of personal relationships that
are not special. They are not obstacles to peace. You know that the other is
not the source of Love for you. You form the relationship through personal
desire or values, but you use it as a classroom in which you grow your
awareness of Truth. You bring the Holy Spirit (Awareness of Truth within you)
into your relationship with the other. These relationships are practical Holy relationships. Where
special relationships confuse cause and effect—another is seen as the source of
Love—the practical Holy relationship is a step toward correcting this error.
You use the relationship to remind yourself that Love is within you.
But no real shift occurs until you experience the mystical
Holy relationship. The mystical Holy relationship is an expression of the Love
within you. Love Itself, not your personal desires or values, is the Source of
the relationship. You and another recognize your joining, your Oneness, is
already established. There is nothing to seek for or to make in the
relationship. Ah, and therein is the threat to the ego! The Cause of the
relationship is Something Else within you, not your personal needs or values.
Oh, some of these might get met and expressed, but they’re not the motivation
for the relationship. In fact, personal motivation, something else you make, is
also not part of the mystical Holy relationship. The mystical Holy relationship
expresses Love through persons, but is not made to express the personal. So,
when you are ego-identified, you feel the Holy relationship asks you to
sacrifice your desires and values.
“... The conflict
between the goal and the structure of the relationship is so apparent that they
cannot coexist. Yet now the goal will not be changed. Set firmly in the unholy
relationship, there is no course except to change the relationship to fit the
goal. Until this happy solution is seen and accepted as the only way out of the
conflict, the relationship may seem to be severely strained.” (T-17.V.4)
“…You can escape from
your distress only by getting rid of your brother. You need not part entirely
if you choose not to do so. But you must exclude major areas of fantasy from
your brother, to save your sanity. Hear not this now.” (T-17.V.7)
The threat to the ego is why the urge to flee the Holy relationship
is so strong. Maybe you won’t run completely. But you try to find ways to
control it or to “make” it as you are used to making relationships. You
complain that the relationship and/or the other are not what you want. You try
to impose your values and expectations on the relationship. And they don’t fit!
Not because they are wrong. But because that is not what the relationship is
about.
Finally, I see clearly what I could not see thirty-four
years ago: A relationship as an expression
rather than a means to a personal end. I felt the threat and I sensed, but
could not understand, the reverse of cause and effect the mystical Holy
relationship would bring about. Now I do not feel threatened and I am willing
to let it teach me What I am by What is expressed through it.
>>>>>
If you want to benefit from my
experience and perhaps lighten your process, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com
to set up an appointment for mentoring. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
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As requested by a few
readers, Releasing Guilt for Inner
Peace, is
now available in paperback as well as in digital formats. You can order a
paperback book here . To
learn more about this book, click here.
Some of you may be interested in
the book that came through me when the Golden Light came into my mind last
summer (learn more here). It is not a spiritual book at all, just an ordinary lesbian love
story, so it's not to everyone's taste! It is called A Good Woman and
it is now available on Kindle. Paperback coming soon. Learn more at www.lizcronkhite.net.
Comments
and liz, thank you for this: ".... and i am willing to let it (the H R) teach me what i am through it." this prayer of words describes the unfolding i am being Guided into. again, He speaks to me through you. in endless gratitude, n
How does the learning continue? Is the ladder moved? I know I am jumping ahead, and my ego may be saying “you are never going to graduate” This is not a concern about what happens when I die ( where learning may we’ll be much faster without s body) but rather not be able to live long enough to overcome the world and the ego which is the norm. I am curious how you look on this.
I often laugh to myself when I look upon not-Truth and say ...talk about looking for love in all the wrong places. I look fowarrd to reading about your Australia experience.
What Frances said and how Liz responded has been on my mind for a few days. When “I” would study the course there was a goal in mind. I will use the word “enlightenment” since we are familiar where that word is pointing. There has been a tendency to measure my progress against what Liz has experienced. For instance, I haven’t experienced the Holy Relationship and since that ‘is required’ then I am not progressing up the ladder. (I am trying to keep this as simple as possible as I write). So, this leads to “why am I not experiencing revelations or higher miracles.”
This is something that rears its ugly head periodically and I get on a jag about the course not doing what it says it will do… I have gone through this so many times with Liz and just generally complaining about it on the blog. It is old stuff but works for the ego’s purposes; periodically.
Liz replies, “Francis, you are living in an expression of the moment of the-idea-of-not-Truth/the undoing of the-idea-of-not-Truth.” So, what does that mean? A few days ago, I asked Liz to tell me what was going on in her head since she is no longer Liz, no long has that identity. She said in effect she is “living in an expression of the moment.” Not her exact words of course but it is what I understood her to be saying. And then the kicker, as she writes, “It is not everyone's role to realize this stuff” and then ends it with, “find instead the flow of the universe and you will find your role.”
What is happened when I read that was a slipstream moment. I’m thinking, ‘this worrying about spiritual experiences and even more BELIEVING I KNOW THE PATH I AM ON IN STUDYING THE COURSE, is really an impediment.’ As is completely understandable, I often think of the course like a school course, or a course in learning some specific skill. The course has laid out the goals any number of times and I measure myself on whether I am making progress towards those goals.