Why the Mystical Holy Relationship Threatens the Ego

Thirty-four years ago I experienced my first mystical Holy relationship. I knew then that the Holy relationship, if allowed to become fulfilled, would result in a 180 degree turn in my experience of a personal relationship. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what I was seeing. I couldn’t have said then that it corrected cause and effect. But I did sense it would undo something fundamental to the ego’s (personal thought system’s) way of perceiving. And at that time that was my way of perceiving.

In the mystical Holy relationship, instead of seeing another as the source (cause) of Love (effect), you recognize Love is the Source (cause) of your relationship (effect) with the other. Sounds great, doesn’t it? And it is! It is Joyous for a relationship that expresses Love to show up.  But therein lies the threat to the ego: The relationship is simply here, already whole and complete. The ego teaches you to make relationships to get Love and/or to express your personal desires and values.

A Course in Miracles teaches that relationships are special love, special hate, or Holy. A special relationship is an obstacle to peace. In a special love relationship you believe the other is the source of Love (Wholeness) for you. It is why you make the relationship with them. You are not just attached to them through affection and familiarity. You cling to them because you feel that to lose them is to lose the source of Love. You panic at the thought of losing them.

In the special hate relationship peace is blocked because you cling to the idea that you are the victim of the other. You hold onto the other through resentments. Often, a special relationship is both love and hate.

But you probably have plenty of personal relationships that are not special. They are not obstacles to peace. You know that the other is not the source of Love for you. You form the relationship through personal desire or values, but you use it as a classroom in which you grow your awareness of Truth. You bring the Holy Spirit (Awareness of Truth within you) into your relationship with the other. These relationships are practical Holy relationships. Where special relationships confuse cause and effect—another is seen as the source of Love—the practical Holy relationship is a step toward correcting this error. You use the relationship to remind yourself that Love is within you.

But no real shift occurs until you experience the mystical Holy relationship. The mystical Holy relationship is an expression of the Love within you. Love Itself, not your personal desires or values, is the Source of the relationship. You and another recognize your joining, your Oneness, is already established. There is nothing to seek for or to make in the relationship. Ah, and therein is the threat to the ego! The Cause of the relationship is Something Else within you, not your personal needs or values. Oh, some of these might get met and expressed, but they’re not the motivation for the relationship. In fact, personal motivation, something else you make, is also not part of the mystical Holy relationship. The mystical Holy relationship expresses Love through persons, but is not made to express the personal. So, when you are ego-identified, you feel the Holy relationship asks you to sacrifice your desires and values.

“... The conflict between the goal and the structure of the relationship is so apparent that they cannot coexist. Yet now the goal will not be changed. Set firmly in the unholy relationship, there is no course except to change the relationship to fit the goal. Until this happy solution is seen and accepted as the only way out of the conflict, the relationship may seem to be severely strained.” (T-17.V.4)

“…You can escape from your distress only by getting rid of your brother. You need not part entirely if you choose not to do so. But you must exclude major areas of fantasy from your brother, to save your sanity. Hear not this now.” (T-17.V.7)

The threat to the ego is why the urge to flee the Holy relationship is so strong. Maybe you won’t run completely. But you try to find ways to control it or to “make” it as you are used to making relationships. You complain that the relationship and/or the other are not what you want. You try to impose your values and expectations on the relationship. And they don’t fit! Not because they are wrong. But because that is not what the relationship is about.

Finally, I see clearly what I could not see thirty-four years ago: A relationship as an expression rather than a means to a personal end. I felt the threat and I sensed, but could not understand, the reverse of cause and effect the mystical Holy relationship would bring about. Now I do not feel threatened and I am willing to let it teach me What I am by What is expressed through it.

If you want to benefit from my experience and perhaps lighten your process, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment for mentoring. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.

If you have a question the answer to which you think will help others email it to me at Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered in the newsletter/blog.

As requested by a few readers, Releasing Guilt for Inner Peace, is now available in paperback as well as in digital formats. You can order a paperback book here . To learn more about this book, click here.
Some of you may be interested in the book that came through me when the Golden Light came into my mind last summer (learn more here). It is not a spiritual book at all, just an ordinary lesbian love story, so it's not to everyone's taste! It is called A Good Woman and it is now available on Kindle. Paperback coming soon. Learn more at www.lizcronkhite.net.


jonart said…
Interesting, reading in Chapter 18, Ladder to Heaven, para 3..."Through your holy relationship, reborn and blessed in every holy instant which you did not arrange, thousands will rise to Heaven with you." Thank you and the Holy Spirit::)))
nicci said…
thank you jonart.
and liz, thank you for this: ".... and i am willing to let it (the H R) teach me what i am through it." this prayer of words describes the unfolding i am being Guided into. again, He speaks to me through you. in endless gratitude, n
Francis said…
Very well put. Liz what do you think takes place when the fire alarm goes off in the middle of a holy relationship class and you are forced to file out of the classroom we call the world? We physically leave the world very prematurely before the lesson of the Holy Relationship sets in.
How does the learning continue? Is the ladder moved? I know I am jumping ahead, and my ego may be saying “you are never going to graduate” This is not a concern about what happens when I die ( where learning may we’ll be much faster without s body) but rather not be able to live long enough to overcome the world and the ego which is the norm. I am curious how you look on this.
ACIM Mentor said…
Francis, you are living in an expression of the moment of the-idea-of-not-Truth/the undoing of the-idea-of-not-Truth. It is not everyone's role to realize this stuff. Rather than trying to attain something, which it may not be your role to play, find instead the flow of the universe and you will find your role.
Francis said…
Thank you foe snapping me back into perspective. I still loose site from time to time on my role to commune with Truth and find that flow. Furthermore you are correct it’s not everyone’s role to realize this. This is definitely not for everyone, but everyone is helping me undo not-Truth, and I am grateful.
I often laugh to myself when I look upon not-Truth and say ...talk about looking for love in all the wrong places. I look fowarrd to reading about your Australia experience.
nicci said…
francis, thank you for asking this question. endless Love, n
will said…

What Frances said and how Liz responded has been on my mind for a few days. When “I” would study the course there was a goal in mind. I will use the word “enlightenment” since we are familiar where that word is pointing. There has been a tendency to measure my progress against what Liz has experienced. For instance, I haven’t experienced the Holy Relationship and since that ‘is required’ then I am not progressing up the ladder. (I am trying to keep this as simple as possible as I write). So, this leads to “why am I not experiencing revelations or higher miracles.”
This is something that rears its ugly head periodically and I get on a jag about the course not doing what it says it will do… I have gone through this so many times with Liz and just generally complaining about it on the blog. It is old stuff but works for the ego’s purposes; periodically.

Liz replies, “Francis, you are living in an expression of the moment of the-idea-of-not-Truth/the undoing of the-idea-of-not-Truth.” So, what does that mean? A few days ago, I asked Liz to tell me what was going on in her head since she is no longer Liz, no long has that identity. She said in effect she is “living in an expression of the moment.” Not her exact words of course but it is what I understood her to be saying. And then the kicker, as she writes, “It is not everyone's role to realize this stuff” and then ends it with, “find instead the flow of the universe and you will find your role.”

What is happened when I read that was a slipstream moment. I’m thinking, ‘this worrying about spiritual experiences and even more BELIEVING I KNOW THE PATH I AM ON IN STUDYING THE COURSE, is really an impediment.’ As is completely understandable, I often think of the course like a school course, or a course in learning some specific skill. The course has laid out the goals any number of times and I measure myself on whether I am making progress towards those goals.

ACIM Mentor said…
Ah, Will, yes indeed thinking you know is an impediment! Also, you are measuring yourself by goals set for another. Remember when reading ACIM it was first and foremost for Helen in her Holy relationship with Bill. It will not unfold for you as it did for her. Not all of Helen's obstacles are everyone's obstacles. Not everyone will have Helen's experiences. Even when you do, you may not have them in the same form or the same way. You can try to apply specifics, but when they don't fit, generalize.

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