The Shift in "I"
My experience of “I” has changed. I no longer experience my motivations and actions as coming from a limited, personal, autonomous place. I used to feel “I” was an independent thread in a tapestry of other independent threads. Now I experience “I” as the Tapestry expressing Itself through this thread.
A Course in Miracles says you cannot know What you are in yourself alone. This means you cannot understand yourself as only one thread in the Tapestry. You are the Tapestry as a whole expressing as a single thread.
ACIM speaks in terms of your relationships with others, but, for me, even the way I read that for a long time was limiting. Not yet able to allow the Tapestry to express through me, I tried to understand the Tapestry one thread (relationship) at a time, and it didn’t work. I was relating at the level of the thread rather than at the level of the Tapestry.
The mystical Holy Relationship with another has been my way into understanding this. A mystical Holy Relationship is experienced with Spiritual Vision. On the surface, it appears as though one thread is relating to another thread. But in relating with Spiritual Vision to another, each thread becomes aware it is not isolated or autonomous. It is not even part of the Tapestry; it is the Tapestry Itself. The entire Tapestry is contained in a Holy Relationship. In what seems to be a singular relationship in a plurality of relationships I experience the One Relationship. In other words, a Holy Relationship is never just two threads in the Tapestry. It is the Tapestry expressing Itself as those two threads. It is the whole Tapestry.
I can no longer distinguish “I” from anyone or anything else. When I am centered, I feel I am with everyone. Not just my loved ones and not just those near me or whom I can see. But everyone, everywhere. The whole Tapestry. And I feel available to everyone, everywhere if I am moved to be there for them. But I have no personal motivation to be there for anyone because everything is unfolding perfectly. Any action I am moved to make is part of the perfect unfolding. And this is not something I discern from the personal level.
In this state, I am detached from the personal level with others because I am with everyone on the other level. I am actually detached from the personal level in me. This is why some refer to spiritual awareness as “lonely” at the personal level. You do not relate person-to-person. You do not even relate Spirit to Spirit as there is only one Spirit. You are simply Spirit.