Truth Rising to Conscious Awareness


I recently read Jan Frazier’s, “When Fear Falls Away”. She asked for fear to be removed and woke up the next morning to find the ego (personal thought system) gone. Then she went on to write about the effects of this and all that it taught her about her mind before and after. Reading her experience validated mine, and though my experience is unfolding in a very different way, her story has helped me to understand mine better.
I didn’t have a sudden awakening where I consciously recognized what had happened. In fact, some of what she realized after her sudden shift in awareness I have realized slowly over the past few years. For me, the experience of the ego (personal thought system) falling away has been a slow dawning on my conscious mind that this has occurred. It is as if, when it comes to my conscious awareness, what she realized suddenly has been dawning in slow motion.
I’ve only realized in the past few months how new things are in this mind and for how long they have been so. It was over four years ago that the ego fell away and for a long time I was only dimly aware of new experiences and a new way of seeing. Much of this was chronicled in these articles at the time. I simply did not realize how significant the shift was because I didn’t have a conscious moment of stark contrast where I could say “yesterday I saw that way; today I see this way”.
In August of 2017 things did shift consciously for me when the Golden Light came into my conscious awareness. At the time I thought It was signaling something new coming, not the dawning in my conscious awareness of what had already occurred unconsciously. I’ve written a lot in the past couple of years about how, as spiritual students, we put too much emphasis on what happens at the conscious level. We shift unconsciously toward Peace and we don’t know how much until we face something that makes us aware. I thought I was writing from my past experiences of discovering this. I didn’t realize I was writing about what was going on with me at the time!
I finally caught on earlier this year that the ego had fallen when I was moved to make a radical transformation in my outer life. As I dismantled my outer life I was aware of old habits of thinking that still hung around in my conscious awareness. An echo of the ego is still showing up as shallow, knew-jerk responses that are quickly resolved, but that are clearly still here in my conscious mind. I simply have not let go of turning into the void where the ego was to ask it who I am, what things means, how I should respond, etc. And this is how I make its echo. When I look deeper, however, the bottom drops out, and I cannot find the actual ego.
I have rolling insights throughout every day that signal to me how close I am to the Awareness of Truth. Insights and shifts (miracles) are not stepping stones to Truth, but are the evidence that Truth is in my mind. They are the effects of Light dispelling darkness in my mind. However, their result is only to spiritualize the personal experience. They shift my personal experience, but they do not transcend it.
I have moments, hours, days, of transcending self-identification in conscious awareness, but I do not stay there, so I have not yet transcended it completely. It is like the thinnest thread is still tied to self-identification. I feel so close that I cannot imagine it won’t fall away, too. However, I also accept that perhaps that’s not my role to play. I am aware now that I am a part of something larger that lives through me. I am not independent of it. It may well be that, for this mind, at the conscious level, for whatever reason, it never will totally drop self-identification.

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If you want to benefit from my experience and lighten your process, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment for mentoring. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.

Comments

nicci said…
thank you liz.

i wonder if the echoing of ego occurs because false identification with it has a long developed momentum that still arises even after it is no longer believed in ...

and thank you for reminding me about trusting what is happening beneath my conscious awareness.
yes.

endless Love, n
ACIM Mentor said…
Nicci, what I have been watching in sloooow motion is my mind choose to go back to the echo. It's baffling, because I will be in a place of Wholeness and then wonder how things would look from the echo and scurry back to it. It may be a habit of asking the ego who I am, what to think, etc. Of course I find a void there, so I end up making the echo. I fail to see the value in this to me. Maybe it is just a habit that will wind down. But I tell ya, I have seen every possible fear and motivation for choosing the ego, and I've also seen through all of them. So if I ever do cross the line and stay there, I will have thoroughly seen my choices, and could have no doubt about the one I made. It seems there is going to be no stone unturned in this mind!
nicci said…
liz,

have you also then been able to watch in slow motion the knee jerk moments of echo that have arisen?

perhaps this is an exercise in returning briefly for the purpose of looking back on where you no longer are, for a deepening awareness and perspective of Where you are now...

HS has been helping me unearth within (beyond reading and study) several reasons for aligning with a finite self - the ego, and is helping me to see beyond them ~ all through the practice of extending forgiveness.

thank you again for your role in supporting this journey. endless L, n
ACIM Mentor said…
No, Nicci, the echo's reactions are swift and often disproportionate. But I had a HUGE breakthrough regarding this yesterday and I am interested in seeing how things fall away now.

I no longer think anything happens for a purpose. Unless, of course, I recognize that everything is part of the Undoing (Atonement). But to really understand why something happened the way it did I'd have to be at the very end of the unfolding and see how it fit in. I prefer to say this is just how it is happening.
nicci said…
what a profound statement of trust; somehow it has given strength to mine. . .

thank you once more. n
Unknown said…
I think the Course says that 'the ego'(the self) is the idea of being a (separate) body - and when we have let TOTALLY go of the belief in that THE BODY WON'T BE SUSTAINED FOR LONG ...
So, no wonder you haven't let go completely of the self yet, Liz ... None of us have ... (and we are not willing/ready to ;-) )
Love and merry Christmas to everyONE <3
Deb said…
Amazing. Somehow this journey of awakening raises a memory in this mind of traversing Mount Washington and the moment beyond the tree line when clouds roll in, unable to see what's ahead and nothing to hold onto but trust.

Moving in trust I share this metaphor that somehow seems appropriate; about alpine trees . . .

An alpine tree line is the highest elevation that sustains trees. The alpine tree line is a transition zone which occurs "near" the top of the tallest peak.

Gentle steps leading above and beyond.

Peace to all, Deb



Anonymous said…
Liz, although I love reading about your experiences, I wonder if part of your ego thread is blogging because it seems you would have to keep checking in with your ego.
ACIM Mentor said…
Bente, again I recommend reading Jan Frazier's book. She writes very lucidly about living without an ego. It's simply a whole other way of seeing that has nothing to do with whether or not a mind still projects a body.
ACIM Mentor said…
Yes, Anonymous, this is how I make the echo, as I explained in my response to Nicci.
nicci said…
liz,

i returned this morning to another careful reading of your blog, and fell into the last two paragraphs. i recognize that the miracles occurring in my mind (through the joining with my Inner Teacher and experiencing of forgiveness) do not transcend the personal self. there does seem to be a strengthening of my identification with this Inner Presence i feel guiding me, and they do seem to be preparing my mind for something though.... would you say this is a reasonable assumption?

maintaining a belief in separation from others is softening, and a...... what word to use... inner vastness ... is seeping into the edges. i seem to be hearing to come empty to Him.. hesitated to write this, but trust you understand.

in gratitude, n

deb,

i remember well the rushes of high i've experienced crossing tree lines in the mountains. reading your comment i realize that experiencing miracle mindedness through forgiving is also a high.

metaphors are powerful tools for me. thank you, dearheart, for this wonderful one. it has taken hold of my imagination this morning. n



Anonymous said…
It is all but a dream...
nicci said…
... yes anon, as ACIM students we know this. may we use it well and with generous hearts.
Deb said…
Your grace of gentleness radiates Nicci. It seems you are mirroring the place from where I am looking. "It's" being revealed, vaster. When refex goes back to habit of person, well it's like wearing a tight suit without spandex. Ha! Mind becoming quiet, freeing concepts and beliefs. I can describe it as once a journey, now a mysterious voyage. Grace guiding the ship.

Blessings, Deb
Deb said…
and, for full disclosure, there have been those hulk type rages along the way. They seemed necessary to bust out of that suit.

Peace loves
Deb said…
oops, maybe "exposure" is the word. Ha ha, oh my.
nicci said…
deb,
this morning we are joined in Love, and the fear in my mind is diminished.
in endless Gratitude friend, n
Deb said…
Yes, I am here. The fear rises, gets looked at and abates, like those bubbles made when dipping a ring into a pan of liquid, swishing and swinging through the air, watched as it floats for a time, then pops.

Lately learning about fear, I asked, "what am I afraid of" and heard, "not being in control of my destiny". Then I heard recently spoken by Mooji, "the nature of fear is to control and suppress."

Joined in Love, I choose too.
Christine said…
Liz, did you write "knee-jerk"reaction instead of knee-jerk on purpose, because it totally works in your post!
Christine said…
Knew-jerk
Atmos said…
I was only 20 years old when during a silent retreat with an Advaita Vedanta teacher the ego fell away and with it the whole world for several months. Then it returned and "I" struggled my whole life to get back to the state of ego-lessness. Of course, it was only the ego, that wanted to get rid of itself... Thoughts trying to kill themselves...

That being said, your writing belongs to the most clear and ego-less ones I've read in my whole life - and this is a lot.
I sense ego and especially the spiritualized version when I see/read it and most of your writing has been crystal clear like drinking from a pristine waterfall in the Himalayas. So I'm a huge fan :))

Only since you began to write about "your ego falling away" some weeks ago and declared yourself ego-free, I read only ego in your posts. It is always the ego, that wonders whether it has fallen away or not and not the true self.
I can only say "been there - done that", but maybe this made me especially sensible in recognizing the spiritual ego at work.

So I return to your earlier writings now and enjoy them.
ACIM Mentor said…
Nicci - Ha! No, it was a Freudian slip!
will said…
Ego wanting to get rid of itself? Thoughts wanting to kill themselves?
Atmos, I think there may be an error in your conceptulization? It may be me misunderstanding? Can you enlarge on what your saying? Thanks.
will said…
Atmos, You did give me food for thought. Such a large part of "what I know" is from books and the like. I read it, understand it and by some kind of very fast osmosis make it mine. My understanding of ACIM is like that. I read it or hear something and later it pops up in my head as information. I think the HS is involved because some of the stuff is beyond my abilities when it resurfaces. Merry Christmas.
Atmos said…
Dear Will,

It is always only the ego that wants to get rid of the ego or cares if it is gone. By itself it is nothing and all the talk about "the ego falling away" is only the (spiritual) ego talking for me. It's a thought, that wants to get rid of thoughts - like a dog chasing its tail.
That's all I wanted to say. There is no relationship between truth and words in the end.

..and about your experience with books: I know what you mean and I mostly experience it the other way. I have the experience first and afterward, I read someone expressing it or find myself writing words that try to express it. However it may be, words are only a medium and the true message lies in the stillness between them...

Love,

Atmos
will said…
It’s the Slipstream. For me anyway. It comes to me that what Liz has been talking about is happening to me. The Awareness that I am continuing to think of the processes in my mind in the same way I always have and that’s over. The Holy Spirit is a much stronger influence now. It is almost like this continuing to understand myself as in the past keeps me from realizing what is going on. Things falling away…
will said…
Just for clarity, the old way of thinking is still there. I just became aware of the change and didn't make some kind of spiritual leap! More like I am aware of a process.
Deb said…
For me too Will. Thank you for this reflection. A comfort that what I was interpteting, "my experience" is the Slipstream, yes, including the unsettling stuff.

I picked up a book I've been digesting in small doses titled "A Mind At Home With Itself" by Byron Katie, her latest. She shares her experience of awakeneding. In it includes a sampling of "The Work" and empowering insights from an awakened mind along with excerpts of the Diamond Sutra.

Love and Peace
laurie said…
Another great story of awakening, besides the one I usually give a shout out for by David Carse (Perfect, Brilliant Stillness) is a book by Yolande Duran-Seranno. A wonderful read for sure, but I am particularly reminded of it because of Jan Frazier's newsletter last week that talks about awakened parenting. If I recall in Yolande's book, just weeks after her realization that she had awakened, she found out that her young adult son had just died in a motor accident. Both of them were living in France at the time I think. She describes her experience simply but profoundly. Excellent descriptions by both Jan and Yolande about what an awakened life looks like.

Good to know for if I ever get there......

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