One Will, Either Way
Last week I wrote about how fear is simply the experience of what I call the “little will”. I wrote how I used to think I was afraid “of” something, but I’ve discovered that fear is really just another experience. It is the experience that is the opposite of Love.
Love is the condition of Being. It is an experience of abundant wholeness and peace and happiness. Being is effortlessly willed. The little will, however, is a bit of Will exerted in opposition of Being/Will. You can recognize it by the sense of effort it requires.
When I am fearful or feeling any of its many manifestations (anxiety, anger, depression, etc.) I simply remind myself that the feeling is not the point. What’s really going on is I’m exerting the little will. How empowering this is! It helps me to see that there’s really no difference between the experience of Love and the experience of ego (personal thought system) because the mind and will behind them are the same.
I am not weak when I’m afraid. In fact, the power of the fear I experience is my own power. For years I felt it was impossible to overcome the ego (personal thought system) because I was sensing the power of my own will behind it. My will is so strong it can hold off What is—Love.
I thought I feared Love. But, no. I exert my will in favor of fear over Love. I am then, fearful, yes, but not because of Love or anything I believe about Love. I am fearful because I will fear.
I certainly could never have seen this when guilt was real to me. In guilt I felt the ego was bad or wrong and my exerting my will as it dictated was a “sin”. I would never have observed myself exerting my will in favor of fear and felt empowered by it! Guilt was the exertion of the little will that kept the little will hidden, which is why, for this mind, guilt had to go before the ego did.
So the winding down of the ego that I am experiencing brings with it the recognition that I have exerted my will in favor of fear. And sometimes, habitually, I still do so. So what? Fear is just an experience opposed to Love that I made and I am free to choose.