Ask: I am very depressed. Can you help me endure?
263) “… I am feeling very depressed right now about lack of money and about losing my job, and about trying to just get by. I am taking an anti-depressant medicine for years now, which has helped. Now I feel like I don’t feel that I want to go on. I am trying to bring my ego issues to Jesus/Holy Spirit to look at them with Truth. But my money worries pop up. Just now I realized that another pipe has broken and I am at my wit’s end.
…I see these passages about depression (copied below) and I am in despair. What is the Text really saying about depression? I don’t have any hope that I can find my way out. What is the Course saying about depression when it feels real and painful to me like a bad long term illness? I wonder if ending my life now in this horrible dead-end world would be a solution. Here are passages that confuse me if Jesus/Holy Spirit wants me to look beyond this 3D world. My meditation focus words have been lately: “God is. Nothing else is.” If depression is nothing, am I a confused Course student? Am I to just endure and wait for the depression to go away someday? Can you help me endure?…
T-4.IV.3. ‘When you are sad, know this need not be. Depression comes from a sense of being deprived of something you want and do not have. Remember that you are deprived of nothing except by your own decisions, and then decide otherwise.’
T-8.VII.1. ‘When you equate yourself with a body you will always experience depression.’
T-8.VII.8. ‘There is nothing so frustrating to a learner as a curriculum he cannot learn. His sense of adequacy suffers, and he must become depressed. Being faced with an impossible learning situation is the most depressing thing in the world. In fact, it is ultimately why the world itself is depressing. The Holy Spirit's curriculum is never depressing, because it is a curriculum of joy. Whenever the reaction to learning is depression, it is because the true goal of the curriculum has been lost sight of.’
T-8.VII.13. ‘The opposite of joy is depression. When your learning promotes depression instead of joy, you cannot be listening to God's joyous Teacher and learning His lessons.’” – SS (May 17, 2019)
If you are truly feeling suicidal, please call (in the US) 1-800-suicide, go to your local emergency room, or see a mental health professional. Depression is a pernicious, self-perpetuating disease. There is always a way out of it. Do not let it convince you otherwise.
You are not being asked by the Holy Spirit (Awareness of Truth in your mind) to endure. Here’s another quote from A Course in Miracles:
“God has no secrets. He does not lead you through a world of misery, waiting to tell you, at the journey's end, why He did this to you.” (T-22.I.3)
All the quotes you offered were for someone experiencing a depression that did not have a brain chemical origin. They all say the same thing: When you are depressed you are listening to the ego (personal thought system).
Some people have a genetic propensity to depression. It runs in their family and they may need medication throughout their life to deal with it. Others have a situational depression that passes on its own, through talk-therapy, or techniques learned through self-help programs (like ACIM, 12-steps, meditation, etc). Sometimes, however, a situational depression leads to chemical changes in one’s brain and they need to be on medication for a short while. In any case, whatever its source, depression leads to dark thoughts, which leads to more depression, which leads to more dark thoughts, and on and on. You want to work on your thinking (therapy; self-help) to get the most out of any antidepressant medication.
You say you have been on antidepressants and they have helped, but it sounds like you are not being helped by them now. You should probably consult with your prescribing doctor and therapist.
It is not contradictory to be an ACIM student and to take medication and to go to a traditional therapist. The Holy Spirit helps us with our worldly problems through worldly sources. Once your brain is back in balance, you will be better able to understand and apply the lessons and concepts in ACIM.
I mentor students of ACIM from a practical, how-life-in-the-world-really-is perspective.