Perfection Was Not the Point For This Mind
I embarked on this spiritual path because I wanted to know
Truth, even if it meant learning something I didn’t like. I assumed that, even
if Truth was something I didn’t like, knowing It would bring me a measure of
peace because, well, the Truth is true.
I figured that it was not knowing Truth that led to conflict so only knowing
Truth could bring any real and lasting peace. A Course in Miracles seemed to be the path given me to find this. I
spent decades building my awareness of Truth and undoing my obstacles to It. This
is what I understood ACIM to teach.
There were
certain forgiving (as ACIM teaches forgiveness) thoughts along the way that
fostered peace in me. “Only the Truth is true” and, when presented with
anything that upset me: “Truth is untouched by any of this”. I felt a shift toward
peace anytime I used them. (I still spontaneously take a deep breath of
forgiveness as I feel the truth in these thoughts). The awareness in these
thoughts helped me to undo guilt, my chief obstacle to peace.
One day in the 20-aughts I realized
that Peace had come to stay in my awareness. I realized this was the same as
being aware that the Holy Spirit (the part of my mind that is the Awareness of
Truth) was always with me. It wasn’t perfect Peace, because I still experienced
fear and conflict, but, no matter what else was in my mind, I was aware of
Peace. After that, Peace only grew in my awareness and the boundary between me
and the Holy Spirit evaporated.
I felt I had reached my goal of being
aware of Truth. Since I always had access to Peace, what was going on in my conscious awareness became less and less
significant to me. It seemed that was only a concern of the ego (personal
thought system), which nitpicked my every mood and judged every gradation of
Light and dark in my mind.
After the ego fell away I became
aware that its echo (the habits of thinking like it and with it) only seems to remain
in my conscious awareness. In the past few months I’ve become more aware of
other non-dualistic teachings that seem to emphasize some sort of perfection of
conscious awareness. Sometimes in emails or discussions with others on
non-dualistic paths I get the message from them that the experiences I have
written about in these articles particularly these past two years are “wrong”
or “miss the mark” because they don’t line up with what they’ve experienced or
read about from others. Often these students seem to be aiming for a perfect
state of conscious awareness, which I do not have. But that was never my goal, either
personally or from the Holy Spirit, though I did expect that my awareness of
Truth could lead to a conscious state
of unshakeable love and peace and joy as an effect. Perhaps it is because of my
experience of direct Revelation of Truth that it never occurred to me to seek a
perfect state of conscious awareness because, while it is a True Consciousness
and seems desirable, it still is not Truth Itself. It is just the flip side of
the consciousness coin, where Truth is, as ACIM points out, beyond
consciousness (perception). (It calls Truth Knowledge).
I have often said this path has not
unfolded the way I thought it would, but I meant in the details, not in the
overall goal. You cannot help but form expectations as you hear and read about
others’ experiences. But keep in mind your expectations are shaped by your goal. What do you want? Is it to be
aware of Truth because It is the Truth? (Which was my goal). Is it to be
aware of Truth to attain a perfected state of conscious awareness? Maybe it’s
just a perfected state of conscious awareness with or without an awareness of
Truth. Search your heart on this, because that’s where you sense where you will
end up.
Sometimes students ask me, “If you
died right now would you be satisfied?” the answer is, yes! This has been true
for quite some time. In fact, I did “die”, didn’t I? The wholeness I felt in
the life and consciousness that fell away from this mind was a feeling of
completion. I had met my goal. I was aware of Truth. I had Peace and that It
wasn’t perfect in my conscious awareness was not significant to me.
This new state of consciousness I’m
in, which, right now, is a hybrid with one foot in each “world”—it’s sort of a
bonus life, isn’t it, since I met my goal? I am always “here, now”, it’s automatic,
and simply unfolding for me, so it is goal-less. I am happy to be where I am.
It is very interesting.
>>>>
What is
your goal? Are you ready to talk with someone with more experience on the path
to peace? Email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment for mentoring. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
Comments
As a course of study its foundation is Extension and its goal is Extension.
When you leave the study of ACIM you go where Extension takes you.
The Slipstream is Extension.
Mindfulness is Extension.
Meditation is Extension.
In simple terms you could think of A Course In Miracles as a graduate level course in Meditation or Mindfulness.
You don't stay in graduate school forever. You get your degree and go out in the world and put what you have learned into use. Experience becomes your teacher.
A few years ago on this blog Liz said essentially the same thing about graduate school but in her own words. I was very threatened by this and became upset (who would have guessed). So there you go... What goes around comes around.