Ask: I want to understand forgiveness and why I give too much...
“…What I'd like to understand more is how I can understand Forgiveness - I know it's for my benefit to forgive but it seems hard.. Sometimes I will THINK I forgive but when I get anxious, it will come into my mind what a person "did" to me & I’ll be walking round my places grumbling & playing back the past in my head & I want to STOP THAT LOL…
… if I had plenty of money I really would spread it around & help others as I do that now, often to my own detriment!...I give my last hundred dollars to someone who seems in need then I can't pay my rego or insurance. Do u know what that is or can u relate to doing things like that?”—CB
You are correct that continuing to be emotionally charged about another person’s actions means you have not forgiven. But remember you do not forgive others; you forgive (release) your thoughts about them.
Others act and then you tell yourself a story about their actions. This story usually supports an idea you have of yourself—as a victim of a cruel world, for example. This way you see guilt “out there” instead of in yourself. So you have to look at what you tell yourself in a particular circumstance and what this reveals about how you think of yourself. Then you can begin to deal with your own thoughts and beliefs—the real source of your pain.
As for giving more than you have to give—what you describe is known as codependency. This means you take responsibility for others who should be taking responsibility for themselves. Your motivation may be to be loved, to make yourself feel good, to make up for past “sins”…the list goes on. You have to look at what you feel when you give more than you have to give. Your thoughts can lie, but your feelings always reveal what you really believe.