Understanding Ego Backlash (Rebound)

           One of the first things I recognized in my early years as a student of A Course in Miracles was the pattern of touching Spirit in some way—answer, insight, true peace—and then swinging hard back into ego. Decades later when I began to teach, I found this was universal, not just to students of the Course, but on any spiritual path. I eventually called it ego backlash. But my original term for it was ego rebound. What I now see about consciousness shows me this was a more accurate label.

It has been over five years since The Break, when I shifted from ego- to Spirit-consciousness. I had indications of the coming shift for many years before. I had new experiences of Spirit and ego sensed its coming “death.” But after the shift, even though I knew I was in a wholly new paradigm, the split mind seemed to continue. The personal identity was certainly missing. But something was screaming about the shift, lamenting what had happened, usurping and distorting spiritual experiences for its own ends, scrambling to resurrect old values, was easily triggered, was revealed to be delusional, and threatened further insanity. That had to be ego. So, what exactly was The Break?

The Break was the moment Spirit bumped ego from the center of consciousness here and took its place. I was told by others that after the shift in consciousness, ego “winds down” and, indeed, this is what has seemed to occur. It was disorienting and rough going at first because while ego was bumped from center, it was at first only just off center. And because it is loud and active where Spirit is quiet and still, it continued to dominate consciousness here. But in the past year, ego has lessened in power considerably and become delineated from consciousness so that now consciousness, ego, and Spirit are seen in their correct orientation to each other. Ego is watched from an ever-growing distance as it falls further away from the center and Spirit continues to extend. When ego does get very uncomfortable, it indicates something more about it is about to be undone. Often, ego is simply dissolved by Spirit.

Basically, ego and Spirit have switched places. Where Spirit was the Visitor in ego-consciousness, ego is the former inhabitant falling away in Spirit-consciousness. As the center now, Spirit has become the default of this consciousness. No matter what shenanigans ego gets up to, this consciousness will revert to Spirit. And discovering this leads to understanding ego backlash in ego-consciousness:

 

 Consciousness always reverts to its center.

Which is why ego-rebound is a better term than backlash.

In ego-consciousness, I was aware that my mind had to turn toward ego before it could “grab me back.” And, yes, because I’d “been away” it was vicious. But what I did not understand was that turning back to it was inevitable. I never could find the source of desire to do so, except in ego itself. Eventually, I accepted the rebound pattern and learned how to live with it. Which, it turns out, is all I could do. There was no choice involved. Ego was going to run in this consciousness until it didn’t. That is the nature of the Atonement. The idea of not-God is expressed in a seemingly individual consciousness until either the body dies or Spirit replaces ego as the center of consciousness.

“Choose once again” A Course in Miracles suggests when you find yourself caught up in ego. Calling on Spirit is all you can do to mitigate the pain of ego in ego-consciousness. And as you grow your awareness of Spirit, ego rebound lessens in strength and duration. 

>>>> 

If you have a question the answer to which you feel may be helpful to others, send it to Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered in this newsletter/blog.